Venting I want to live but I'm afraid of my future

[HollowSoul]

Before knowing about this forum, I was so sure I wanted to ctb, and i really thought if I found the right method for me I would be at ease... But no, It made my anxiety skyrocket like never before, I suppose because for once It become too real of a possibility

You know, Im in a really bad place right now, i cant find a job, im 31 and still living with my parents and everyday that It goes I feel like im living like a zombie but on the other hands, my parents are extremely nice to me, they never lose hope and i have like a very wonderful small group of friends who are too on the same page as me (so i dont feel too much like a loser with them) they're always try to help as much as they can...

So deep down I dont want to ctb, but I feel i will never have a proper job and a proper salary to live my own life and i feel like time is running out for me...its very very hard to be optimistic

Idk just wanted to vent a little :(

 

[timf]

Throughout history those who have had power squeezed as much as they could out of those who had no power. Today TV and movies portray people as having everything they could want and those who don';t have big salaries as losers. It makes most of us feel we are losers.

The US had excelled in agriculture and then manufacturing. However, since the 1980s agriculture has been industrialized and manufacturing has been sent out of the country. As a result most of us are left trying to find ways to survive on the fringe of what corporations have done to us.

Rather than seeing yourself as a loser, I would say that having parents and friends who care about you makes you a winner. The TV fantasy with everyone having all the money to do whatever they want if it was real would be a disaster. In a world where friends and family need each other to survive, one finds the connections that make life rewarding.

 

[Celerity]

I have been there. You need to get a job ASAP. The sooner you reestablish a normal routine and develop relationships outside the home, the better you will feel.

Can you access therapy or treatment of any kind?
What kind of work are you looking for?

 

[seeyoulater26]

You are not running out of time, my friend. And you are not a loser! Don't let society's standards get to you. We all have different timelines in life and you are allowed to move at your own pace.

 

[SomeDude]

Maybe you could try to make your own job? I am in a simillar position as you, I've send hundereds of applications and got nothing, most of the times not even a response :/ since I have a lot of free time I started to try different things. One thing I do is I try to make a game, since that was always a hobby of mine but that takes a while (and I really dont like working on stuff like that alone). Another thing I started to do is selling stuff, at first it was just stuff in the house I didnt need and after that I went outside got some shiny looking rocks, sanded them with a dremel and sand paper, drilled a hole trough them, put a string trough it and sold them on eBay as necklaces. If you have tools like a small table saw you could also make wooden combs from wood you gathered outside. Try to produce small things like that, the materials can be gathered for free or maybe if you need something special for a small price, while you sell the end product with a good profit. At first it can be slow but you will get better at it and get more and more a feeling of accomplishement. (Also the material gathering outside in nature always lifted my mood when I felt down)
For me my next step is to make my own online shop somehow (I havent figured it all out yet but baby-step by baby-step I will get there). People like hand-crafted things and are generally willing to pay a bit more for stuff like this.

I dont know if this helps you, I hope so though. I think its better than to just wait for any company to hire you, may as well try stuff in the meantime. Also you can later on invest the money you've earned to maybe do bigger things. If you're able to sell just one thing, you know that it can work and you basically just have to repeat that and try to improve on that. I promise you, you will get a feel of accomplishement :)

 

[Tiredofbeingtired77]

Before knowing about this forum, I was so sure I wanted to ctb, and i really thought if I found the right method for me I would be at ease... But no, It made my anxiety skyrocket like never before, I suppose because for once It become too real of a possibility

You know, Im in a really bad place right now, i cant find a job, im 31 and still living with my parents and everyday that It goes I feel like im living like a zombie but on the other hands, my parents are extremely nice to me, they never lose hope and i have like a very wonderful small group of friends who are too on the same page as me (so i dont feel too much like a loser with them) they're always try to help as much as they can...

So deep down I dont want to ctb, but I feel i will never have a proper job and a proper salary to live my own life and i feel like time is running out for me...its very very hard to be optimistic

Idk just wanted to vent a little :(

First off, if deep down you don't want to ctb you probably shouldn't. There are people who keep coming back to this, who deep down literally *do* want to ctb and finds ways to cope/distract. If that's not you, and you find joy in your life, this isn't the path for you. I've shot a feature film and a few award winning shorts and I'm back to once again planning how to ctb because I want to stop the pain once and for all. If you're just looking for any work, go to the local management office of allied universal/securitas. If you are even mildly mentally coherent, you will walk out of the office with an offer the same day. If you don't have a job, look into your states welfare healthcare and try to find a therapist through that and see if it helps. No one is the arbiter of this decision except yourself but if this hasn't been something you've struggled with before this you may very well find your way out of it.

 

[hurts2b]

Joblessness is crushing. Hope you find a way to get out of it and a way to live.

 

[elenaboo25]

I have a somewhat similar problem. I am afraid of growing old. Like, extremely. I do not want to experiece the pain and loss of mobility and skills that comes with growing old. I am in my mid 20s now and already have physical problems such as high blood pressure. It may be treatable, but I also don't want to prolong my life by taking meds.