I used to be considered smart. Eloquent. Talented. Someone who would make it big someday. I used to write, and had been published in a few good places. I topped my grade. I come from a place that was very much the small pond type, and I was the big fish; everyone praised me.
Then I went to college for a few months. The big pond, where I was the small fish. I couldn't deal with this sudden loss of stature. A lot of other things were happening- my grandfather died, I developed diabetes, I was failing my classes, our finances were uncertain. All this during the pandemic.
I gave up; I decided I was better off being dead than mediocre. Of course, my mediocrity wasn't the sole reason, but it massively eroded my self-esteem.
It's been five years since I dropped out of college. Haven't held a job. Haven't talked to anyone IRL apart from my immediate family.
I still stalk people I used to know. One of them was from a similar lower middle class family as mine. They pursued a random degree and went to work as a salesperson and speaker at a company that has sent them to 13 countries, in career progression that is unprecedented for the organisation. Their designation is unique, and they were at the entry-level role they started off at for just one year before being promoted to another vertical. It usually takes 2-3 years for a promotion in the same vertical, and more time to be promoted to another. My jealous self of course had to stalk more; I found you need referrals to be employed at the company, and they are related to a bigwig.
13 countries at the age of 24. Wow. I haven't ever flown.
They always had good public speaking skills, with experience in speech and debate competitions. I did too, but gave up in college due to depression. Maybe if I hadn't given up, if I would have gotten a job like this too. It's niche- only 4-5 companies in my country have such a role, and only this company has the budget it does. But maybe I would have somehow gotten it.
I wonder what job I would have gotten if I had graduated. Would I have gotten to travel?
13 countries. Wow.
Then I went to college for a few months. The big pond, where I was the small fish. I couldn't deal with this sudden loss of stature. A lot of other things were happening- my grandfather died, I developed diabetes, I was failing my classes, our finances were uncertain. All this during the pandemic.
I gave up; I decided I was better off being dead than mediocre. Of course, my mediocrity wasn't the sole reason, but it massively eroded my self-esteem.
It's been five years since I dropped out of college. Haven't held a job. Haven't talked to anyone IRL apart from my immediate family.
I still stalk people I used to know. One of them was from a similar lower middle class family as mine. They pursued a random degree and went to work as a salesperson and speaker at a company that has sent them to 13 countries, in career progression that is unprecedented for the organisation. Their designation is unique, and they were at the entry-level role they started off at for just one year before being promoted to another vertical. It usually takes 2-3 years for a promotion in the same vertical, and more time to be promoted to another. My jealous self of course had to stalk more; I found you need referrals to be employed at the company, and they are related to a bigwig.
13 countries at the age of 24. Wow. I haven't ever flown.
They always had good public speaking skills, with experience in speech and debate competitions. I did too, but gave up in college due to depression. Maybe if I hadn't given up, if I would have gotten a job like this too. It's niche- only 4-5 companies in my country have such a role, and only this company has the budget it does. But maybe I would have somehow gotten it.
I wonder what job I would have gotten if I had graduated. Would I have gotten to travel?
13 countries. Wow.
