"I'd like to feel a bit better/ I'd like to recover" Support Group Megathread

[Praestat_Mori]

Unfortunately, this thread became very inactive in recent months.

I just want to find a way to feel safe again. I'm so afraid all the time and have no hope for the future.

I don't even know if I count as "recovering" because I'm only staying alive so I don't transfer my pain to my mom. But I can't see a future of safety or happiness for myself and I don't know how long I'll be able to go on only living for someone else.

The loudest voice in my head all the time is "You are not safe, you will never be safe" and I just want it all to stop. But all I can do is put a bandaid on a gunshot wound by playing youtube videos and podcasts all the time to drown that voice out. Nothing else helps me.

EDIT: uuups idk, it seems I forgot to write what I wanted to say.

Welcome to the Recovery Megathread!

Why do you feel unsafe? What bothers you? Is there sth that is causing this? Can this issue be solved? If you know that you might be able to find a solution. Why don't you have hope for the future?

Someone broke my trust and did it during my lowest, most vulnerable state. I survived it but now I'm experiencing the after effects (anxiety and overanalyzing stuff). I hate experiencing this part of being hurt (enduring the pain). I know I'll get better, but this just sucks lol. I have friends, but I cannot pester them all the time. I try to keep myself distracted. I just hope I could recover quickly this time.

Welcome to the Recovery Megathread!

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Courage and peace. These are the two things I need. Just do my tasks and don't ruminate.

If you've "pulled yourself together," I'd appreciate hearing your story!

 

[Hope;ess Fear]

Unfortunately, this thread became very inactive in recent months.


EDIT: uuups idk, it seems I forgot to write what I wanted to say.

Welcome to the Recovery Megathread!

Why do you feel unsafe? What bothers you? Is there sth that is causing this? Can this issue be solved? If you know that you might be able to find a solution. Why don't you have hope for the future?


Welcome to the Recovery Megathread!

I feel unsafe because I live in a country that thinks I'm a predator for being gay and that I deserve to be executed for being autistic. Unemployment is soaring, healthcare is getting less accessible, costs are rising, and the government is using the military against ordinary people. I don't have a solution for this and can't really fix it on my own.

 

[meemee]

Dropping by after a few weeks. I wouldn't say I'm fully recovered, but I'm much better than how I was weeks ago. So far life has been mundane, but mundane is good. I wish you all guys peace of mind and happiness in the long run. It may or may not get better, but what's important is that you're trying :).

 

[kiwimochii]

I wish I could atleast complete the tasks i have to do. I feel like a failure in life, i see everyone doing their work, getting up in the morning, going to college and I can't help but feel envious. Such seemingly easy tasks for them feel like such mammoth activities. I don't want to drag myself out of bed, i don't want life to be so hard. Why is the mere act of existing so tiring. I'm disappointing myself and the people I care about.

 

[679chocolates]

I wish I could atleast complete the tasks i have to do. I feel like a failure in life, i see everyone doing their work, getting up in the morning, going to college and I can't help but feel envious. Such seemingly easy tasks for them feel like such mammoth activities. I don't want to drag myself out of bed, i don't want life to be so hard. Why is the mere act of existing so tiring. I'm disappointing myself and the people I care about.

existence is tiring, one way i've learned to look at it is many people feel the same way but don't vocalize it like you and me, they just slug on not looking to improve or change, just doing the motions, everyone is tired but life's a marathon not a race, you don't have to feel rushed, as long as you can set small goals and make reasonable attempts towards them you're growing and progressing and that's all that matters. look to be .1% better today then yesterday, sometimes i'm so unmotivated, my body feels impossible to get out of bed and other days i jump right out make a nice breakfast, work out and have a better day with no significant difference between them. i was a neet for a year and im currently a hikki in college and i'm useless and pathetic. i believe in you kiwimochi i believe you're capable of anything and more.

 

[kiwimochii]

existence is tiring, one way i've learned to look at it is many people feel the same way but don't vocalize it like you and me, they just slug on not looking to improve or change, just doing the motions, everyone is tired but life's a marathon not a race, you don't have to feel rushed, as long as you can set small goals and make reasonable attempts towards them you're growing and progressing and that's all that matters. look to be .1% better today then yesterday, sometimes i'm so unmotivated, my body feels impossible to get out of bed and other days i jump right out make a nice breakfast, work out and have a better day with no significant difference between them. i was a neet for a year and im currently a hikki in college and i'm useless and pathetic. i believe in you kiwimochi i believe you're capable of anything and more.

Wow that made me cry thank you for the kind words. I guess the constant setbacks made me so tired that even trying feels like a waste of time. What use is trying if I'll eventually feel terrible? The past 6 months feel like a joke since I was trying and I do believe I was pushing myself to do what I had to, there were times were I couldn't, were i was weak, but even despite it I used to try. What use was that? I don't feel any better. Completing my tasks, going to college, acting as if it's not draining the absolute life out of me, studying everyday as an effort to distract myself. None of it helped in making me feel better. I just feel really let down by life in general. Sorry for the rant
Although I'm not a hikki currently i can see myself slipping bit by bit. I'm still useless and pathetic so that makes two of us. So if you believe in someone like me you can also extend that kindness to yourself. It's a win if life is kind to atleast one of us

 

[679chocolates]

Wow that made me cry thank you for the kind words. I guess the constant setbacks made me so tired that even trying feels like a waste of time. What use is trying if I'll eventually feel terrible? The past 6 months feel like a joke since I was trying and I do believe I was pushing myself to do what I had to, there were times were I couldn't, were i was weak, but even despite it I used to try. What use was that? I don't feel any better. Completing my tasks, going to college, acting as if it's not draining the absolute life out of me, studying everyday as an effort to distract myself. None of it helped in making me feel better. I just feel really let down by life in general. Sorry for the rant
Although I'm not a hikki currently i can see myself slipping bit by bit. I'm still useless and pathetic so that makes two of us. So if you believe in someone like me you can also extend that kindness to yourself. It's a win if life is kind to atleast one of us

i think it's about believing in yourself and gaslighting yourself into thinking that your efforts will pay off in the long run, there's setbacks and suffering in the short run but in the long run when everything is adding up you'll be better off than someone who completely gave up. the mind is very strong but it is ultimately at your will, it's what makes us feel so miserable, at the same time it can make us happy and even motivated it processes the birds chirping and the ice cream you get after a sunny day at the park and your friend hugging you or your lover giving you a compliment. don't force yourself though, it's okay to be sad and cry and not get up in the morning it's okay to do that 3 days in a row let your body rest and your eyes reset . go at your own pace but never give up because future kiwi will thank you, i support you YOU GOT THIS. (say "i got this")

 

[kiwimochii]

i think it's about believing in yourself and gaslighting yourself into thinking that your efforts will pay off in the long run, there's setbacks and suffering in the short run but in the long run when everything is adding up you'll be better off than someone who completely gave up. the mind is very strong but it is ultimately at your will, it's what makes us feel so miserable, at the same time it can make us happy and even motivated it processes the birds chirping and the ice cream you get after a sunny day at the park and your friend hugging you or your lover giving you a compliment. don't force yourself though, it's okay to be sad and cry and not get up in the morning it's okay to do that 3 days in a row let your body rest and your eyes reset . go at your own pace but never give up because future kiwi will thank you, i support you YOU GOT THIS. (say "i got this")

You're too kind. Also are you someone i know irl? Because I've been doing exactly that for 3 days in a row now lol.
I believe I got this? I'll try again tomorrow. Thank you

 

[kiwimochii]

Well that was depressing.. I did try my best to be productive and do as much i can today. Sucks that I had to go ahead and have a panic attack at the end of the day, i know it wasn't something I can realistically control but it still feels god awful. Feels like a laugh in my face by the universe like "oh look at you trying so hard, here's a sprinkle of suffering to spice it up". My chest hurts so much

 

[lita-lassi]

havent been around in a while, life is still odd. ive ditched the dead weight of a partner who had no designs on helping himself and loved blaming me for everything while he got increasingly aggressive and unstable, for a lifestyle of remaining officially single until i do better with myself (though am already seeing someone who may be one of the best friends with benefits i could've possibly encountered). opportunities manage to be here, in a sort of remote and lonely area when least expected, and im not even an optimist

suicidal thoughts never *fully* leave the mental roster, nor does the depression by a long shot, but being alone and confident with what i want for myself and my future, centering my advances and stability, and not trying to cater to anyone else until i feel more complete and okay with myself has helped SO much. i ditched the abuse, traveled for several weeks on a budget, made love to generous and much more compatible partners, and generally feel less malaise. black moods will always be there, waiting to swarm in when i let myself slide back into them and more often the rude moods just creeping up and engulfing unexpectedly, which is still incredibly frequent and can be as devastating as ever. theyre almost always just *there*, unable to be shooed away and ruining big stretches of time and activity, but man... im getting more bored of the time i spend incapacitated from it these days. maybe a hint of healthy selfishness really does help more than id thought it could

a few years ago i couldnt pick myself up off the floor, sobbing uncontrollably past the point of pain, hurting myself, letting men hurt me, addicted to several substances and staring down lethal amounts of various things for far too long. im still at a very precarious stepping stone in life, one im still not doing fabulous at, frankly, but im still here despite losing everything but my life and the clothes on my back. beyond the basic survival mode that kept me curled up in bed crying for months on end, i really just want to keep learning and studying. thats it. education is the key to my meaning, its really all i have left. i hope everyone has a fabulous day/night/whenever and finds even just part of whatever keeps them going for the moment

(possibly weird update rant but with good intentions, apologies )

great to see those of you still here doing your best miss you guys

 

[kiwimochii]

Things are starting to feel like too much again. My fucked up sleep schedule is probably contributing but college is getting too hectic and the consequences of my actions last year are coming to bite me in my ass. Getting myself involved in clubs felt good back then but god how i regret it now. The pressure of performing well and my upcoming exams are piling up. Feel like I'll break soon

 

[dendritedandruff]

im not sure where to even go from where im at. ive been unemployed for months and im tired of feeling burnt out no matter what i do or what new job i get or what new hobby i try to get into. my experience with therapists has been so spotty but i figure if im gonna consider CTB an option then i might as well try to change literally anything i can to see if it helps lead to recovery. i really don't want to leave my gf behind

 

[HighFlight]

Hello everyone,

A solemn welcome to all who have joined the thread over the past few months. I'm sorry wasn't available to chat at your moment of need, and even now, am not sure how much longer I will be around.

Courage and peace. These are the two things I need.

Please remember that courage isn't the absence of fear or anxiety, but the power to act in the face of them. Courage comes from knowing/believing in the possibility that action is better than inaction. It's like a muscle that gets better the more you use it. But start slowly...

For me, peace is something that can only be achieved internally by accepting yourself as you are today. It's also what makes it so difficult for me to find, as I don't know who I am anymore.

I feel unsafe because I live in a country that thinks I'm a predator for being gay and that I deserve to be executed for being autistic. Unemployment is soaring, healthcare is getting less accessible, costs are rising, and the government is using the military against ordinary people. I don't have a solution for this and can't really fix it on my own.

I can truly relate to this. I don't know what state you're from, but even living in a "safe" state is scary. With 2 children in their early twenties, each with their own strengths and struggles, I am scared for them.

I will say that there are somethings you can do to help.
- put down the phone and step away from the screen. You are being blasted with information designed to make you feel unsafe. Our current political system works by keeping you afraid of something.
- find ways to connect to others in real life. This could be family or friends, Church, community organization, etc.

Yes, I realize the irony of this advice. But it's easier to give advice than follow your own.

Our democracy has seen big problems over the past 250 years. And it has always been the strength of the common people that steered it back on course. It won't happen quickly and there will be a lot of suffering along the way, but I do have faith in the fundamental good of the majority of our fellow citizens.

@Praestat_Mori / @lita-lassi - Thank you for all your support over the past few years.

I will try to get caught up with this thread in the next few days. In the meantime, I am wishing you all the best.

Peace

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Please remember that courage isn't the absence of fear or anxiety, but the power to act in the face of them. Courage comes from knowing/believing in the possibility that action is better than inaction. It's like a muscle that gets better the more you use it. But start slowly...

Yup. That's a truth I don't like to face. It's so comforting to spiral downward into an imagined escape in death. What's hard is saying, "Despite my failures and shame, I'm going to face the world and perform today." I really don't want to say that anymore, but hey, wrong subforum.

 

[HighFlight]

That's a truth I don't like to face. It's so comforting to spiral downward into an imagined escape in death. What's hard is saying, "Despite my failures and shame, I'm going to face the world and perform today."

I know. It's a struggle I deal with it daily - feeling like a complete fraud, screwing up crap at work, not being there for my family, and the list goes on. But I try to get a 3rd party perspective to keep me ground. This can be colleagues at work, or family members - really anyone to let you know that your perceived failures and shame are not that. That you are worthy of more, and while you have made mistakes, so has everyone else. But their mistakes are not that obvious to you. Just like your mistakes are not the obvious to them.

Peace.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

@HighFlight Shame and guilt are the dominant emotions in my life. I struggle to remind myself: no one gives a shit. It's not like I killed someone. At the end of the day it's just saying weird things and failing in career/educational pursuits.

 

[kiwimochii]

I guess stuff will never get better for me on the long run. I'll always reach the familiar point of self pity and self harm one way or the other. It's just a matter of time. I'm so tired of trying.

 

[Hope;ess Fear]

I can truly relate to this. I don't know what state you're from, but even living in a "safe" state is scary. With 2 children in their early twenties, each with their own strengths and struggles, I am scared for them.

I will say that there are somethings you can do to help.
- put down the phone and step away from the screen. You are being blasted with information designed to make you feel unsafe. Our current political system works by keeping you afraid of something.
- find ways to connect to others in real life. This could be family or friends, Church, community organization, etc.

Yes, I realize the irony of this advice. But it's easier to give advice than follow your own.

Our democracy has seen big problems over the past 250 years. And it has always been the strength of the common people that steered it back on course. It won't happen quickly and there will be a lot of suffering along the way, but I do have faith in the fundamental good of the majority of our fellow citizens.

Thank you. My mom and I are moving soon, so I hope maybe I'll feel safer there. We're moving from a large blue city in an otherwise pretty red state to a smaller suburb in a blue state. I want to think that not being in the middle of a big city will help, even if it's just because there's less noise. Even just feeling like I live somewhere too small to be a target might help.

I try to limit social media to two 5-minute uses a day. I'm close with my mom (she's the reason I'm on this part of the site because I don't want to just transfer my pain to her). I talk with my sister weekly but she's a mom to 2 kids under 5 and it's not fair to put that kind of emotional burden on her. She knows I have anxiety, but not the depression or how bad it really is.

I guess stuff will never get better for me on the long run. I'll always reach the familiar point of self pity and self harm one way or the other. It's just a matter of time. I'm so tired of trying.

I don't know if it helps to talk about other things, but do you want to talk about Yotsuba? Reading it helps me feel better sometimes and I want to see the world more like she does, as a place of wonder and new things.

im not sure where to even go from where im at. ive been unemployed for months and im tired of feeling burnt out no matter what i do or what new job i get or what new hobby i try to get into. my experience with therapists has been so spotty but i figure if im gonna consider CTB an option then i might as well try to change literally anything i can to see if it helps lead to recovery. i really don't want to leave my gf behind

As weird as it sounds (I doubted at first too) acupuncture has been really helpful for me. I found a community acupuncture place so it's affordable (they even have some free appointments) and if nothing else, it's half an hour where you have to just lie there and relax. I listen to a comedy podcast when I'm doing it.

Not a psychiatric or medical professional, but maybe it could help you too?

 

[pokerrkitty]

Have been feeling very suicidal lately, but am making the effort today to go out and see a movie and spend time with my friends. I don't know if recovery is truly achievable, but i'd still like to note down every little small moment where things are better.
I feel alright today, and that feels nice.

 

[4colliez]

Things have been really hard lately but I'm having a moment of calm. Felt like I could talk things out, I came to terms with some things, my first paper of the semester got an extremely good grade, I started working out regularly again. Right now things seem like they could keep going well and I think I definitely want to try my best. I don't know how it'll end but I want to stay hopeful for the moment being because I don't feel completely hopeless and lost right now

 

[daleke]

definitely been feeling shitty lately, but it could always be a lot worse. being around people helps even if the instant i'm alone again all the same thoughts come up again. it's borderline physically painful but i'm trying to study for my exams even if it feels pointless.

good things that happened today: someone who i assumed didn't think much about me gave me a thank you card which was kind of them to do. i felt like i was helpful while tutoring another student.

 

[lita-lassi]

gotta love sobbing in the shower for a long time while silently mentally screaming at your entire family for failing you in every conceivable manner

 

[Adûnâi]

Oh no I'm again slightly on the verge of suicide because of the local power outages because the you-know-who are killing my people (hint - it's not the Russians, I will not drop names lest I be banned for you-know-what).

I can rot in bed under a dirty sheet for 6 hours listening to a podcast, but is it worthwhile?

Also, I'm grinding ranked in MLBB, using the few hours of power. Currently legend 2, 4/5 stars.

 

[sonnyw]

Two weeks ago, I was rejected from a job I really wanted. I had been waiting for months for this job selection, and for months I dreamt about how my life would change if I was selected. I would get the job I wanted, I would escape from my unsupportive family, I would go to another country, and basically I would have the chance to start my life over. For months I was disillusioned, and now I'm again down to earth. I'm feeling awful because of this.

 

[Adûnâi]

I've since spent 3 hours listening to radio stations, slept for an hour and then continued grinding MLBB ranked - found a random random, he carried me 5-2 lmao

I'm 3 wins away from Mythic which is a nice target to hit for once. Still have 9 days to spare. Also, today on the 3d day of disaster, the power outage has finally been lightly postponed/cancelled, so that's looking up.

 

[helpls]

I've since spent 3 hours listening to radio stations, slept for an hour and then continued grinding MLBB ranked - found a random random, he carried me 5-2 lmao

I'm 3 wins away from Mythic which is a nice target to hit for once. Still have 9 days to spare. Also, today on the 3d day of disaster, the power outage has finally been lightly postponed/cancelled, so that's looking up.

That's crazyy I've never reached mythic before lol. What role do you play? I used to be a Marksman, Irethel main here!

 

[HighFlight]

Two weeks ago, I was rejected from a job I really wanted. I had been waiting for months for this job selection, and for months I dreamt about how my life would change if I was selected. I would get the job I wanted, I would escape from my unsupportive family, I would go to another country, and basically I would have the chance to start my life over. For months I was disillusioned, and now I'm again down to earth. I'm feeling awful because of this.

I'm sorry, that really sucks when your plans don't go the way you expect. Allow yourself some time and grace to feel awful about it. But don't let it be the ending chapter of who you are. I don't know your circumstances, but have to believe there is a path forward. But regardless of which path you choose, I truly hope that you can find some peace along your journey.

 

[sonnyw]

I'm sorry, that really sucks when your plans don't go the way you expect. Allow yourself some time and grace to feel awful about it. But don't let it be the ending chapter of who you are. I don't know your circumstances, but have to believe there is a path forward. But regardless of which path you choose, I truly hope that you can find some peace along your journey.

Thank you for your reply <3

I don't know... it would truly have been a great opportunity for me, and unfortunately I don't think I will have similar opportunities in the future. Now again I'm stuck at university studying something I don't care about for a career I would hate to pursue.