trying ungracefully
Member
- Jun 11, 2025
- 71
It was okay I am just having a lot of left over anxiety and I want to isolate and not go out again so bad because I'm just overwhelmed. Being in group wasn't too hard, I got through the introductions and how the group works, talked to a therapist, and then went on with my first exposure which was a walk through non busy streets. It was hard but not too bad, it was really overwhelming walking out of the building and being faced with screaming kids from the daycare next door though. Loud noises add to my anxiety and a couple of screaming kids is like tornado alarms going off. I tried to pay attention to nature though and stopped to read a mural description even though it wasn't that interesting.
The biggest embarrassing part was just leaving and saying goodbye at the end of group because I wanted to get out as quick as possible but I wasn't able to get out without being noticed in that small group lol. Also everyone is there for OCD which is an anxiety disorder but it just adds to me feeling like the odd man out, I know no one is judging though that one is truly just a feeling. Then also because I realized the person next to me has contamination OCD I started to think I smelled and that maybe she thought I was disgusting and filled with germs. I
It's hard to think that I need to keep doing this though. This week, until we meet again next Wednesday, I have to practice walking around my neighborhood for 20 minutes at least 5 times. It is doable and I proved today it is doable by only being a 5/10 with my feelings the whole time it is just that the freeze part of my anxiety always gets to me. Sometimes I will get all ready to go out. But then I just freeze with anxiety and think of the possibilities like people judging me or me making a mistake or someone thinking I look weird, someone talking to me is also terrible it has happened before while I was trying exposures by myself. Also I know it is small things but social anxiety is really terrible even if it seems small.
I have to get bigger with my exposures too. I have half on my list of 16 rated 10/10 and I am really scared to get to those 10's. One of them is that I have to travel to a location by myself which involves the bus/train and then going to a maybe unfamiliar place where I have to do more things that lead to anxiety. I can't even walk down a busy street normally it is hard to imagine the future
Things I have to remember:
- group is only 1 hour and 30 minutes long and I spend more time online I can spare some time for therapy
- the exposures are a small portion of my day, I spend longer rotting on tiktok
- my parents are paying money for me to get better I need to try my best
- I need to move out and get a job and this is the step needed for that
- exposures I guess can really work well with anxiety disorders if done right and I need to trust the process and myself
- when I got in the rhythm of going out only before I was okay and my anxiety didn't take over, it can happen again
Hopefully I got this I don't want to be living at my parents house when I'm even older. It's already hard.
The biggest embarrassing part was just leaving and saying goodbye at the end of group because I wanted to get out as quick as possible but I wasn't able to get out without being noticed in that small group lol. Also everyone is there for OCD which is an anxiety disorder but it just adds to me feeling like the odd man out, I know no one is judging though that one is truly just a feeling. Then also because I realized the person next to me has contamination OCD I started to think I smelled and that maybe she thought I was disgusting and filled with germs. I
It's hard to think that I need to keep doing this though. This week, until we meet again next Wednesday, I have to practice walking around my neighborhood for 20 minutes at least 5 times. It is doable and I proved today it is doable by only being a 5/10 with my feelings the whole time it is just that the freeze part of my anxiety always gets to me. Sometimes I will get all ready to go out. But then I just freeze with anxiety and think of the possibilities like people judging me or me making a mistake or someone thinking I look weird, someone talking to me is also terrible it has happened before while I was trying exposures by myself. Also I know it is small things but social anxiety is really terrible even if it seems small.
I have to get bigger with my exposures too. I have half on my list of 16 rated 10/10 and I am really scared to get to those 10's. One of them is that I have to travel to a location by myself which involves the bus/train and then going to a maybe unfamiliar place where I have to do more things that lead to anxiety. I can't even walk down a busy street normally it is hard to imagine the future
Things I have to remember:
- group is only 1 hour and 30 minutes long and I spend more time online I can spare some time for therapy
- the exposures are a small portion of my day, I spend longer rotting on tiktok
- my parents are paying money for me to get better I need to try my best
- I need to move out and get a job and this is the step needed for that
- exposures I guess can really work well with anxiety disorders if done right and I need to trust the process and myself
- when I got in the rhythm of going out only before I was okay and my anxiety didn't take over, it can happen again
Hopefully I got this I don't want to be living at my parents house when I'm even older. It's already hard.
