Is an accidental attempt really crossing a line?

[auto138491]

Soo.... last week, I tried on the mask and the cylinder and the results were different from what i expected. Instead of a nice controlled drop in SPO2 like i thought, i quickly got disoriented and in the second try, I even threw off the mask without realising it.

Today i am meeting my therapist after months, so thot of checking with ChatGPT which issues i should broach with her today. And it recommended that since I had done something, that meant the crossing of a line, even if it was an "accident".

I dont agree with that. I dont think its such a big deal. Please tell me thereis someone here who agrees with me?

 

[BrainSplatter]

Accident? How does one mistakenly buy a mask and cylinder? What were you intentions with that then?

 

[auto138491]

Accident? How does one mistakenly buy a mask and cylinder? What were you intentions with that then?

My intention was to use it to CTB. but in that incident, i was not trying to CTB, i was only trying to experience how it would feel and how it works. The final CTB will take time.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I imagine ChatGPT or any actual therapist would view even the purchase of equipment to CTB as 'crossing a line' between passive and active ideation. I think they do get more concerned when a person not only has the thoughts but, takes steps towards actually doing it.

Whether you should tell your therapist though, I don't know really. It maybe depends which country you come. Some are more zealous in sectioning people to psyche wards 'for their own safety' than others.

 

[BrainSplatter]

Ok and you still wanna use it to CTB? I think you're still considering it that's why you asked ChatGPT what it thought and it's always going to tell you to speak to your therapist about it because it's designed to protect life if you really wanna succeed with CTB you cannot tell anyone your plans especially anyone who works in psychiatry they'll have you sectioned and put in a psych ward making it impossible for you to attempt. You've got a choice to make and it's ok take as long as you want to consider it at the end of the day it's your life

 

[auto138491]

Ok and you still wanna use it to CTB? I think you're still considering it that's why you asked ChatGPT what it thought and it's always going to tell you to speak to your therapist about it because it's designed to protect life if you really wanna succeed with CTB you cannot tell anyone your plans especially anyone who works in psychiatry they'll probably have you sectioned and put in a psych ward making it impossible for you to attempt. You've got a choice to make and it's ok take as long as you want to consider it at the end of the day it's your life

Thanks. This helps. Tilts towards not telling the therapist anything. I only need to share this with someone, and maybe SaSu is a better platform than the therapist. I just get soooo excited doing these small things.

 

[BrainSplatter]

Thanks. This helps. Tilts towards not telling the therapist anything. I only need to share this with someone, and maybe SaSu is a better platform than the therapist. I just get soooo excited doing these small things.

Yeah that's a common thing a lot of people have a lot of excitement you're finally going to be at peace and you wanna tell people. I've done it myself and I was held against my will for over 3 months!! You can learn something from that incident though that your survival instincts will kick in and you automatically threw the mask off. How will you stop that happening?

 

[auto138491]

Yeah that's a common thing a lot of people have a lot of excitement you're finally going to be at peace and you wanna tell people. I've done it myself and I was held against my will for over 3 months!! You can learn something from that incident though that your survival instincts will kick in and you automatically threw the mask off. How will you stop that happening?

I am still researching that. If all else fails, then exit mask but lets see. Maybe i will try with strapping the hands in some way?

 

[BrainSplatter]

I am still researching that. If all else fails, then exit mask but lets see. Maybe i will try with strapping the hands in some way?

So yes your hands will need to be bound you're essentially suffocating yourself so your survival instinct will kick in even with your hands bound your body will be thrashing around trying to get the mask off in anyway possible and it will be distressing but only momentarily until you lose consciousness how much have you researched into it.. I'm not too familiar with this method so idk how long it will take to lose consciousness and achieve death but that's something you need to consider especially if you're 'testing' it like you said and the fact you've said if all else fails then exit mask like you need to be certain it's what you want rn you sound unsure. If it truly is what you want then you need to research throughly and plan it accordingly so you'll have no interruptions no one to stop you

 

[auto138491]

So yes your hands will need to be bound you're essentially suffocating yourself so your survival instinct will kick in even with your hands bound your body will be thrashing around trying to get the mask off in anyway possible and it will be distressing but only momentarily until you lose consciousness how much have you researched into it.. I'm not too familiar with this method so idk how long it will take to lose consciousness and achieve death but that's something you need to consider especially if you're 'testing' it like you said and the fact you've said if all else fails then exit mask like you need to be certain it's what you want rn you sound unsure. If it truly is what you want then you need to research throughly and plan it accordingly so you'll have no interruptions no one to stop you

I live alone. interruptions are really not an issue. The disorientation is. I should be able to find a way. the other rot is the lack of certainty. That is the one i need to secure first.

 

[MyLifeisHell]

Why are you in therapy if you're planning to kill yourself? It sounds like you were on hiatus with her for months then restarted seeing her (I may be misunderstanding).

 

[auto138491]

Why are you in therapy if you're planning to kill yourself? It sounds like you were on hiatus with her for months then restarted seeing her (I may be misunderstanding).

I was troubling my friends too much with depressive thoughts. That, and I need to stay around for a while. The CTB is a few months away bcs of ... well, confusion and guilt about some responsibilities. Hence, return to therapist. :( Its so weird how HAPPY i feel after even just thinking of the action. I was HAPPY after that experiment, and yet, it feels wrong to let ppl who depend on us down like this - forever. Nothing else makes me HAPPY - not connecting with friends, not being around people, no activity, nothing except the thought (and action towards) CTB.

 

[auto138491]

Today, i tried some coal and CO. Not a pleasant experience. atm, i m just using it for SH and tomorrow morning, the lot gets thrown out, I will use He for SH also, now that my going is postponed for a few years.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Be careful with brain damage and SH with He(lium), I presume?

You decided to give it another few years?
Because of therapist as well? Did you end up telling her?

Is chatgpt working for you lately? I had to switch to claude because the safety model on chatgpt is horrendous for me...

 

[auto138491]

Be careful with brain damage and SH with He(lium), I presume?

You decided to give it another few years?
Because of therapist as well? Did you end up telling her?

Is chatgpt working for you lately? I had to switch to claude because the safety model on chatgpt is horrendous for me...

Didnt tell the therapist OR the psychiatrist anything. Decided to give it a few years bcs i realised that the father of my child has a daughter with another person. My son has always had just one parent, and its not fair to take that single parent away from them while they are still in their teens. ChatGPT is working well for me so far. :)

 

[auto138491]

Eight days ago, I tried to leave. Again. This was my 3rd attempt in 2 months. I did everything I thought would end it, but nothing worked. What should have harmed me didn't. That failure felt like a strange miracle—proof that even if I tried, I would not succeed. And then came the cement: my son. He has only ever had one parent. If I were gone, he would lose even that. At eighteen, he deserves more than abandonment. He deserves someone who will not walk away, even if unwilling. That changed the equation. Before, staying felt like having no choice. Now, it feels like there is no choice to even consider. The door I thought was open is closed.


So I stay. Not because I want to, not because it brings joy, but because the miracle of failure and the bond with my son leave no other option. This is not hope. It is protest. It is survival without celebration.

Silence corrodes reality. We labelled a woman's natural desire 'hysteria'. We label a child's need to move around and be physically active, 'ADHD'.

In a world full of labels, I want to show something, and not label it. God and I do not get along on all days. But He was right about one thing: I will always prioritize my son's wellbeing over my own.