I wonder, if people get their SN, would they act right away?

[Matchaaa]

I got my SN back in August last year, but I've been putting it off because of some personal stuff. I also have a stomach ulcer, and I'm worried that it will cause severe pain after I take it.
I feel kind of torn—am I really a coward for not daring to take it without benzodiazepines? And I'm super unsure if going to a hospital would just waste a ton of money and still not get me any.
Sometimes I just feel like such a failure.

 

[iveseenfootage]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

 

[closetoyou]

ive had sn for several months and i haven't used it yet (obviously ig lol). atp im contemplating throwing it away but idk - it's kind of comforting (in a probably toxic way but whatever)

 

[rigsid]

Personally yes that's what I'm doing. I had everything else prepared so when I got my SN on Wednesday I immediately planned to take it as soon as I could which is Saturday, tomorrow

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

how did u deliberate and prepare. for how much time?

 

[iveseenfootage]

how did u deliberate anc prepare. for how much time?

I've been suicidal for as long as I can remember, so quite a few years. I've started seriously considering it in the past couple years with concrete plans maybe made around 6 months ago. Unless some massive changes magically happen in my life, it should happen relatively soon. I really just deliberated on how likely it would be for me to be happy with the road my life was headed down, and realized it was close to 0.

 

[DungEater]

Lot of folks on here seem like they are waiting for the right moment, lot of others like having it as a final option as bleak as it is

 

[UserFromNowhere]

I have SN, I have benzodiazepines, don't have meto (could order it) but do have dimenhydrinate. I've had the SN since sometime last year. I can't bring myself to do it though. Impulsively I'll get the urge to die and go stringing up my rope and trying to hang myself, but I can never go through with it, the thought of actually using the SN feels too far. As though my mind recognizes the finality of it all and can't decide if it wants to go or not. Even though I would be perfectly fine if I passed out from a rope and ended up dying.

 

[lysergamide]

Took me 4 years to act on with sn. The answer is no

 

[Matchaaa]

You're not a coward at all, a decision as big as this is entirely up to you and you shouldn't feel pressured to go through/not go through with it by anyone else. It should be on your terms. Personally, I plan to shortly after I receive it, but thats only because I have spent enough time deliberating and preparing.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. No matter what you decide, I hope you're able to find peace.

ive had sn for several months and i haven't used it yet (obviously ig lol). atp im contemplating throwing it away but idk - it's kind of comforting (in a probably toxic way but whatever)

I feel the same lol. Sometimes I think if SN didn't have an expiration date, I'd probably keep it around for much longer haha.

Personally yes that's what I'm doing. I had everything else prepared so when I got my SN on Wednesday I immediately planned to take it as soon as I could which is Saturday, tomorrow

If you've really decided, I hope you can find peace and that you won't be in pain.

I have SN, I have benzodiazepines, don't have meto (could order it) but do have dimenhydrinate. I've had the SN since sometime last year. I can't bring myself to do it though. Impulsively I'll get the urge to die and go stringing up my rope and trying to hang myself, but I can never go through with it, the thought of actually using the SN feels too far. As though my mind recognizes the finality of it all and can't decide if it wants to go or not. Even though I would be perfectly fine if I passed out from a rope and ended up dying.

I truly hope you can find peace and be free from the pain you're going through.

 

[nitrogenous]

I didn't act straight away because it took some time for the SN to arrive that I just felt like I didn't need to act straight away. My plan was to save the SN for when there was no other way out (for instance being homeless or not being able to afford my meds and having to go on withdrawals). I am very close to being in that situation, but stupidly got my SN taken away by the police yesterday. I reordered my SN just now, this time with express shipping. I'm hoping it will still pass customs without issues (considering the police had that silver package with cement description so I don't know if having similar things coming would be flagged) and I hope it arrives before I have to go homeless or worse, get deported of the country as I am not a citizen/permanent resident yet, but at the same time I can't afford going back home due to the nature of abuse that's happening in my home country.

 

[Matchaaa]

I didn't act straight away because it took some time for the SN to arrive that I just felt like I didn't need to act straight away. My plan was to save the SN for when there was no other way out (for instance being homeless or not being able to afford my meds and having to go on withdrawals). I am very close to being in that situation, but stupidly got my SN taken away by the police yesterday. I reordered my SN just now, this time with express shipping. I'm hoping it will still pass customs without issues (considering the police had that silver package with cement description so I don't know if having similar things coming would be flagged) and I hope it arrives before I have to go homeless or worse, get deported of the country as I am not a citizen/permanent resident yet, but at the same time I can't afford going back home due to the nature of abuse that's happening in my home country.

I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you can find peace and relief.
If you don't mind me asking, have you always lived in Australia?

 

[nitrogenous]

I'm sorry you went through this. I hope you can find peace and relief.
If you don't mind me asking, have you always lived in Australia?

Thank you for your kind words. Nope, I moved here in 2022 and is still very much an international :( So there's very limited support for me and going back home isn't really an option either…

 

[Matchaaa]

Thank you for your kind words. Nope, I moved here in 2022 and is still very much an international :( So there's very limited support for me and going back home isn't really an option either…

I just read some of what you've been through, and I honestly can't imagine it… You're amazingly strong. I really hope life starts being a little kinder to you from now on.

 

[nitrogenous]

I just read some of what you've been through, and I honestly can't imagine it… You're amazingly strong. I really hope life starts being a little kinder to you from now on.

Thank you… I'm just extremely down and lost because I'm completely alone and I really don't want to end up on the streets and even worse get deported… but at the same time no one can do anything about it and I'm so stressed out I've literally just been trying to reach out to different places back and forth, to no avail so far… A few days ago at least I still have the SN, and now, I don't even have it anymore so when those things hit, I don't even know what to do to escape the pain :(

 

[thelostautistic]

You're not a coward at all I've had mine for about a month and haven't used it yet as I have things to sort out first.