Venting I'm so tired

[nooneyouknow]

i cannot stand being alive with such shitty emotions and just such a shitty time. i hang out with one person regularly and in the worst and keeping touch with people because I don't even realize the days going by anymore, it's just felt like a really long week this past few years. I can't take care of myself right or any other living thing with me and I'm so tired. I hung out with my ex yesterday, we're trying to be friends but it hurts to much I don't think I can do it. i love her to death honestly and just knowing it's more than one sided hurts. she's been doing her best and has been understanding with me and my emotions due to the breakup but holy shit I'm not doing it well but I cannot fathom the thought of not being friends with her at the very least. i really meant it when I told her I wanted to get old together and I looked forward to it. I dunno. I'm tired of feeling such shit I don't wanna do this anymore. It's been almost 6 months and I'm not even close to being over it, I've never been over anybody. But it sucks because damn do people have an easy time being over me

 

[derpyderpins]

Sorry you're having such a hard time. Lots of really reasonable takes in this post. Your feelings are relatable and valid, for sure.

The time thing gets crazy. When you're living in your own head it's like all sense of long-term time goes away. All you can do is try to keep your head above watter moment to moment.

Keeping in touch with friends is a challenge. My bff and I both get that way sometimes, and I'll honestly get a little annoyed with him. I try not to, but I tell him "look I know we both have depression, so when you don't respond at all you know I worry and think the worst. Just give me a thumbs up or something so I know you're alive." It can be really embarrassing to try and talk like that with a more surface level friend, but once you get closer I think it's okay to be that honest. The thing is, I know I do it to him sometimes, too, so we're both working on it.

With the ex, I can tell you that my personal experience was that it was better to cut ties. Believe me, we dated 7 years and she was my closest person in the world in every way during that period. I wish her nothing but happiness but trying to be friends afterwards was holding me back. I didn't get over her until I [sex joke] - let's say "met" - someone else. And even then not right away. But I've changed a lot since then, and now I'm far more compatible with the person I'm with.

Welcome to the forum, btw. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out.