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ngmi

ngmi

お前はもう死んでいる。
Dec 1, 2021
25
For my entire life, I have been incapable of talking about myself. It's been this way as far back as I can remember, since elementary school. I have no idea how to repair this lack.

"How was your day?" "What have you been up to?" "How's it going?"

These questions are overwhelming. Obviously by now I'm practiced enough at giving a reflexive "I'm fine" response, but anything beyond that feels burdensome. If it's related to my job, or asked in some kind of structured setting, then I can sometimes have an answer cached. But being asked in a context where there's a real improvised answer expected, I flounder and grasp for something, and it does not come to mind. When I do, sometimes, manage to finish an answer, I always see a disappointed look on the interlocutor's face. There was something their vague and general question was searching for, something a well-adjusted person would have, and I did not possess that thing.

Even more baffling is when I'm expected, as frequently happens in conversation, to spout personal anecdotes unprompted. At this point, you may feel tempted to reply with the stock advice "Just let the other person ramble about themself, most people love that." This advice may be applicable to someone the exact opposite of me, but it does not work when I try it. Even when I am careful to give the most engaging and polite follow-up questions possible, anyone I talk with for an extended time will get sick of this and want to hear about me. And at that point, I'll be left at a loss. Trying to pick out something pristinely anodyne, matched to both the topic at-hand and this particular person's unconfirmable preferences from the whirlwind of memories and thoughts in my brain is impossible. I have no idea how normies pull this feat off.

I nearly flunked out of school because of this problem, because there were classes that required personal introductions and assigned essays with autobiographical detail. It's cost me multiple jobs and literal hundreds of failed interviews. My social life is practically empty -- after the first brushed-off question, people will generally stop speaking to you unless forced to. And dating is obviously impossible, since the entire process of "dating" consists of such inquiries into one's life.

I'm posting about this here, of all places, because I am at my wit's end. This demon has robbed me of everything I care about, and I cannot imagine it leaving my life anytime soon. Therefore, it may as well be time for me to leave this life behind. I've been eyeing the exit sign for many years, now, the door is wide open, and I'm inching closer to it. I hope that whatever comes after this life doesn't have this useless mind of mine in it.



inb4
>If you can't talk about yourself then how did you write that post?
This post took me 2 hours to write. It's not even written well.
 
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SVEN

SVEN

I Wish I'd Been a Jester Too.
Apr 3, 2023
2,815
You're not alone. I find it very challenging and upsetting to have personal questions addressed to me. Just general chat about non personal things I can usually handle, however even queries about my occupation or age, where I live can cause extreme, paranoid panic. And it always seems like as soon as I don't want to answer these questions that's all they want to know and talk about.
Totally get where you're coming from.
 
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futileflutters

futileflutters

Cognitively Immobile Borderline Disast-her
Jul 14, 2020
20
Absolutely terrifying type of interaction.
 
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E

effervescent

Member
Apr 26, 2025
17
Most relatable post on this whole forum. Even casual, low stakes interactions like small talk and online conversation are painful. I used to think it was my anxiety but I really just have nothing worthwhile to say.
 
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H

Hollowman

Empty
Dec 14, 2021
1,802
Very relatable. This issue has ruined me. I didn't start life off with it, my brain was damaged.
 
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divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Angelic
Jan 1, 2024
4,713
The worst is when people ask what your hobbies are what you like to do for fun. I just sit on my ass all the time
 
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