i wish i didn't have a will to live

[no_another_hell]

but sadly i do and it's only for a life i can't have

 

[GabrielMen]

Can you elaborate?

 

[no_another_hell]

Can you elaborate?

yeah, sorry im just tired. death is scary to me because i don't actually want to not be alive, i want to live a different life. one in which i have friends, and didn't ruin everything for myself. but now my only option is to kill myself because i can't live like this.

i just want to be someone else (◞‸◟)

 

[dreamgarden]

i understand how you feel. these days, i'm always in my head, picturing myself leading a life with a different identity and circumstances. like you, i feel like the only viable way to deal with these daydreams is to end everything. hopefully, i have the courage to go through with my plans and if you choose to take your own life, that you also will have the resolve to do so.

 

[58Alice85]

I feel like SI was my friend taking care of me in the background when i wanted to live, now i want to die it has become my worst enemy

 

[TheCallOfTheStars]

Yeah. I hate to say it but SI is a part of human nature as much as I also want it to go away. It's the reason why I haven't ctb yet and it's the reason why I'm such a coward.

 

[no_another_hell]

i understand how you feel. these days, i'm always in my head, picturing myself leading a life with a different identity and circumstances. like you, i feel like the only viable way to deal with these daydreams is to end everything. hopefully, i have the courage to go through with my plans and if you choose to take your own life, that you also will have the resolve to do so.

the worst part is talking to/reading about someone living exactly the life i wish i had, sometimes not even just generally speaking, but exactly what i dream about myself. literally just interacting with other people hurts, because all i can ever feel is envy
i hope whatever you decide to do will work out for you too.

 

[dreamgarden]

the worst part is talking to/reading about someone living exactly the life i wish i had, sometimes not even just generally speaking, but exactly what i dream about myself. literally just interacting with other people hurts, because all i can ever feel is envy

yeah, i get that. ever since i've made up my mind about wanting to die, i've been deliberately sabotaging myself so that i have more and more reasons to ctb, but until then, i'm forced to socialize with others and unfortunately can't ignore that inferior feeling either.

i hope whatever you decide to do will work out for you too.

thank you! hopefully, if non-existence isn't the end and there is an afterlife, things will turn out better for us there