I'm scared of quitting my remote job because of my health and because it may fasten ctb

[Motoko]

Yea, I know it sounds like first world problem. How can someone complain on their fully remote job, right?
I have health issues and combining this with full time work on-site, my life would be harder. Having bad conditions in apartment like no fridge, no washing machine etc. doesn't help either. I am afraid I wouldn't handle working full time on-site too well physically and psychologically. I am afraid that if I quit my job, it will fasten my decision to ctb. I don't want to live, but I don't want to force ctb at the moment.

My boss is making me angry so much. She is annoying as hell. Yes, even when working remotely. Maybe I am just a snowflake, who knows. I have so many fights in my head after working hours. I am stuck in a freaking loop.

I am too stupid to even describe here what I think and what I want to say. Basically, I feel trapped. I would like to try something new, but I am afraid that quitting my job will speed up the ctb process which I have been prolonging.

Man, I won't get my health back. I won't get my spirit back. I can't believe that my life was so different years ago.

Also, isn't it so fucking unfair and annoying that your live depends on your boss? Because of (or thanks to?) your boss you can buy food and survive. This is so fucked up. Same goes for apartments if you're renting. Maybe I have problems with my ego? Maybe I should be more grateful? But it's so hard when I think that I can't be independent and that my life depends on my boss and owner of the apartment where I live.

I'm wondering if anyone here faced something similar.

 

[Hvergelmir]

Yes, even when working remotely. Maybe I am just a snowflake, who knows.

Working remotely is not some perk, coming with the expectation for you to willingly take more shit.

Changing job comes with uncertainty, but I think you should look around for alternatives. If possible, stick with what you got until you get another offer.

Also, isn't it so fucking unfair and annoying that your live depends on your boss? [...] Maybe I should be more grateful?

They're buying a service from you. It ought to be mutually beneficial.
If it's not, it ought to be changed. Try to see and use your own agency. You're not a serf, unless you allow yourself to be one.

 

[webb&flow]

YOU ARE NOT A SNOWFLAKE you are dealing with real pain and suffering from someone who is kicking down in a hierarchy.

Yes yes it's very unfair your boss is pulling strings over your food and sustenance.

As the person above me said far more eloquently!! "You are not a serf". You do have agency, even when you feel like you're being forced.

THEY are BUYING your skills! You are worthy and enough by yourself: and you are more than anyone else's asset. You have the power to leave your job when your boss acts like a jerk to you. They deserve it. You don't.

Wishing you the best in looking for a new remote job. It is possible. You have job experience which your next employer will value greatly.

You are worth more as a human being than how your shitty boss treats you. As with a bad relationship—where a person is subjected to rude unacceptable behavior and refusing recourse or change—you should leave. And find better. You are experienced and hardworking: you have valuable skills and are willing to do real work with people who are cooperative and not fucking jerks who turn your life into a living hell.

Don't be grateful for being insulted. Be angry. Desire for something good. Don't settle for hell: continue to strive for what you want most.

There is only one way to find out if what we want most is possible. Let us strive, and fight to get what we want most: or at least die trying, freed from regrets, living our best life.

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[A_Spartan_Dead]

Yea, I know it sounds like first world problem. How can someone complain on their fully remote job, right?
I have health issues and combining this with full time work on-site, my life would be harder. Having bad conditions in apartment like no fridge, no washing machine etc. doesn't help either. I am afraid I wouldn't handle working full time on-site too well physically and psychologically. I am afraid that if I quit my job, it will fasten my decision to ctb. I don't want to live, but I don't want to force ctb at the moment.

My boss is making me angry so much. She is annoying as hell. Yes, even when working remotely. Maybe I am just a snowflake, who knows. I have so many fights in my head after working hours. I am stuck in a freaking loop.

I am too stupid to even describe here what I think and what I want to say. Basically, I feel trapped. I would like to try something new, but I am afraid that quitting my job will speed up the ctb process which I have been prolonging.

Man, I won't get my health back. I won't get my spirit back. I can't believe that my life was so different years ago.

Also, isn't it so fucking unfair and annoying that your live depends on your boss? Because of (or thanks to?) your boss you can buy food and survive. This is so fucked up. Same goes for apartments if you're renting. Maybe I have problems with my ego? Maybe I should be more grateful? But it's so hard when I think that I can't be independent and that my life depends on my boss and owner of the apartment where I live.

I'm wondering if anyone here faced something similar.

Not really we've all been there and ended up losing our jobs and want to CTB since we can't affect circumstances that precipitate our depression.
I'd say however if you have stable housing that you won't get kicked out of and your job to maintain it then try and stay where you are. better than being homeless like I'm gonna end up soon...or others are already.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I work freelance from home and have the same worries about returning to a working environment. But then, I get annoyed when people say it's 'lucky'. It took a lot of work and risk to do it- as I imagine your job did also.

I probably should be more grateful too. I sort of am but then, I'm also just tired of working generally. It's the lesser of the evils I've found but still- it's not without it's own issues. And like you say- no matter what you do, there's still some interaction with people.

I think the threat of having to return to worse jobs and just the worry and grind of it all can be troubling though regardless. I think it's justified.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I sympathize and I'm in a similar position. I was hired to work from home and have now been ordered back to the office for half of my work time, now there's already discussions of going back to the office full time. My job is very stressful (dealing with unhappy people), travel and not having access to my fridge at all times is even more stress on top of that.

In my sincere opinion, people just talk in the office anyways and barely work harder compared to being at home. At least at home I can do some laundry or clean my dishes while waiting for a callback instead or wasting precious after-work time. I'm a bit agoraphobic and freeze up when I'm rushed. If I will be forced to leave the house for work anyways, I would have taken a trade instead. I've even thought of going back to college to pick up a trade, but now that I work a mentally demanding job I don't have the energy.