I'm still alive; I still think: I must still be alive because I still have to think. Sum, ergo cogito: cogito, ergo sum.

[ValiValid]

"Today everyone allows himself to express his dearest wish and thoughts: so I, too, want to say what I wish from myself today and what thought first crossed my heart - what thought shall be the reason, warrant, and sweetness of the rest of my life! I want to learn more and more how to see what is necessary in things as what is beautiful in them - thus I will be one of those who make things beautiful.
Amor fati: let that be my love from now on! I do not want to wage war against ugliness. I do not want to accuse; I do not even want to accuse the accusers. Let looking away be my only negation! And, all in all and on the whole: some day I want only to be a Yes-sayer!"

I am tired of pussy footing. Either u-ValiValid do it or fucking don't. So today I've decided. I have set a death date - memento mori.
* 09:00 - Sep 21, 2030
* 60 months or
* 261 weeks or
* 1,825 days from now

As visual reminder I've installed the following on my phone and windows pc,
Android
Countdown Live Wallpaper - Ninko (a live wallpaper)
Countdown Widget - Sunflower Inc (customizable widget)
Windows
Rainmeter - Desktop live widgets
Magnumizer - Countdown widget for Rainmeter

Let these days be the last day where I finally try - no holding back - no pussy footing. And if by the end of the period if I do not figure it out - I am tired of teasing I will ctb.

No more looking back - no more second guessing myself - no more asking myself questions. I will get my affairs in order.