i'll just die asap, i can't wait

[nails]

i don't feel like waiting 5+ months for a gun, i'm just gonna buy sn now. i have antiemetics that i got prescribed pretty recently (unrelated to ctb, i was actually just having issues with vomiting). i think i have everything i need, i'm only worried about the fact that i won't have enough alone time, but i think it'll work out.

all the things that brought me any amount of joy or drive to live are gone. my friends kept me here, they were my primary source of joy, but they're all gone now. i've lost some other things that brought me happiness, but i think i'd feel the same even if i still had those things. loneliness just sucked everything out of me, nothing is good.
on top of that, things just keep getting worse. my life can't remain uneventful, horrible shit just keeps piling on. i can't even cope, there's no joy in my life to fall back on, it's all gone.

i feel cornered, ctb is my only option now because i'm deteriorating and i'm just getting consumed by these constant thoughts and loneliness. i have nowhere to go with any of this and no way to cope, i really can't wait much longer.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I'm sorry it's come to this point where it's so unbearable you can't wait anymore. Loneliness is unbearable. I hope everything goes well and you find peace somehow.

 

[nails]

I'm sorry it's come to this point where it's so unbearable you can't wait anymore. Loneliness is unbearable. I hope everything goes well and you find peace somehow.

it's so hard not to feel pathetic, i can't even hold out for a few months and that's so lame to me.
thank you for the kind words, i'm wishing you the best.