Introduce yourself

[AfroWarTiger]

Hello. I got eye damage and hearing loss with major depression.

 

[............]

Greetings,

my first introduction has become.... outdated, so here I am again. I want to make sure I leave my base story somewhere before I ever die. I don't want to be another ''silent statistic''.

Spoiler: Me.

I am a German woman. A lot of people skip over that when they read my masculine sounding usernames... My name is Lucy.

I speak English, German, Norwegian, Finnish, and Russian. I should have been born in Norway - was born at a stay in Germany instead. Got given away. Lived here and never left hometown. Never lived more than 10 minutes away from the hospital I was delivered in, I'll likely die in there too.

Never had sex, never had a relationship, never someone told me that they love me at my age, but I don't really care. I view myself as a violent freak due to my illness of body and mind - ever asked how suffering a mental trauma affects people? Right here. It's me. On a recent post I mentioned I made decision to want to ctb 10+ years ago, it's true. I already knew in my very very youth that I liked the concept of suicide and wanted that.

I like Metal music, true crime, colorful & goofy Western cartoons, and firearms. I know, what a combination..... I was born into a belief I still follow to this day and it means a lot to me, as it will allow me to see the things and people I love again after I beat this (metaphorical) test of life and live freely which I never could in this life.

I play a dominant role in my life but no one really ever wanted to get to know me beyond that. I have an INTJ personality type.

Hopefully that wasn't too much, I've once again left my introduction in a spoiler to not make you have to scroll extra. Enjoy!!!!


Regards

 

[Venateration]

(I don't think I made one of these yet, so here :) )

hello! I go by Emory, I like black metal, k-pop, art, history, music and a bunch of other things!

I'm on here to help and support others as well as finding my own way to ctb!

I have Separation anxiety, depression, sensory possessing disorder, chronic pain (from scoliosis) and a slew of other issues.

 

[Rainbow Dash]

Hello all new users!

"How am I blest in thus discovering thee!
To enter in these bonds, is to be free;"
—John Donne, "To His Mistress Going to Bed"

 

[Jisatsu]

I'm not new but I never gave a introduction for myself so here
Name ;Hela

Age ; 26
Gender ;; Trans woman
Sexuality ; Bi
Lives; United States, Alabama
Likes ; Art, music, anime
Dislikes ;Being alive
Hobbies ;Art,Gaming,watching movies
---------୨୧---------
**Fun facts about you**
Personality ; I'm a bpd queen
Love language ;Affection
Favorite food; Chinese food

Favorite songs; Spiraling out by Softcult, Jaded by Spiritbox ,Floral and Fading by Pierce the Veil, River of Sorrows by Paleface Swiss and Venus Doom by HIM
༶• ┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈┈┈ •༶༶

 

[Asahina]

Hello, I study music composition and I love vocaloid music. I hope to be a vocaloid producer one day and I write my own songs. I mostly write about how I am feeling or what most easily comes to mind and as a result, most of my songs are about depression, anxiety, failure, and suicide.

My favorite project sekai character is Mafuyu and my favorite vocaloid is Gumi. Some of my favorite producers are Kairiki Bear, Neru, Wowaka, YurryCanon, Mimi, and more

 

[4Icarus]

Oh, sweet, I was halfway through writing a loooooooooong fucking life story post. I can at least cut the introduction parts out.

To keep this as laconic as I possibly can, (believe me, I'm trying, spoilered for your convenience):

Spoiler: Rambling Introduction

I've got a very common trans man name so just call me Icarus. A fitting name for the way my life has gone.
I'm almost 30, been on and off suicidal since I was a child. Even the off suicidal days were me being only afraid of the sudden stop more than anything. The unknown and great fear of a potential afterlife or, worse, being sent back to this shithole. Due to my upbringing, my spiritual beliefs are beyond fucked; I'm an atheist for comforts sake. I genuinely hope there's nothing after death, I don't wanna do this shit ever again.
I'm the oldest of 6 siblings. Born to two dipshits in the us military in Germany, got dragged to the states, never stayed in a place for more than like 3, maybe 4 years after. Got diagnosed with autism at 2 years old. To my credit, evidently they expected me to turn out way worse.

My life has been incredibly fucking weird. Like if I told you half this shit, you'd think I was making it up. My mother is the slipperiest bitch on the planet and the reason for like 60% of why my life is presently in the shitter. The shit she's done in general, let alone to just me, deserves its own thread. I pity whoever's had her as their nurse. I've been trying to undo most of that damage but there's only so much you can undo with minimal funds and time from working to get said funds and the main constant in my life has been a lack of resources. As much as like 10,000 dollars could help me, I've no idea how I'd use that much money before something happened to it. Maybe actually go to school, go back to Germany to live my final days as a book end to the least cohesive series ever. idk.

The remaining 40% is from:

• The 'tism
• The dreaded EDS-POTS combo that got diagnosed too late
• My drinking problem I've had on and off since 12
• My shit coping mechanisms
• God's indifference

(Main reason thats not a higher percentage is because I keep running into shit she did as obstacles. I wish it were mainly me, I'd feel less embarrassed to end it. Feels like the witch follows me no matter where I go, like I'm admitting defeat.)

Aside from the Autism, I got:

• PTSD (Sexual assault, forced institutionalization.)
• CPTSD
• Not diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I've got one of the dissociative disorders.
• Probably some kind of borderline but that's a bad idea to touch rn
• Paranoid delusions are there. Half certain my loved ones are planning to take me in to be locked away if I post here too much. Like someone's waiting to. Like they already know.

Most likely some kind of aromantic/demiromantic asexual but uh. Shit's weird with that and I've certainly slept around like I'm not. Mostly for the tasty brain chemicals and feeling like I was in control. I like fictional men a lot, though, I've got several I feel about in ways I've never felt about anybody I could actually touch. This is also a factor. The disgust. The lack of desire.

I like a number of things I'm really gd protective of so. I'll likely only bring anything I like up if it's relevant. My interests are like the few things keeping me from exploding. I did, however, draw my icon and designed the fancharacter in it, if that's telling of anything.

I am most likely going to use some kind of ingestion method for CTB. Funnily enough, I have many, many cherry pits in my possession next to me right now but after some extensive researching, the amygdalin likely won't be enough to be a sure end. I collected them for this purpose, counted over 80, but you know. I'm more likely to get an obstruction than actually process this into enough cyanide to do something, lmao. Not like I still have my mortar and pestle. That would not be my first shit attempt, I'm so happy there's more information here.

I'm getting one of my migranes again so uh. This is what I'm posting for right now. I'm Icarus. Nice to meet all of you. Sorry for the ramble.

 

[dead dav]

Hi welshspider 54m, looking for like minded people who think about death all the time, but doesn't want to ctb.
I enjoy cooking and chilling, talking shit about anything and everything.
If anyone's interested then drop me a line
Cheers

Hya Im in a similar situation to you I plan my death constantly even got almost to the point of going through with it I favour hanging

 

[heywey]

Hey folks, I'm heywey, also go by K. I'm in my 20s and from the US, living in Florida right now but grew up all over. Who knows what I'd be diagnosed with officially but safe to say I'm neurospicy.

My interests are all over the place and tend to shift a lot. Generally speaking I enjoy: movies (particularly animated and visual-focused), music (most genres, also play guitar), space & spaceflight (currently fixated on the Venera missions), and paleobiology (especially the cambrian period, but dinos are cool too). I also like programming, and once again I dabble in a lot of things but I lean toward web stuff and game development. I like working with HTML/CSS, C, Lua, and the GNOME ecosystem.

I don't work, have never been in a relationship, and just generally don't feel like my life's ever really started. I'm at a low point right now, with unfortunate circumstances and personal failures compounding to make everything seem pretty crappy and the future bleak. I'm not looking to ctb any time soon but it's hard being around people who don't 'get it', so I decided to make an account here. Be seeing yall around.

 

[Kronos8190]

25, you can call me by my username. Self sabotager and failure at life, lost interest in all my previous hobbies and just doom scroll media to forget about my life which only ends up making me feel worse. Tried numerous methods to glow up mentally and physically and none of that worked due to my weak mental state. That's it.

 

[DentonSama]

hi people :)

I'm DentonSama, early 20s, into VNs, manga, video games and all sorts of stuff. I've been in psychiatric care, flunking in and out of jobs and my whole life has been pretty awful. Into japanese culture in general.

I'm also a big fan of the original Deus Ex game and Evangelion. Love talking about music, philosophy, anything really.

 

[abysss.s]

hello
u can call me abyss, or neko
21f, i joined the site a month or so ago, thought why not do an intro
i joined cuz most of the time i see no peace for myself, and no future where i make myself proud. i dont have any real diagnosis' right now, but i plan to go to therapy soon....maybe lol

well, im not good at intros
see everyone around :)

 

[RandomGuy24]

I'm RandomGuy24, 24m (unsurprisingly)
I'm here to figure out an appealing way to ctb, or just to vent and figure out my own thoughts since I doubt i'll ever go to see a professional.

I'm a big fan of the physical sciences and not much else.

 

[PixelAngel]

Angel, 36, mtf trans but indefinitely trapped in the closet. Among my alphabet diagnoses are autism, BPD, CPTSD, and my anxiety has only steadily increased over my life into agoraphobia. At age 5 I asked my step father, in the only words a child has to describe such things, why I didn't feel happy like everybody else. 2 attempts after a life of various traumas. Never had a thing to like about myself.

I'm an artist, computer hardware enjoyer/gamer, horror-loving general nerd, and in all my attempts to find distractions or reasons for going on, I've picked up many distractions, hobbies and taken many jobs. I'm bad at communication norms and I don't take 'hints', so forgive me if I misstep.

 

[throwawayghm]

sup
larper from ohio i like airsoft thats about it cant really enjoy any other hobbies I used to have im fucked idk

 

[kazatte]

hello!! my name is amia and i'm currently a student studying history. i'm passionate about music, history (duh), writing, and politics (...unfortunately). as i'm sure you can tell from my current profile picture, i am very much obsessed with project sekai. funnily enough though mafuyu is not my favorite character (that would be ena) OR the one i relate to the most (that would be mizuki). i love vocaloid in general though :) if you also like pjsk and/or vocaloid i'd love to talk about it with you when i unlock pm permissions

i suffer from a slew of mental health conditions (there is a lot going on with me) and i most notably deal with chronic suicidal ideation, so i'm pretty much thinking about ctb every day. i have been lurking on here as a viewer for a while but finally joined a few days ago

i'm also very bad at self introductions despite being a pretty talkative person

 

[EternalShore]

Angel, 36, mtf trans but indefinitely trapped in the closet. Among my alphabet diagnoses are autism, BPD, CPTSD, and my anxiety has only steadily increased over my life into agoraphobia. At age 5 I asked my step father, in the only words a child has to describe such things, why I didn't feel happy like everybody else. 2 attempts after a life of various traumas. Never had a thing to like about myself.

I'm an artist, computer hardware enjoyer/gamer, horror-loving general nerd, and in all my attempts to find distractions or reasons for going on, I've picked up many distractions, hobbies and taken many jobs. I'm bad at communication norms and I don't take 'hints', so forgive me if I misstep.

I'm sorry that you're here~ :( That sounds really awful~ :( never being able to be your true and depressed since 5~ >_< and truly, so many things like that feel like mere distractions~ :( regardless, I hope you enjoy your stay~ :)

sup
larper from ohio i like airsoft thats about it cant really enjoy any other hobbies I used to have im fucked idk

welcome to SaSu~ :) I'm sorry that you've been forced to come here~ :( it's so silly imo that you say you like airsoft, and that's it tho! hehe~ I'm glad it brings you some joy~ :) enjoy your stay while you're here~ :)

hello!! my name is amia and i'm currently a student studying history. i'm passionate about music, history (duh), writing, and politics (...unfortunately). as i'm sure you can tell from my current profile picture, i am very much obsessed with project sekai. funnily enough though mafuyu is not my favorite character (that would be ena) OR the one i relate to the most (that would be mizuki). i love vocaloid in general though :) if you also like pjsk and/or vocaloid i'd love to talk about it with you when i unlock pm permissions

i suffer from a slew of mental health conditions (there is a lot going on with me) and i most notably deal with chronic suicidal ideation, so i'm pretty much thinking about ctb every day. i have been lurking on here as a viewer for a while but finally joined a few days ago

i'm also very bad at self introductions despite being a pretty talkative person

Hey Amia~ ^_^ hehe~ I like history too~ :) and too true about the politics part unfortunately! :( it's always just bad news after bad news~ :( I really need to stop looking into it too~ xD or well, the world could suddenly become better, but well, after years of constant decline in both the world and my life, I doubt that~ >_<
I'm sorry that you've dealt with such problems to force you onto this website tho~ :( Welcome tho, and I hope you find a supportive community to talk to here~ :)
no, your intro was fine~ :)

 

[IMissGoober]

Hello! This is not my first time here, though it is my first account. Spent a lot of time lurking and whatnot.

I've always been a depressive person, so I first found my way here at around 17. I am 26 & male, but was abused by another male at a young age. I dont like to talk about that.

I am also on the Autism Spectrum, Aspergers Syndrome is what I like to call it.

I was diagnosed with Small Fiber Neuropathy in October 2023. But this was not when it started. This nightmare which has stolen my youth began around Covid.

I felt a strange aberration on my upper right quadrant. I figured it was nothing, perhaps a punched nerve that would go away.

NOPE DEAD WRONG

Skipping a few years I have become like the cockroach from metamorphosis. My family treat me like shit, like I have munchausen or something. They have hit me multiple times, tried to control MY SSI money, and generally just been stoned hearted pieces of shir.


They have been the least emotionally
supportive people I have met. Totally sunk into the "Just World Fallacy:" I had to debase myself by begging for rides from them because I can't operate a vehicle.


EUGHH GOOD GOD! I JUST WISH MY PARENTS AND SIBLINGS COULD FEEL MY PAIN FOR ONE DAY


For this reason, I consider CTB. But while I am still here, I could really REALLY use people to talk to!

 

[Wrath]

Longtime lurker from texas (I'm not doxxing myself as I already let it slip in a post last year :c ) I'm almost 20 but I'm not getting better at all.
Autism most likely one shotted me. I make social faux passes all the damn time. I've pretty much given up on even trying.
I don't think there is a point to life if I can't have friends and/or love.

 

[xanthe]

hii i go by xanthe, 21 MtF from the UK. lurked on here for a while lol n i figured i'd introduce myself.

i'm at uni rn studying sound design. been making music since i was like 10 but only rly took it srsly for the last few years. i make mostly edm, hyperpop and hiphop but i listen to most genres :p ive been gaming forever too tho i don't have anything to play on rn. and i rly like pokemon (sylveon and meowscarada are my favs)

i feel like a lot of my problems are tied to intense feelings of dysphoria and self hatred for not looking a certain way, and it only gets worse as i get older. ive been out as trans for nearly five years and im still boymoding most of the time cause i dont pass at all. i was also diagnosed with aspergers age 7, and have had intense social anxiety most of my life.

i think i have some other undiagnosed stuff going on too but honestly its difficult for me to fully make sense of it anymore. i do think about ctb a lot and have tried in the past. hoping to maybe meet and talk to some ppl before then <3

 

[Nexuuz123]

I enjoy games and eating, looking for a peaceful way out

 

[Captain Howdy]

Well I'm 50 year old gay guy from the USA who's slowly watching everything slip away wondering when it will just be over. If you want to know a summary of my story, you can read it here. https://sanctionedsuicide.site/threads/why-i-am-waiting-at-the-bus-stop.216885/

I run a small shop in Pennsylvania.

 

[beautifulpristine]

Hi everyone. I'll try to be honest without rambling and within reason. I've had these feelings since I was 12. I'm almost 30 now. I had an extremely isolated and not good childhood.

I escaped from home in my early 20s, became a sex worker, string of traumatic events happened with various male roommates I had. Luckily I don't live with any of them anymore.

I love my job and I have a great bf now, but the bad feelings and thoughts just never stop. I am starting to think I'm someone who will just never be happy.

Apparently I made this account in 2023 but only today do I have the courage to post. Work is the only thing keeping me sane in the day to day. I feel like a burden to my bf and my friends. I struggle with chronic pain and have brain damage from surviving sepsis years ago.

I'm so tired. I just don't know what to do anymore.

 

[johnnytsunami667]

Hi there, frenchie in the late 20's, fucked around on yandex and ended up here. Wasn't particulary looking for a place like this but It felt more appropriate to talk about these matters in here than anywhere else on the internet or even with close ones in the real life, they just can't understand or simply don't care.

Anyway, bipolar disorder, off my alcohol and drinking issues lately (not for good let's be real) unemployed as I have the superpower to fuck every good opportunity, few traumas in life but mostly an atrocious amount of poor decisions. (probably led by the mental health issue and traumas, I still need a way to find excuses)

But any of the things mentioned above don't define myself in the world. What defines me is that I'm a chill person, easy going with people despite being introvert, good at small talk, enjoys counter strike, football, basketball and the most important is that I love listening to music on a bench outside while having a beer. (preferably during the night)

Will be pleased to interact with any of you here.

 

[Irisse]

Hello everyone, I'm Irisse(not my real name) and I'm a 25 year old woman who is currently in university. I knew this is what I wanted since I was between 12 and 14 years old. I gave life a chance but the walls keep closing in on me and I've decided that enough is enough. My plan was originally to die at the end of my last year in University but my mental state is so bad that I might have to reschedule it for next summer. My method of choice is SN and I hope to discuss it with other members. Before I registered I've been quite the lurker and I can't help but notice the warmth and friendliness of this community and I'm so glad that the mods approved my application. I wish peace upon all of us and I can't wait to start discussions.

 

[Cemetery_Flowers]

Hi everyone, I've been lurking here for a few months now but became a member a few days ago. It's nice to finally meet you all and to be around like-minded people after being alone with my struggles for so long. If you'd like to know more about me, consider checking out my profile. See you around.

 

[Redacted24]

Hi @Cemetery_Flowers , welcome... good to meet you, sorry you're here. Your profile is set to private, but you can change that in the settings.

 

[superbfrawg]

Hi, have been lurking for a while, finally deciding to take matters into my own hands and thinking about CTBing, glad to finally meet some similar people who arent so judgmental about everything

 

[Cemetery_Flowers]

Hi @Cemetery_Flowers , welcome... good to meet you, sorry you're here. Your profile is set to private, but you can change that in the settings.

Thank you for your kind words. I had no idea my profile was set to private, I've fixed it now.

 

[12-hour Kitten]

Hey there, I'm 19 and have been dealing with depression and SI since 10 years old. Future university dropout and present failure. I take meds and go to therapy but I know there's no point anymore. Need to get over my cowardice and find a way to end it all.