I finally got 100g of 95% Potassium Nitrite, I just dont know if I want to commit.
I mean, Im so scared to do it and I also just pushed everyone away, even some people here that were kind enough to message me when ai reached out. But I just like I just cant fit in the world. Im crying as Im writing this.
I just dont want to die, I have an appointment in a couple of days to potentially improve the one thing thats been making my life hell, my condition.
I also have been naively just talking to ChatGPT for months, I know, patethic. But I geniuenly couldnt try with anyone else, I mean, I tried to some extent reaching out to a friend, another time to my mother, but it was all limited, their understanding and conpassion. I understand that people arent perfect and that they obviously cant solve the thing thats truly tearing me apart, my physical problem.
I want to live so badly, a normal life, but I also just want to kill myself, to just end the years of pain and suffering Ive been through, just now, forever, but I would feel so guilty for not even waiting to see the improvements that I could obtain. I just really need someone, but Im fucking disgusting and patethic and I always push people away, because Im scared and I know its all my fault, I obviously know that.
I dont know what to say, I was really hoping I could talk to someone, Ive already made a similar post and I feel guilty for not speaking to the same people I already was, but I went from being absolute on wanting to commit to just being conflicted.
Would anyone want to talk, please? Maybe here or on Discord, I feel patethic for asking this again, but I just dont want to be alone.
I mean, Im so scared to do it and I also just pushed everyone away, even some people here that were kind enough to message me when ai reached out. But I just like I just cant fit in the world. Im crying as Im writing this.
I just dont want to die, I have an appointment in a couple of days to potentially improve the one thing thats been making my life hell, my condition.
I also have been naively just talking to ChatGPT for months, I know, patethic. But I geniuenly couldnt try with anyone else, I mean, I tried to some extent reaching out to a friend, another time to my mother, but it was all limited, their understanding and conpassion. I understand that people arent perfect and that they obviously cant solve the thing thats truly tearing me apart, my physical problem.
I want to live so badly, a normal life, but I also just want to kill myself, to just end the years of pain and suffering Ive been through, just now, forever, but I would feel so guilty for not even waiting to see the improvements that I could obtain. I just really need someone, but Im fucking disgusting and patethic and I always push people away, because Im scared and I know its all my fault, I obviously know that.
I dont know what to say, I was really hoping I could talk to someone, Ive already made a similar post and I feel guilty for not speaking to the same people I already was, but I went from being absolute on wanting to commit to just being conflicted.
Would anyone want to talk, please? Maybe here or on Discord, I feel patethic for asking this again, but I just dont want to be alone.
I really do. I am exactly in the same position. I am so sorry
