If you're going to ctb, might as well gamble

[salamid]

As the title says. If you're already 100% set on doing it very soon (after you already got everything you need ofc), you might as well gamble all of your money, right? At least if you're in a situation where you think being rich would make you try living again. Personally if I got a million dollars I think it'll be a while until I consider ctb again. So if you gamble right before you do it, worst case scenario you lose it all but are about to ctb anyway, or you win big. The only loss that I guess you would have is if you really want to give what you have left to someone else after you die.

 

[Dark Moon]

As the title says. If you're already 100% set on doing it very soon (after you already got everything you need ofc), you might as well gamble all of your money, right? At least if you're in a situation where you think being rich would make you try living again. Personally if I got a million dollars I think it'll be a while until I consider ctb again. So if you gamble right before you do it, worst case scenario you lose it all but are about to ctb anyway, or you win big. The only loss that I guess you would have is if you really want to give what you have left to someone else after you die.

Not everyone cares about money or materislism and I want to be gone, so any winnings from gambling is meaningless because I would have to give it away before dying. It's the same with investing; there's a chance I could lose it but any profits/gains made would have to be given away or blown on something.

 

[salamid]

Not everyone cares about money or materislism and I want to be gone, so any winnings from gambling is meaningless because I would have to give it away before dying. It's the same with investing; there's a chance I could lose it but any profits/gains made would have to be given away or blown on something.

yeah I get that. Not having to be a wagie would probably do a lot for me though.

 

[Forveleth]

Great plan until your SI kicks in or your attempt gets interrupted or otherwise fails, and then you are alive AND have no money.

 

[salamid]

Great plan until your SI kicks in or your attempt gets interrupted or otherwise fails, and then you are alive AND have no money.

I guess. I could never imagine failing suicide. Preparation might be difficult sure but once I have everything I need I think I could easily do it. I don't see myself doing a method that has a big chance of failure, I'd probably take drugs in a way that I'll die for sure (like smoke some fent), or run off of a ledge on a very high place above a hard surface with my eyes closed.

I think that in order for me to actually hit the button to gamble everything away (I would probably just do online gambling), my mind will have to be so set by that point that I'll overcome any SI/second thoughts, because I know that once it's all gone there's no going back. I don't think I'm gonna think about the decision anymore after that and I'm just gonna do it. I'll treat the decision of gambling as essentially killing myself already, accept that realistically I'll lose it all. You might say "easier said than done", but I really think it will be like this for me if I did it.

 

[pomie]

i've thought this exact same thing too. I've been really wanting to go to a casino or buy lottery tickets recently

 

[salamid]

i've thought this exact same thing too. I've been really wanting to go to a casino or buy lottery tickets recently

if you do it that way, you have to be REALLY sure that you are gonna pull it off. If you go to a casino, you have too much time to think about it, to change your mind, for SI to kick in, before you go and actually do it. That's why I would do online gambling. I can do that anywhere on my phone and then ctb seconds after I see the result. Although I also see the appeal of a casino, the atmosphere seems kind of fun. But still not worth it imo.

 

[Johnny99]

I am considering CTB because 15 years of pathological gambling. Now when I gamble my paycheck the same day it comes, I just think "that's okay, I thought to ctb anyway". It's kind of empowering that no matter how shitty things get you just think "yeah that just reinforces that ctb is the way to go".

I won 52,000€ from a 25€ deposit at online casino a few weeks ago, and felt happy that I might have a chance to live after all, but lost it all the same night and was like "nah, false hope again,"

 

[salamid]

I am considering CTB because 15 years of pathological gambling. Now when I gamble my paycheck the same day it comes, I just think "that's okay, I thought to ctb anyway". It's kind of empowering that no matter how shitty things get you just think "yeah that just reinforces that ctb is the way to go".

I won 52,000€ from a 25€ deposit at online casino a few weeks ago, and felt happy that I might have a chance to live after all, but lost it all the same night and was like "nah, false hope again,"

Do you mean the logical part of your brain has concluded that ctb is such an easy and good way to end all of your problems, but your SI/inborn will to live is too strong, making you unable to go through with it? So every time your situation gets worse (= you gambling every paycheck away again), you get closer to overcoming that and actually going through with it? Is that what you meant when you said it empowers you?

 

[TAW122]

What @Forveleth said here, and yes, having no money at all after a failed attempt or so puts one in a really bad situation all around. I know if I'm deadset on CTB'ing, I'd at least have some money in case some things go wrong, be it SI, unexpected interruptions or setbacks (not necessarily mid-attempt or so but could be before attempt), at least I would have money for the aftermath or even interim until the future.

 

[Johnny99]

Do you mean the logical part of your brain has concluded that ctb is such an easy and good way to end all of your problems, but your SI/inborn will to live is too strong, making you unable to go through with it? So every time your situation gets worse (= you gambling every paycheck away again), you get closer to overcoming that and actually going through with it? Is that what you meant when you said it empowers you?

Yeah pretty much. So everytime I lose, I get confirmation that ctb is really the only way out after so many failures after failures that at some point the camel's back breaks.
But everytime I gamble I still have the small hope it might change things if I win big enough. Something like 100k at minimum to get a new start.

But really, without gambling, I probably wouldn't be here because I would still have so many options that gambling took away.

I was able to not gamble when I was treated for ADHD and my life got better. But then doctors decided I don't have it after all which started the spiral again that may end up being fatal. So thanks a lot doctors for killing me :p