Is it inevitable that you will ctb or do you think that you may never be able to go through with it?

[meowcat]

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world - not even our troubles. Charlie Chaplin
Read more at: https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/charlie_chaplin_383572

 

[15dec]

It's almost inevitable I'll ctb eventually. Unless I fail and end up vegetative, or end up with actual treatment which is next to impossible

 

[weedoge]

It doesn't matter too much, yes I intend to ctb at some point, but I'm not pressuring or forcing a decision because I'll be ashamed if it doesn't happen. It's the most personal decision you could ever make, fuck any judgements. You can only do it once, so if you're not able to go through with it for any amount of time, there's nothing wrong with that. Suffering and introspective understanding are really all that should affect it.

 

[Comatose11]

It's inevitable. I also heard something today that pushes me over the edge even more.

 

[none666]

I'm planning on doing it after christmas, maybe january or february, unless i find a meaning in life or life becomes fun enough for me to stick around a bit longer. I might chicken out and suffer silently for longer, but hopefully not. I'm fucking tired man

 

[Smilla]

Inevitable.

I feel the call of the void.

 

[DesperateChallenge]

It will happen. I can't see myself past my 30's. 35 sticks out in my head as the absolute final number. That is 2.5 years away if I do not do it sooner. I think it would be interesting to wait until 2020 and go out Great Gatsby style (just myself, not taking anyone with me). Roaring 20's and all. But I believe it will happen before then. Two weeks ago I had a very serious attempt and I want to try again now but the only thing holding me back is my pup-a-lup. Best friend for nearly 7 years. Incredibly close bond. I don't want to make him devastated but I won't hurt him and take him with me.

The pups do complicate our plans, don't they? It's a double edged sword- they are often the only reason I have for not committing suicide, which most people see as a good thing but I see it as a negative. Like you, I won't harm them and am worried that my family won't keep them if I am gone. I couldn't bear the thought of them being given to someone else. I also have horses, but they are all older and have health problems, so I would leave instructions for my family to euthanize them if they decided not to keep the horses.

 

[SiArc]

The pups do complicate our plans, don't they? It's a double edged sword- they are often the only reason I have for not committing suicide, which most people see as a good thing but I see it as a negative. Like you, I won't harm them and am worried that my family won't keep them if I am gone. I couldn't bear the thought of them being given to someone else. I also have horses, but they are all older and have health problems, so I would leave instructions for my family to euthanize them if they decided not to keep the horses.

He has been my only reason to stay for so long. This last attempt was done because I have a person I know will take care of him like a pup son. Not quite like me but as close as one can get and they promised never to get rid of him if something happens to me.

Animals are the only living creatures that makes this world slightly bearable.

 

[wildisthewind]

I failed a week ago. Way very close, but couldn't get myself to step in front of a truck. Feel incredibly depressed/angry/lonely, but just can't seem to get myself back into that mindset. I was close, without actually taking a step, twice before this year. Who knows.

I have people to keep me alive. They've never seemed like enough but, perhaps, if I get up and do some work on myself, I'll stop thinking that they're not enough.

 

[Jen Erik]

I'll know when I'm about to do it. Until then, I keep on with daily shit as if I am going to live, in case I have to keep on living for some reason.

 

[Bread]

For me I think it is inevitable. I have been sure I would die from suicide since I was very young. I never pictured myself becoming an adult. I am too sensitive; things that wouldn't bother normal people eviscerate me. I have always hated myself and I don't know who I am without my depression. I have never been able to feel loved or cared about. However, I am still unable to give up on my dreams. I know they will never come true, but there is still one thing I would like to have experienced in my short life. In my own opinion it is foolish for me to keep going, I'm sure I'll regret it, but every time I have tried to ctb I couldn't force myself to go through with it. I know this world will eventually crush me and I'll kill myself. But there's one thing I still care about deeply and I've decided I'm going to die trying to get it. Even if my wish did come true, nothing lasts forever, and it would never be enough to sustain me. So I guess it could be days, or months, or years, but I will definitely end up killing myself.

 

[deflagrat]

I will eventually ctb, but not for now. I don't want my parents to be sad about my death so I must wait until my father dies from natural causes. I don't know how long it will take but I am not going to see my 50s.

 

[J Tizzle]

I want to. I don't talk to my family, I have no significant other, and no children. Ultimately, nobody's life changes much if I ctb. But I'm so damn scared, and I'm afraid I won't to through with it. I'm probably going to move to the middle of nowhere, and I'm hoping that the misery of that will be enough to encourage me to do it.

 

[thatguyakira123]

I'm going woth hanging. I've tried partal suspention already and aside from getting really weak I felt no pain. Granted I was drunk.


I often flip flop on the issue. On April 2020 I would be 30 and I do not plan to see 31. The problem is that I'm afraid of becoming nothing. There is no afterlife so this is all I got out of the world. No do overs, no watching over people, just dead. It sucks.

 

[J Tizzle]

I'm going woth hanging. I've tried partal suspention already and aside from getting really weak I felt no pain. Granted I was drunk.


I often flip flop on the issue. On April 2020 I would be 30 and I do not plan to see 31. The problem is that I'm afraid of becoming nothing. There is no afterlife so this is all I got out of the world. No do overs, no watching over people, just dead. It sucks.

I'm with you. I hate the idea of becoming nothing. It's not so much that I don't want life, I don't want this life. But I guess we all become nothing eventually.

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I think maybe I won't be able to go through with it. But in the other hand I refuso to live like this, I have so many severe problems with health that I can't pretend to be okay anymore. I think I just need some bravery

 

[Made4TV]

I'm starting to doubt myself.

 

[SunSetsForever]

Inevitable. I've given myself 5 years to accomplish some goals. If I'm able to, maybe I'll extend. If not, there's no way I want to continue living.

Although lately, five years is seeming too long. I've been feeling pretty suicidal, and I'm identifying more and more triggers. A lot of things are setting me off lately, and I'm not sure my goals, my amazing wife, or anything else is enough to make me want to stay.

Sometimes, I wish I could enjoy life like a "normal" (ignorant) person. Others, I'm glad I'll be choosing what happens in my life and death.

 

[Duqu]

I'm sticking around till my cat dies (he turns 12 in April) - he's literally the only thing sticking me to this damned flesh-body. I've got so much wrong with me physically and mentally, I can't imagine living out the "rest of my days" (without CTB) like this. Plus I'm terrified of having people I care about dying before me (like my mom - luckily my parents had me young so they're only in their 50's but still) I just can't deal.

 

[dyingtodie]

@John Smith
I relate very much. I really wanted to jump from a huge height as a final yahoo adventure and to face my fear of heights and to be FULLY AWAKE at the moment of my death...rather than in a sleepy stupor or suicidal trance or something...but I've been practicing self-compassion and telling myself I'm not a chicken for not wanting to slam my body into freezing cold water from nearly 1,000 feet above, I am NOT a failure or scaredy-cat for this...or any less brave, okay, maybe a lil less brave...(LOL typical depressed person beating up on themselves!) but that's okay...hopefully I'll get in a sky-dive or something before the bus station. But! Really I've been researching inert gas self-deliverance and it seems so peaceful and simple once I read the TEK a few times. Exit's got your back. I've been through a similar thought process as you described this whole year and then realized that 3 years back when I finally settled on a method, after much deliberation/imagination, Helium was the Noble savior, at this point it's inevitable. All the best!!

 

[Suicideisnirvana]

Depends if the customs keep seizing my N or not.

Not planning to risk waking up in a hospital or with brain damage, so i don't have it in me to try anything other than the surefire methods : N, guns (illegal in my country), moutain level heights (i can't find anything over 6 stories building in my city)

So it all depends on N, my only savior.

 

[TAW122]

Depends if the customs keep seizing my N or not.

Not planning to risk waking up in a hospital or with brain damage, so i don't have it in me to try anything other than the surefire methods : N, guns (illegal in my country), moutain level heights (i can't find anything over 6 stories building in my city)

So it all depends on N, my only savior.

Same, this is why I've chosen the firearm method as I don't really like heights that much, and also N is just too risky, sketchy for me to reliably procure it as well as expensive and complicated whereas a firearm is much more accessible to me (I live in the US and in a state that has relatively lax gun laws in general).

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm feeling the bus driving away without me. Tried twice last week and couldn't go through with it. It isn't the failure of the method, either; it's just me not having the strength/drive/courage to manage it. I'm thoroughly sick about it.

Given we're now only a week out from my family's major holiday, at this point I will probably wait until after New Years to minimize traumatizing them. Hopefully by January I will have reclaimed some drive. On the other hand, if I feel a surge of strength, I'm leaping for it.

I just want my existance to end!

 

[Smashingairwaves]

I will die from suicide. I see no other alternative, apart from a freak accident, od course. Hopefully next year, but whenever really. I know it will eventually happen.

 

[Letmego. Please]

If at first you don't succeed, try and try again.....

 

[stargazer]

Inevitable 100 percent. It's either days away, weeks away, months away. But it is inevitable and preferably a painless method. Quick too. Regards.