In memory of sasu users who passed away

[plan c]

I have complicated feelings about this. Lots of people are gone lately.
But someone has to remember them. I hope this post will persist even after having my own name on it.
@littlecutecorpse Always in our hearts.
My memory do not serve me well. i appreciate help recollecting the names

 

[Ligottian]

Do you know if divinemistress36 is still around?

 

[DeathByBananabread]

Where they wanted to be after no other options were available or offered, ending pain that had no guarantee of stopping.

 

[TomIsNotMyName]

I hope I can be added to this list tomorrow, if everything works out

 

[plan c]

I honestly have little clue

Do you know if divinemistress36 is still around?

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

LCC was just here. I admire her courage.

 

[eggsausagerice]

omg @littlecutecorpse ctbed? i didn't even know until now. she was so young.

@Ligottian
her account still seems active

 

[raybd]

In Memoriam

When in the down I sink my head,
Sleep, Death's twin-brother, times my breath;
Sleep, Death's twin-brother, knows not Death,
Nor can I dream of thee as dead
**
I leave this mortal ark behind,
A weight of nerves without a mind,
And leave the cliffs, and haste away

O'er ocean-mirrors rounded large,
And reach the glow of southern skies.

 

[itsallogrenow]

@dalemar and @Realog11

Feels weird not seeing their names pop up on so many posts

 

[raybd]

@dalemar and @Realog11

Feels weird not seeing their names pop up on so many posts

Yeah.. those two... was making final checks on my SN thread with them last week - then got an injury that's stopped me for this week - sucks. Next week tho. Does look like those two made it to the other side. Dalemar was LATAM he said and made up a way too intricate protocol for SN...

 

[Jello Biafra]

RIP UltimateTrip.

Was a brother from Ukraine who I was in touch with up until he drank 4g of SN. Never heard from him again after he messaged me and let me know he had swallowed the SN.

He did not have any antiemetics, and was of the belief that large doses of SN, such as the 20 or 25g that the protocol recommends was completely unnecessary as it would simply promote vomiting - which a lot of people do regardless of whether or not they took an antiemetic. Must've worked, because I never heard from him again.

While I'm glad he was able to find peace, I am deeply saddened to lose such a bright and thoughtful person who I interacted with here through DMs.

RIP bro. Miss you and all of our thoughtful conversations. I am happy you were able to step through the doorway we call death and put an end to the suffering you dealt with in this physical existence.

 

[eggsausagerice]

While I'm glad he was able to find peace, I am deeply saddened to lose such a bright and thoughtful person who I interacted with here through DMs.

it sucks to lose friends. i still think of the people i used to talk to. i'm sure your friend would appreciate that you still think of him. i get sad when i look back on older threads of people who are gone now.

 

[Jello Biafra]

it sucks to lose friends. i still think of the people i used to talk to. i'm sure your friend would appreciate that you still think of him. i get sad when i look back on older threads of people who are gone now.

It does - especially when it seems that so many people here are so thoughtful and caring. It pisses me off that the general public looks at a website like this and think it's nothing but vile destructiveness. Never have I interacted with so many people who are genuinely empathetic, sweet, and selfless.

It appears that some of us just were not built for the hyper competitive world we live in. No, I am not willing to step on people's toes and screw people over just to get ahead. Unfortunately, those kinds of people are rewarded for such selfish behavior, enjoying life's luxuries and spoils.

If being successful is defined as an asshole who only cares about themself, I don't want any part of it. Donald J Trump is the perfect example. A dumb nitwit who weaponized courts and screwed over blue collar contractors his entire life - "you will take half of our agreed upon contract or you can take me to court when I have lawyers on retainer and will bleed you dry in legal fees and delays".

I generally dislike most people. It's just a shame that honest, sincere, caring people are looked at as "unsuccessful" because they are not willing to engage in horribly selfish behavior.

 

[OzymandiAsh]

It does - especially when it seems that so many people here are so thoughtful and caring. It pisses me off that the general public looks at a website like this and think it's nothing but vile destructiveness. Never have I interacted with so many people who are genuinely empathetic, sweet, and selfless.

It appears that some of us just were not built for the hyper competitive world we live in. No, I am not willing to step on people's toes and screw people over just to get ahead. Unfortunately, those kinds of people are rewarded for such selfish behavior, enjoying life's luxuries and spoils.

If being successful is defined as an asshole who only cares about themself, I don't want any part of it. Donald J Trump is the perfect example. A dumb nitwit who weaponized courts and screwed over blue collar contractors his entire life - "you will take half of our agreed upon contract or you can take me to court when I have lawyers on retainer and will bleed you dry in legal fees and delays".

I generally dislike most people. It's just a shame that honest, sincere, caring people are looked at as "unsuccessful" because they are not willing to engage in horribly selfish behavior.

It is often a person's abundance of empathy, thoughtfulness and caring which can make life so fucking painful and unbearable. All the second hand, vicarious trauma, all the horrifying knowledge of the depths of suffering, which is often suffering inflicted by evil and stupidity... all the powerlessness and futility.

 

[raybd]

It does - especially when it seems that so many people here are so thoughtful and caring. It pisses me off that the general public looks at a website like this and think it's nothing but vile destructiveness. Never have I interacted with so many people who are genuinely empathetic, sweet, and selfless.

It appears that some of us just were not built for the hyper competitive world we live in. No, I am not willing to step on people's toes and screw people over just to get ahead. Unfortunately, those kinds of people are rewarded for such selfish behavior, enjoying life's luxuries and spoils.

If being successful is defined as an asshole who only cares about themself, I don't want any part of it. Donald J Trump is the perfect example. A dumb nitwit who weaponized courts and screwed over blue collar contractors his entire life - "you will take half of our agreed upon contract or you can take me to court when I have lawyers on retainer and will bleed you dry in legal fees and delays".

I generally dislike most people. It's just a shame that honest, sincere, caring people are looked at as "unsuccessful" because they are not willing to engage in horribly selfish behavior.

You know, there's a way to deal with the "hyper competitive world" without fighting everyone at every corner. Transcendence. In Quality of work or at least strategy. If you can obsolete the competition or avoid it going in, there is no competition. The infamous "old boy's network" does the latter. But, I mean doing it legitimately. Competition occurs when people compete for the same resources or rewards. If you keep finding untapped rewards or resources - there would be no competition. I actually kept doing it when I was actually working - now with illness, I have been semi-retired. But, I simply kept finding something new to do, so pointless competition wouldn't be there.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Do you know if divinemistress36 is still around?

Isn't that two weeks ago?

 

[Jello Biafra]

You know, there's a way to deal with the "hyper competitive world" without fighting everyone at every corner. Transcendence. In Quality of work or at least strategy. If you can obsolete the competition or avoid it going in, there is no competition. The infamous "old boy's network" does the latter. But, I mean doing it legitimately. Competition occurs when people compete for the same resources or rewards. If you keep finding untapped rewards or resources - there would be no competition. I actually kept doing it when I was actually working - now with illness, I have been semi-retired. But, I simply kept finding something new to do, so pointless competition wouldn't be there.

Certainly - I don't subscribe to absolutes, as I consider such an illogical fallacy.

There are people out there who are successful and enjoy a life of reward, without crushing people along the way.

However, that said, I would say those are the exception rather than the rule.

It is often a person's abundance of empathy, thoughtfulness and caring which can make life so fucking painful and unbearable. All the second hand, vicarious trauma, all the horrifying knowledge of the depths of suffering, which is often suffering inflicted by evil and stupidity... all the powerlessness and futility.

I gave you a like, but I'm not sure if I understand your first sentence.

Are you saying that someone who is empathetic, thoughtful, and caring are the catalyst for pain and suffering? Not sure if I understand your angle here. I would much rather prefer an empathetic individual, who attempts to put themselves in other people's shoes and understand their perspective rather than someone who is selfish and rolls their eyes at the struggles other people go through.

EDIT Nevermind - I understand what you are saying now.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

NoLoveNoHope. We never talked much, but we were in the same Discord server. Her absence is felt.

I can only hope she achieved peace.

 

[tzon]

The one you mentioned, OP, littlecutecorpse.

In my head I was like '"please come back",

Last seen though, Jan 4th ... I dd not message her or whatever. I did not know her....
But I followed that thread, until her... demise.

Hope she found what she was looking for.

 

[plan c]

So tell me every1. How do u feel when smone on here passes away? I feel this question might burn your eyes from the distance of a screen, yet i truly desire as many answers from u. I'll take a moment to think on it for myself. u'all are of great help
I think there are many components of my emotions which i'll try not to conceal. though some are too weak and subconscious to be identified accurately.

I would feel anxiety first of all, likely due to human instinct upon deaths of others. I understand how our body and mind were long ago programmed to behave like this -- how death of own kind are recognized as signs of danger and calamity, and how we had been hard-coded to survive since. I also would find myself desperately searching for reasons to detach from ppl. I'll sit in silence with social media and sasu offline for a few hours, revisiting the details, sometimes uncontrollably. This is the hardest part.

Love joins, and hate separates, I endure ceaseless pain and loneliness when I soak myself inside the bitter medium of this, "hate", which is neither solid nor fluid. I have no idea what I hate in particular. Only tiny buds of self-hatred, a subconscious and transient signal of "maybe I could have done sth. and stuff would have turned out different." But I lack the power in my body and mind to grab it. I fail to believe I have any agent to bring about any changes. And I would quickly realize there have been nothing I could have done. I feel no guilt that lingers after all, and no hatred upon others. Only saddened by the fact that another shade of unique hue has been irreversibly erased from this world for good. I wish i could burst into tears if that leviates anything from my chest.

Sorry if this deviates from the topic. I would keep searching for names and remember them. And i realize im bad at sth i started. but will keep doing.

Just have to cope myself for a little longer

 

[ScaredCutter]

CaptainSunshine! , i saw them back in oct/nov replying in posts and sometimes making threads, thought they were pretty interesting. they didnt make a public post about when they were gonna die, just put it somewhere people would likely gloss over and look somewhere else instead.

 

[tzon]

I'd also like to give an honorable mention to a friend who died at rehab.

It was just so weird.... suddenly .... gone? They didn't give me details, so I do not know how. He assisted me voluntarily in making the breakfast table ready a few days earlier.... it's just.... weird..... how they are suddenly not amongst us anymore.....

 

[sweetdrowning]

rozeske

black money boys

their last words shake me to my core. i hope they found peace.

 

[KaliAimes012]

Welp im going tonight so might aswell add me or smt

 

[ForeverSubhuman]

84 more days

 

[amor.dor]

@Carryline

@Realog11
I remember him always researching and asking questions. He really prepared a lot.
He seemed in a real hurry to CTB, but he also left very quickly.
I talked to them a few times, in posts and DMs.



@Sun_
The gentle "Aisling." never made a goodbye post, but also committed CTB,I was able to confirm...
was a truly very kind person to everyone, even though they didn't participate much in Sasu.
Rest in peace

 

[Marsoff]

Free at last!

 

[ForestGhost]

I could probably spend hours writing about people on this thread, but for now...

@BlackCatCrossing was the first person I ever spoke to here. She didn't stay very long as she was very committed to finding her leave, but she was always lovely and considerate to me. In her final weekend she spent a nice day out with her CTB partner (another user here, "Lulu Sun" I believe), then they departed together with SN. Her life story was deeply heartbreaking but I'm happy she was able to find some companionship in her final days. You aren't forgotten my friend

 

[Deer_Dairy]

it sucks to lose friends. i still think of the people i used to talk to. i'm sure your friend would appreciate that you still think of him. i get sad when i look back on older threads of people who are gone now.

Yes, it is normal to feel sad after loss of good person. But think about it like they chose what they feel is the best for them and now they are free of everything that makes them feel pain. Tbh, I feel more anger than sadness. Anger to those who made them to see cbt like the best option.
But old friends, nice caring people, are free of everything that made them sad. I think about them as the ones who had the courage and will to make hard decision and for this I have great respect to them.

 

[raybd]

In Memoriam

When in the down I sink my head,
Sleep, Death's twin-brother, times my breath;
Sleep, Death's twin-brother, knows not Death,
Nor can I dream of thee as dead
**
I leave this mortal ark behind,
A weight of nerves without a mind,
And leave the cliffs, and haste away

O'er ocean-mirrors rounded large,
And reach the glow of southern skies.

For those of you too young or not native English speakers or are unfamiliar for other reasons - that's from THE "In Memoriam" by Tennyson, the work that was his high point.