lainduster
burden
- Apr 10, 2023
- 21
I've been thinking about relapsing a lot lately and have been having strong urges for quite a while. I was worried that when I go home tomorrow to my hometown for the weekend I might give in and relapse. Well today my day was like any other but my emotions were extra strong and very very very bad. It was getting pretty late and I had an awful panic attack and I couldn't hold myself any longer. I would usually wait until I got to my actual home to do anything but today was too much. I set up everything in the bathroom and quite literally as the blade was on my skin I heard the door unlocking and my roommate coming in. I had to quickly put away everything and went out to smoke in the cold in shorts and a tshirt to calm down. I came back after a while and chatted with my roommate for a bit and now I'm just laying in bed wondering what to do. Guess I'm still 348 days clean but I'm really not sure if im going to be able to keep going tomorrow. I might cancel my trip to home tomorrow as a deterrent to my urges but even then I'll still be alone tomorrow in the dorm this time fully so who knows wtf will happen. Sorry for the rambling
