Is "disappearing" first more or less painful to others?

[sachaa]

I've been thinking of killing myself for years, but last year, someone I know well killed himself. This is the first time I've ever actually experienced death by suicide in my life. I've experienced plenty of other death, but everyone's reaction to suicide is much different. I've seen how suicide hurts other people, tearing themselves apart over an alternate world where they said the right thing to him, or stopped him from going out, etc. I really don't want to hurt my loved ones. They've all gone through enough already. I'm thinking I may have to go far away and disappear from the world, instead of just killing myself in my bedroom like I wanted to before. People go missing while hiking all the time, and I could probably make it look like an accident. I've tried killing myself before with lots of painkillers, but obviously that didn't work and just made me sick for a few days each time. I'm too much of a coward to do anything violent or gorey like slitting my wrists or jumping off a building or in front of a train, and I'm too poor to buy expensive drugs online. It seems my only option is to just disappear. I was just wondering if this "disappearing" before killing myself will hurt more or less for others. In my head, it feels like it will hurt them all far less, but I'm not really sure.

 

[L9my]

I'm thinking they might keep the hope that you're still out there. Perhaps it'd be a more slow pain for them.
The uncertainty would probably be unbearable in my opinion.

 

[EdibleGasMask]

Its ultimately your descision on how you want to come to terms with things but you will ultimately never know how someone will react. I also don't know if this is true as a friend told me this but, the human mind can't preemptively process grief.

Personally as ive considered dissapearing myself, i've come to terms that it would be better to not have them waste resources or have hope im still out there. Id rather them move on with their lives.

 

[cme-dme]

Outcome A: Your family doesn't know what happened to you - you could have been kidnapped, trafficked, murdered, various other horrible things - No closure for your family
Outcome B: Your family knows you died by suicide, they get a funeral and closure and mourning on your life - much better for the sanity of your family in the long run

 

[soonnotkoei]

disappearing is not the way in my opinion. as people above have already to
said, I'd rather not have my family waiting for me in false hope. if your family knows, they atleast can get some sort of closure.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I get the impression from news stories that it could in fact be worse to disappear first. Families go mad with worry when loved ones disappear. Plus, they aren't above suspicion if they can't find the body and suspect foul play. So- it may put them at risk of being suspected of murder. It's hard to control the narrative once you're dead.

They will likely run through all sorts of scenarios- including suicide but some perhaps even worse- abduction, murder. While I'm sure suicide is terrible for families, there is at least closure in knowing what did happen. If they're forced to guess, I imagine it's a different type of grief. I think sometimes, they end up just wanting to know- even if it is suicide. That's my impression anyhow.

 

[getoutgirl]

I sure fucking hope so because that's exactly what I'm doing. And boy have I thought about it.
I have planned it out for a long time and I'll be trying to do it in such a way that I disappear, make it so they never find my body, but also make it so that they don't suspect foul play just that I've run away and am living my best life out there.

Worst case scenario, I don't plan enough and it's discovered
Best case scenario, I do it right, in which case I'd look like an asshole who dipped and never contacted back, but is probably out there

No closure, sure, that will hurt a lot. But honestly compared to suicide I think it is a bit better. To me. I know I wouldn't do it otherwise unless I get to a point of complete empathy numbness
Don't take this as advice, just my experience. You do you, I hope you don't get to do it honestly and you can actually overcome it, but you do you

 

[hang in there]

I've been thinking of killing myself for years, but last year, someone I know well killed himself. This is the first time I've ever actually experienced death by suicide in my life. I've experienced plenty of other death, but everyone's reaction to suicide is much different. I've seen how suicide hurts other people, tearing themselves apart over an alternate world where they said the right thing to him, or stopped him from going out, etc. I really don't want to hurt my loved ones. They've all gone through enough already. I'm thinking I may have to go far away and disappear from the world, instead of just killing myself in my bedroom like I wanted to before. People go missing while hiking all the time, and I could probably make it look like an accident. I've tried killing myself before with lots of painkillers, but obviously that didn't work and just made me sick for a few days each time. I'm too much of a coward to do anything violent or gorey like slitting my wrists or jumping off a building or in front of a train, and I'm too poor to buy expensive drugs online. It seems my only option is to just disappear. I was just wondering if this "disappearing" before killing myself will hurt more or less for others. In my head, it feels like it will hurt them all far less, but I'm not really sure.

I think disappearing is the only way to soften the blow. At least with that there is always a glimmer of hope that you are alive, will come back, are okay. No one needs to know where you've gone or why.

 

[soonnotkoei]

I think disappearing is the only way to soften the blow. At least with that there is always a glimmer of hope that you are alive, will come back, are okay. No one needs to know where you've gone or why.

the thing im concerned about with the idea of disappearing is leaving your family with false hope. in my opinion that is just way worse than your family knowing that you committed suicide. this way, they would get over you in some time while with disappearing, they could potentially search for you for years.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

My plan involves disappearing and making sure my body is never found. I want it to hurt my family, they do not deserve closure and I genuinely hope that they suffer being denied the knowledge of what ultimately became of me. Hopefully I can find dense enough wilderness that can naturally destroy my body before it's ever found.

 

[timechained]

From experience, having disappeared myself because of the same thought processes as you, I found out after my attempt failed that it wasn't necessarily worse than knowing I was dead, it was equally painful for them because they did not know anything and kept wandering what could of happened to me.

 

[kakdela]

My plan involves disappearing and making sure my body is never found. I want it to hurt my family, they do not deserve closure and I genuinely hope that they suffer being denied the knowledge of what ultimately became of me. Hopefully I can find dense enough wilderness that can naturally destroy my body before it's ever found.

From experience, having disappeared myself because of the same thought processes as you, I found out after my attempt failed that it wasn't necessarily worse than knowing I was dead, it was equally painful for them because they did not know anything and kept wandering what could of happened to me.

What do you mean, I still can't figure it out? Why is disappearing better than suicide, because you'll have to kill yourself anyway? Or take pills and sleeping pills?

 

[Britney Spears]

I'd like to be kidnapped. I disappear, but it's not my fault. What a shame