Ijustcantanymore
Student
- Nov 22, 2024
- 136
I can feel the cortisol coursing through my damn body and it hurts. My mind and my body don't want to be alive anymore and it feels like they are trying to will themselves out of existence and can't.
I've realized the only way I'm getting out of here is by gun. It's my best chance. And I'm supposed to be guaranteed the right to bear one according to everyone in my country.
Except lol I can't because I want to use it on myself instead of another person, like???
It's an "inalienable, absolute right"...except for me. Interesting how that works. Hypocritical pos country.
I don't think people understand how deeply hardwired you can be to avoid pain. That's me. I could just jump out my apartment window. I could just slash my wrists. I could do all of this things. But when I try. My brain wins. My fear of pain wins and it sucks. So no I can't just do those things. If it were that easy this site would be empty.
If I had a gun, I would do it. If I become a veggie. My partner has agreed to pull the plug. It's my best way out of here and if I want one. I'm gonna have to get one illegally. Which I'm not smart enough or subtle enough to pull off anyway.
So I'm just fucked. I'm fucked to suffer for countless more decades while everyone around me calls themselves a good person while they're actually just selfish pieces of shit.
I've realized the only way I'm getting out of here is by gun. It's my best chance. And I'm supposed to be guaranteed the right to bear one according to everyone in my country.
Except lol I can't because I want to use it on myself instead of another person, like???
It's an "inalienable, absolute right"...except for me. Interesting how that works. Hypocritical pos country.
I don't think people understand how deeply hardwired you can be to avoid pain. That's me. I could just jump out my apartment window. I could just slash my wrists. I could do all of this things. But when I try. My brain wins. My fear of pain wins and it sucks. So no I can't just do those things. If it were that easy this site would be empty.
If I had a gun, I would do it. If I become a veggie. My partner has agreed to pull the plug. It's my best way out of here and if I want one. I'm gonna have to get one illegally. Which I'm not smart enough or subtle enough to pull off anyway.
So I'm just fucked. I'm fucked to suffer for countless more decades while everyone around me calls themselves a good person while they're actually just selfish pieces of shit.
