Is it better to be alone or keep yourself distracted by shitty people

[TwilightSylph]

I'm really alone, and I'm struggling. I have a couple irl friends but they're not the sort of friends I can bother all day every day, especially when I'm not able to leave the house atm. I'm disabled and kind of stuck.

Early last year I made a friend online in a game I played, I started joining his party/friends to play games pretty much every day since.

Our relationship started just friendly, then slowly became something more, then around Christmas maybe, we basically went back to being just friends because he refused to talk about how he felt about me or agree to meet me irl. Ever since then I've been feeling more and more taken for granted and despite any effort I've made to understand where I fit into the groups dynamic, I just feel my presence is pointless. I'm just there to be vented at. It's got to the point where they care so little about me or what I'm going through that they didn't even realise I took a month off work due to seizures and Injuries recently or that my dog was put down.

My 'best' friend (idk what else to call him) ignored a message from me about 2 weeks ago, despite being online playing with people, and posting on his social media. He's done this a lot recently and I've told him how it makes me feel. I'd had enough, I waited 24 hours with no reply and decided I'd had enough and left our gaming party. He's always threatening to kick people out when they ignore him or if they don't join enough so I decided I'd not give him the satisfaction this time and leave before he could take it out on me.
I was at least expecting a message or something asking why I left but I've had radio silence for 2 weeks. No one cared I left, no one responded to any of my messages, nothing.

I've been trying my best to get on with things because the silence confirmed that they didn't really care or value my presence. Now today he's messaged me out of the blue rambling about some mundane shit to do with a game he likes. I know he's baiting me. I know he just wants me to go back to the way things were before but I'm still so sick of being taken for granted.
I don't know how to respond or fix any of this.
I don't know if I should ignore him and carry on alone, isolated. Or just give in and let him take me for granted again despite having no care for me.
I hate being like this. I'm a waste of oxygen

 

[R. A.]

 

[monetpompo]

don't talk to that guy. i have the same kind of guy that doesn't care about me as much as i care about him, and it causes me a lot of grief, but it's easier to just not reach out at all than just be taken for granted again. it really hurts to feel like nothing. i don't care about my other friends as much as i care about him. these days it's hard to feel like i care about anyone, the closer i get to suicide. it sucks that people don't even want to talk about the things that make you upset and just want everyone to stay the exact same as it always was.

 

[CumbriaCTB]

I don't know if he'd meet the criteria for clinical narcissism but he definitely sounds like an inconsiderate arsehole with a fragile ego. Him sending you a message like that after two weeks is, as you correctly ascertained, an attempt at hoovering you back into his sphere of influence. He is not sorry and he is not willing to change; he doesn't even feel the need to pretend to be sorry.

You left him for a reason and it seems he has not changed at all. This means that your reason for leaving is still valid. If you come back to him, you'll just be wanting to leave again because you'll be in the exact same conditions that caused you to leave the first time.

Best of Luck,
CumbriaCTB

 

[TwilightSylph]

I don't know if he'd meet the criteria for clinical narcissism but he definitely sounds like an inconsiderate arsehole with a fragile ego. Him sending you a message like that after two weeks is, as you correctly ascertained, an attempt at hoovering you back into his sphere of influence. He is not sorry and he is not willing to change; he doesn't even feel the need to pretend to be sorry.

You left him for a reason and it seems he has not changed at all. This means that your reason for leaving is still valid. If you come back to him, you'll just be wanting to leave again because you'll be in the exact same conditions that caused you to leave the first time.

Best of Luck,
CumbriaCTB

If not clinical narcissism, he certainly has some sort of mental health problems but will never go to a doctor. He lies constantly, most of the time it's exaggerating smaller things by adding ridiculous embellishments, but he also lies about big things…like his name. He still thinks I don't know his real name. He exaggerates how hard he's looking for a job as if he has to convince me (of all people) he's trying and claims to be in conversations with all these people who I know damn well he's never spoken to (like game devs and artists)
I hate how well I pick up on his lies and tactics, I can see exactly what he's doing while he's doing it, I just can't help but let myself get hoovered up.

I appreciate your advice, even if I know these things, it's good to be reminded by someone so I can't pretend it isn't true

 

[nuggetfinder]

To answer your question, I think it depends on the person. Personally, I'm comfortable being alone and I wouldn't mind removing toxicity from my life because of that. But overall I think you should weigh what's worse; Someone mentally draining you with inconsiderate behavior, or being by yourself and potentially ending up lonely.

 

[TwilightSylph]

don't talk to that guy. i have the same kind of guy that doesn't care about me as much as i care about him, and it causes me a lot of grief, but it's easier to just not reach out at all than just be taken for granted again. it really hurts to feel like nothing. i don't care about my other friends as much as i care about him. these days it's hard to feel like i care about anyone, the closer i get to suicide. it sucks that people don't even want to talk about the things that make you upset and just want everyone to stay the exact same as it always was.

I can relate to a lot of the things you've said. It's true though that people just want you to continue on as if everything is the same, regardless of whatever is eating you up inside.
I struggle with that the most, I can never bring up how much I'm struggling, or the really horrific things happening to me because it's a downer, and they can't relate. It's not the easily digestible woe is me I'm a bit sad depression, its too much for them, too intense, people just get angry so I end up bottling it all up again and only give surface level emotions. Most conversations with him now just feel dissociative, a blur of superficial words to get me through the evening.

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

People are unreliable. Don't expect much and you won't be disappointed.

 

[AuraByte]

Alone personally, because people irrirate me easily and piss me off too much.