I will forever feel sorry to my child self

[MiMif]

She wanted so many things and was so passionate and I've thrown everything away. I know my child self would hate me

 

[plzoffme]

me too friend, me too. I had some many dreams and goals but Bipolar stripped me of them and here I am about to die in less then 20 days :(

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

God, me too. My child self wanted to be a game designer and a bioengineer . And I fucked both of them up

 

[MiMif]

me too friend, me too. I had some many dreams and goals but Bipolar stripped me of them and here I am about to die in less then 20 days :(

I feel the same way however I keep thinking about how much of a loser I would be if I don't at least complete one of my dreams so I'm trying to push through but everyday I keep pondering whether to just die or try.

I'm not trying to discourage you as I recently had a failed attempt myself. But maybe try one more time to achieve the things your young self always wanted...it's hard to push through and I keep failing but maybe ....idk what I'm trying to say. But I hope you find peace

God, me too. My child self wanted to be a game designer and a bioengineer . And I fucked both of them up

It's never too late...you live for yourself no one else. You can still do it

 

[rainatthetraintrack]

same for me
wish i could have another life or turn back the clock

 

[plzoffme]

Its too late for me, I have made terrible choices due to being manic and i just do not have the energy nor the will to dig myself out again. And for what? so the process just
continues? No thanks, I am freeing myself from this body and ill be free.

 

[MiMif]

Its too late for me, I have made terrible choices due to being manic and i just do not have the energy nor the will to dig myself out again. And for what? so the process just
continues? No thanks, I am freeing myself from this body and ill be free.

I feel the same ..honestly even if I completed all my dreams id still be mad if I'm not dead by 30. Life is worth nothing....but I want to be able to say I accomplished at least one thing. I wish I never existed but sadly I do.

I really hope you find peace in whichever way you see fit. But know it truly is never too late...im a hypocrite for saying that but it really isn't, it just takes one step the first step is always the hardest especially with depression.

same for me
wish i could have another life or turn back the clock

So real I really wish I could go back in time...I'm not sure if I would make my past attempts work or if I would finally do the things my kid self said she'd do. I wish I could go back in time and hug her

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Me too. If only my younger self understood that he was born in a coffin. He never had a chance. Poor child. If only he was flattened by a car or something.

 

[MiMif]

Me too. If only my younger self understood that he was born in a coffin. He never had a chance. Poor child. If only he was flattened by a car or something.

Life really would've been better if I died as a child ....

 

[kazatte]

i feel horrible for her. i love her and miss her very much

 

[nool]

I feel the same way. I wasn't even supposed to be born. I was the product of a one-night stand, and then I ended up being a cryptic pregnancy so my mom only knew about me for about a week before I was born. All signs point to me being a mistake, but of course all my bad luck went into creating the perfect situation to be born.

Child me was so naive, so hopeful for a future that was never coming. I'm so sorry I couldn't spare them the pain of living, especially for this long. They still exist deep within me, scared of who we are now, but I will free us soon.

 

[Vorty30]

Out of all the things I read for the past 5 or so years on this site, this... Why? I don't know why, but it hit me. I truly realize it now.
Every time I see like... A kid walking down the street with a smile, I would be hit with the urge to cry and sob, I guess this was the reason all along.
That if my child self ever saw me now, they would be horrified of the monster that is in front of them. That IS them.

I have to admit, time... The number one killer is time. It will get to us all. I am still not sure if I could turn back time, that I would be able to resolve this even then... But at the end of the day, I do have to come into terms with it. I do have to conclude with it. I do have to find my closure.

 

[aria_of_a_dream]

Same for me :(

 

[MiMif]

Out of all the things I read for the past 5 or so years on this site, this... Why? I don't know why, but it hit me. I truly realize it now.
Every time I see like... A kid walking down the street with a smile, I would be hit with the urge to cry and sob, I guess this was the reason all along.
That if my child self ever saw me now, they would be horrified of the monster that is in front of them. That IS them.

I have to admit, time... The number one killer is time. It will get to us all. I am still not sure if I could turn back time, that I would be able to resolve this even then... But at the end of the day, I do have to come into terms with it. I do have to conclude with it. I do have to find my closure.

This is so real....my child self would call me pathetic and cruel and shed be right....she's a whole different person than who I am now. I feel so sorry for her

 

[Vorty30]

This is so real....my child self would call me pathetic and cruel and shed be right....she's a whole different person than who I am now. I feel so sorry for her

I feel sorry for him too. Specially the way everyone would tell me later during my depression what a sweet and happy kid he was... I am truly sorry!
For all of us.

 

[EternalHunger]

I think my child self wouldn't be angry by me, as I never had any dream growing up; all my childhood just been me trying to survive for the next day figuratively and literally as long as I remember and I don't think there was a point in time where I didn't expect to die soon, though I guess that fell through.

He would certainly despair though if he found out even after getting everything I thought would improve my life, I instead spiralled into mental breakdowns, clinical depression and feel utter discontent towards human nature; atleast I'm no longer classified as homeless anymore so that's a plus in his eyes.

 

[brighteyesfan144]

i feel sorry FOR my child self not to him. i think my child self would have shot himself point blank if he ever saw my teenage self but i think he might love the person i'd become, or at least was a year ago. life is so fucking hard and he didn't stand a chance. fuck all those people you grew up around. you didn't deserve that.

 

[Pale_Rider]

She hears everything you day.....

 

[MiMif]

i feel horrible for her. i love her and miss her very much

Not related but I love mafuyu ur pfp is awesome

 

[breathingblues]

I don't think mine would hate me. I did the best in everything I could, and am leaving out of a moral choice itself.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

I feel the same way however I keep thinking about how much of a loser I would be if I don't at least complete one of my dreams so I'm trying to push through but everyday I keep pondering whether to just die or try.

I'm not trying to discourage you as I recently had a failed attempt myself. But maybe try one more time to achieve the things your young self always wanted...it's hard to push through and I keep failing but maybe ....idk what I'm trying to say. But I hope you find peace

It's never too late...you live for yourself no one else. You can still do it

Too much other shit in my life fell apart. Even if I achieved those things (which there is a lot preventing me from being a bioengineer now) I know it wouldn't make me happy anymore. I would just be doing it to do it, if that makes sense. You're right, people live for themselves, but some people don't even want to do that. Myself included

 

[kazatte]

Not related but I love mafuyu ur pfp is awesome

omg thank you so much!! i love mafuyu sm :)

 

[qewpie]

my child self would be horrified that people's bodies could break to the point that mine is in right now. everything hurts and i can't even rest or sleep peacefully

 

[starboy2k]

Meh I do remember saying in elementary school that I wanted to die at 25.

Now Im depressed as all hell, wanting to die, and about to turn 25 in 3 more months…….its like my child self saw this bullshit coming