misakimaze
waiting
- Oct 6, 2024
- 16
I was active on here actually a full year ago. I didn't think about this site in months. Not because I got better but I genuinely think i forgot. I ordered what I needed from here and it never came, so i never got to end it all. that's the only reason im still here. it was a sign, maybe? but i dont know because im back. I made IRL friends, i even got a partner. in the span of the same year though, i got kicked out, my money is all gone and now i only have one friend left.
this feels like a cruel punishment. like some froce came back to remind me that nothing will ever work out for me no matter how hard i try to be happy. it sounds so corny lololol. i know people look down on me, its been so constant in my life. i live with my partner right now, and their dads gf told me I'd never make it. i bet their dad feels the same way.
my sister never made me her bridesmaid because i was too "shy". my old middle school friend never comes to see me even though i know she visits our old hometown often. my mom only sees me as a bank account. my dad said id never connect to him because im nothing more than his child. my old friend promised to never leave me but did. my weird online situationship only stuck around because he felt gulity. i know i cant blame why im here on other people but fuck. fuck man. if one thing just fucking changed. if one person could keep their promises or saw me as a human rather than some freak. maybe id be happier god.
this is like the 4th time in my life im getting kicked out. all because people get tired of me or they dont like it when i actually talk. i hate humans so much, i despise talking to people now. i know what everyone is thinking about me everything i even speak or show myself. i just want to hide. i want everyone gone.
i went to a mental hospital and it was so werid because i didnt understand why they wanted me to live. it doesnt make any sense. i know im young and things MIGHT get better but i cant see a happier future. maybe im scared of the unknown but who isn't. the unknown could and can be worse. i dont want to live the rest of my days in some nowhere town where ive never made any real friends stuck officially being alone. to put the cherry on top i got diagnosed with a personality disorder. i cant change. god put it in my brain, put it in my life. I'll always leave good things behind.
when i have to go back, I'll die there. i know the universe wants it. i cant ever defy whats greater than me.
this feels like a cruel punishment. like some froce came back to remind me that nothing will ever work out for me no matter how hard i try to be happy. it sounds so corny lololol. i know people look down on me, its been so constant in my life. i live with my partner right now, and their dads gf told me I'd never make it. i bet their dad feels the same way.
my sister never made me her bridesmaid because i was too "shy". my old middle school friend never comes to see me even though i know she visits our old hometown often. my mom only sees me as a bank account. my dad said id never connect to him because im nothing more than his child. my old friend promised to never leave me but did. my weird online situationship only stuck around because he felt gulity. i know i cant blame why im here on other people but fuck. fuck man. if one thing just fucking changed. if one person could keep their promises or saw me as a human rather than some freak. maybe id be happier god.
this is like the 4th time in my life im getting kicked out. all because people get tired of me or they dont like it when i actually talk. i hate humans so much, i despise talking to people now. i know what everyone is thinking about me everything i even speak or show myself. i just want to hide. i want everyone gone.
i went to a mental hospital and it was so werid because i didnt understand why they wanted me to live. it doesnt make any sense. i know im young and things MIGHT get better but i cant see a happier future. maybe im scared of the unknown but who isn't. the unknown could and can be worse. i dont want to live the rest of my days in some nowhere town where ive never made any real friends stuck officially being alone. to put the cherry on top i got diagnosed with a personality disorder. i cant change. god put it in my brain, put it in my life. I'll always leave good things behind.
when i have to go back, I'll die there. i know the universe wants it. i cant ever defy whats greater than me.
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