Venting i want to date a guy like me

[sanctionedusage]

i saw a picture of a guy i thought was cute and read a few relatable captions that were sad but made me more attracted to him because it was pretty real. then, opened the comments and realized it's an edit of a fucking mass shooter.

the content/the backstories in all of these are never impressive either. it's always 'oh im alone, anxious, alienated, suicidal, abused, awkward, a little bit sexist/racist, a virgin, and a NEET,' just like me and millions of others. it's not that crazy or concerning. this is the kind of guy I'd develop a crush on and date because he's relatable to my exact struggles; so what's with the random temper tantrum, ar15 edition? why is it consistently young men as well, dealing with what i classify as moderate first-world problems with the most extreme public freakouts?

i just wanna date a guy who'd match me without feeling like one of those dumb hoes that thinks, "i know him; he wouldn't do that to me."

and if i did date one even for suicidal purposes, post-mortem id just be ridiculed by my family for dating someone like that and lolcowd by incels as another bitch choosing a monster over a niceguy.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

a little bit sexist/racist, a virgin, and a NEET,' just like me and millions of others.

Might wanna rephrase this

 

[martyrdom]

why is it consistently young men as well, dealing with what i classify as moderate first-world problems with the most extreme public freakouts?

Because they, due to their socialization as men, have a sense of entitlement and react vengefully when they're not handed what they believe they are owed by life. I'm a man and it's very obvious to me that we are socialized in a way that creates this kind of entitlement + plus male glorification of violence

 

[sanctionedusage]

Might wanna rephrase this

not to be ultra woke on sasu but everyone has preconceived biases they have to identify and try to manage, whether you wanna admit it or not





and i am a virgin neet

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

not to be ultra woke on sasu but everyone has preconceived biases they have to identify and try to manage, whether you wanna admit it or not





and i am a virgin neet

Yeah, but there's a difference between biases and using slurs like many of those people have. A lot did it when they were young, sure, but whenever people call themselves "a little bit sexist/racist due to bias," it comes off as a bit virtue-signally. Those people were on average a bit more than "slightly" bigoted.

Also, I'm a NEET too.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Yeah, but there's a difference between biases and using slurs like many of those people have. A lot did it when they were young, sure, but whenever people call themselves "a little bit sexist/racist due to bias," it comes off as a bit virtue-signally. Those people were on average a bit more than "slightly" bigoted.

Also, I'm a NEET too.

i feel like its equally sexist to assume most men would pose a threat to me because they're male as it would be racist to assume an asian wouldn't compared to another race— both based on statistics and not derogatory, but still biases. racism and sexism ARE bias, not 'due to bias.' if you want to nitpick and say "its only an -ism if you discriminate," i mean.. i can't imagine how thinking something sexist/racist isn't discrimination or a discriminatory thought. pretty funny to think of calling myself sexist/racist as virtue signaling just because i'm not calling people slurs or flaunting my shittier opinions to prove it on an irrelevant post.

you're still proving the entire point of my post— someone making an edgy comment like I just did in the original post can mean something as minimal as someone with just 'biases' they're aware of, or someone who'd actually target poc's in a shooting. the whole point of what i wrote is that it's annoying to not be able to tell the extent of how someone deals with the exact same thought/feeling, largely because of their gender and social conditioning.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Dinorun]

first thing sorry im an ESL

That post made me a bit sad. Its one of those loud minority situations.
yeah i (admittedly ashamedly) fall for most of those tags like - (alone, anxious, alienated, suicidal, abused, awkward, a virgin, although id never label myself as such).

we just live our life quietly, doing our thing going literally unnoticed. invisible.
like you said yourself there's millions like us, it can be the guy on the bus looking from the window.
the guy running outside, the one sitting on a bench pondering, those who lark in those forums.

I and im sure most people my situation do not hold any feelings of hate or resentment towards anyone i understand that if i was someone more adjusted I probably wouldnt really interact with myself either. i still try. try to communicate, volunteer, go outside.

its saddens me to see that when ever a group of people similar to me are talked about
they are always orchestrated and grouped with the most despicable kinds like the "hateful incels" or "mass shooters" which are such a zero precentile of the people, like cman.
the 99.999% of people who just live their life.

you wrote -
so what's with the random temper tantrum, ar15 edition? why is it consistently young men as well, dealing with what i classify as moderate first-world problems with the most extreme public freakouts?

its like going to a racial group of hard working people and asking why 0.01% are involved in crime or why 0.01% of you commit suicide


i dont know why im even writing this, i think i had enough internet for today

 

[Dejected 55]

For any group of people, they are typically identified and labeled by the behaviors of the minority of that group. That's how people seem to be wired. Stereotypes exist for a reason. Not because all people are stereotypical OR because those who are label themselves... but because most everyone else likes to describe people by the lowest common denominator.

XXX people are lazy... YYY people are good at math... ZZZ people are more apt to assault you... I could go on and on, and with specific examples... but then I'd be labeled into a group of people too. I have been... multiple times... on this forum even. You step just a little bit outside the neat lines into nuance territory and along will come the people who feel compelled to label you as the worst thing they can imagine.

Most people seem to be wired to make these connections. It doesn't matter that the literal worst of humanity is always a minority of the larger group... we only tend to notice the worst, loudest ones and then just assume everyone else is like them.

People will say "but you don't know so it's good to be careful just in case". except they do not apply that to all situations. A bad apple can spoil the bunch, but have people stopped eating apples because they don't know if halfway down the barrel there might be a bad apple that is already spoiling things? Nope. They eat apples until they find a bad one... then chuck it... then carefully check all the ones around the bad one before going back to eating apples again.

But with people... we tend to want to just cut off entire genders or races if we ever have one or two bad experiences... or maybe we've known other people who also have had bad experiences, so that feeds the fire and we just decide all such people are "that way" and treat them all as if they personally harmed us already.

It's really kind of fucked up... and, oh by the way, many of us are here because we feel disconnected and discarded and that no one listens or understands us... because, you know, they have lumped us into the "crazies" group and treat us all as if we were the same... but then within our little group where you think you have like-minded people who know what its like to be marginalized... what happens? Cliques form here too and you will be judged here too.

People are wired to do this shit... and it helps no one. It also discourages open communication and seeking help when you are afraid you will say a "wrong" word and be forever thrown into one of the bad groups of people and ignored and pre-judged because of it.

 

[sanctionedusage]

its saddens me to see that when ever a group of people similar to me are talked about
they are always orchestrated and grouped with the most despicable kinds like the "hateful incels" or "mass shooters" which are such a zero precentile of the people, like cman.
the 99.999% of people who just live their life.

the point of the post is that it's impossible to tell if a male is on my level socially AND non-homicidal/normal, because of the minority of psychos within the population. that's literally what i'm venting about. not all incels/unwell men are like this, but every time it happens, it's an incel/unwell man. so you need to understand i'm going to feel fucking retarded going for a guy who's similar to me, who would fit these labels, and ignore the obvious risk. the stereotype exists for a reason.

you wrote -
so what's with the random temper tantrum, ar15 edition? why is it consistently young men as well, dealing with what i classify as moderate first-world problems with the most extreme public freakouts?

its like going to a racial group of hard working people and asking why 0.01% are involved in crime or why 0.01% of you commit suicide

no, it's like going to a crime statistic and asking why 49.9% are one race or 98% from one gender. that's exactly what i asked. there's a difference between "why do men do this" and "why is everyone who does this a man?" you're completely missing the point and it's kinda obvious you took this as a personal attack. if 10% of a population commit 99% of crime, it is glaringly accurate to then classify that population as predisposed and risky for whatever reason. if anything, you're just proving how insane that proportion is. 0.1% of unwell young men are responsible for almost 100% of mass shootings? wow, small odds, devastatingly high stakes. almost like that's why im annoyed about this situation in the first place.

Most people seem to be wired to make these connections. It doesn't matter that the literal worst of humanity is always a minority of the larger group... we only tend to notice the worst, loudest ones and then just assume everyone else is like them.

feel like people are completely missing the heart of the post. i know that non-homicidal but anxious, awkward, etc. men exist. i'm upset because it is impossible to tell them apart from their "minority," that just so happens to make up the extreme MAJORITY of basically domestic terrorism. there is nuance in every social group in existence. but the biggest likely risk you're honestly taking dating a sad woman is going to be walking in on her suicide, and the biggest likely risk you're taking dating a suicidal man with the exact same symptoms are the aforementioned external crimes.

But with people... we tend to want to just cut off entire genders or races if we ever have one or two bad experiences...

one or two bad experiences? lol wtf im talking about national stats

 

[Dejected 55]

Yeah, but how you read those stats matters. Consider the following:

1. What percentage of rapists are men?

Seems like about 90% of rapists on average are men.

2. What percentage of men are rapists?

The highest number I found seemed to indicate maybe 10% of men are rapists.

Do you see the difference?

Basically, the statistics when taken together say that a vast minority of men are committing almost all of the rapes... So, while you have a low chance on average of being raped, IF you are raped it is probably going to be by a man.

So what do you do with those statistics? You could avoid men altogether... but is that overkill? Honestly, if you were a victim of rape previously OR know a close friend or family member who was raped, then I absolutely get why you'd be more concerned about it than someone who had neither of those experiences.

But deciding that any many you meet could be a rapist, therefore avoid all men for any reason at all, seems like the epitome of cutting off your nose to spite your face. I sincerely wish we had better statistics that tried to dig further into why some men are prone to rape and how you might identify a rapist better from other men who are not going to do it. But, as humans while we tend to look to group things we also tend to go for the laziest groupings and stop there.

To your more general idea, though... sure if you take any particular violent crime almost overwhelmingly men tend to be guilty of committing those crimes. But, fortunately, we live in a world where the vast majority of people are not criminals committing crimes. So it really doesn't help to decide all of any particular group is horrible because the most likely horrible ones are in that group.

Women, for example, are way more likely than men to use something like poison to kill. So, when your killer is a woman, she most likely poisons you rather than some other more obvious method that you'd see coming. Thus, one might conclude that you should never eat or drink anything any woman ever gives you because it could be poison.

Of course, the water gets muddied a bit because men are more likely to rape and more likely to roofie you before the rape... so, basically never eat or drink anything anyone male or female gives you... which means, never eat at a restaurant, and basically grow your own food and never eat anything you didn't completely farm and prepare yourself.

I'm not trying to minimize your real concerns... and how it's hard to find someone you think you'd like because what you think you want in a partner has many shared traits with the horrible men... but society could actually help you out more if we had more studies designed to try and identify what makes that minority of men in the world do the horrible things they do as opposed to other men who might at first glance seem similar to them in many ways but are not dangerous. Such studies might help someone like you be able to tell the difference better and weed out the bad guys from the ones who still have the traits you find desirable but aren't dangerous.

 

[sanctionedusage]

Yeah, but how you read those stats matters. Consider the following:

1. What percentage of rapists are men?

Seems like about 90% of rapists on average are men.

2. What percentage of men are rapists?

The highest number I found seemed to indicate maybe 10% of men are rapists.

Do you see the difference?

I feel like I've said this nothing short of 3 or 4 times. This discrepancy is the exact reason why I'm venting at all instead of just not being interested in men, period. I acknowledge that nonviolent men exist, and am frustrated that it's impossible to tell the difference between nonviolent unwell men and violent unwell men. Reread my original post. The reason the difference between them even matters is because of the stats. To be extremely clear, I'm angry that good but troubled men are difficult to find and trust because of the very real statistics suggesting that if there IS a rapist or killer in your life, it is going to be a man, and it's going to be a man with certain symptoms/signs— signs that exist in many women, but don't present in these degenerate ways. I'll copy what I said before to someone else, 'there's a difference between "why do men do this" and "why is everyone who does this a man?"'

Your point is literally just "well most men don't do it." But whenever it happens, it's by a man. I can't emphasize this enough. No one ever thinks it's going to be them, or their partner, or their family. Until it is. And you're left with nothing but shame and ridicule for not following the blatantly obvious information.

Women, for example, are way more likely than men to use something like poison to kill. So, when your killer is a woman, she most likely poisons you rather than some other more obvious method that you'd see coming. Thus, one might conclude that you should never eat or drink anything any woman ever gives you because it could be poison.

I see you're basically trying to say the risk between men and women is equal. Complete copelogic, but I'll entertain it for a moment. The difference is the number of female poisonings that actually happen in the real world compared to the amount of murders and rapes/sexual assaults. You are overall significantly less likely to be killed by a woman in ANY way; i.e. you are far more likely to be brutally assaulted by a man than you would be to be poisoned by a woman. Hell, even a man you don't even know, compared to a woman with a compelling motive. It's almost like there's a trend where women tend to self inflict their harm while men externalize it with no qualms. Could it be? There's a real difference between the genders? Women are responsible for one of the rarest and smallest number of crimes? Wow, they really are the same as the gender responsible for the most depraved and **prevalent** crimes in all societies!

try and identify what makes that minority of men in the world do the horrible things they do as opposed to other men who might at first glance seem similar to them in many ways but are not dangerous.

It's socialization combined with (mildly) biology.

Such studies might help someone like you be able to tell the difference better and weed out the bad guys from the ones who still have the traits you find desirable but aren't dangerous.

It's socialization and biology, both are inherent, and assessing their effect on a guy would take significant psychoanalysis with the assumption I'm not dealing with someone smarter than me that can simply mask or act. AND, impossible, if I'm inherently biased towards liking him anyway and want a certain reality to be true. The fact that I even have to do this, and that you suggest the need for it, is just proving the point of this whole post you belittled to "stereotypes r bad, sanctioned."

 

[leloyon]

i saw a picture of a guy i thought was cute and read a few relatable captions that were sad but made me more attracted to him because it was pretty real. then, opened the comments and realized it's an edit of a fucking mass shooter.

...which one?

the content/the backstories in all of these are never impressive either. it's always 'oh im alone, anxious, alienated, suicidal, abused, awkward, a little bit sexist/racist, a virgin, and a NEET,' just like me and millions of others. it's not that crazy or concerning. this is the kind of guy I'd develop a crush on and date because he's relatable to my exact struggles; so what's with the random temper tantrum, ar15 edition? why is it consistently young men as well, dealing with what i classify as moderate first-world problems with the most extreme public freakouts?

bc picrel

see also: atomwaffen, O9A, 764 etc.

mass shooters are becoming less and less "guy commits act of violence for his own personal reasons" and more "yeah theres entire organised communities online dedicated to turning otherwise just kinda socially maladjusted people (usually minors) into the most depraved criminals possible and this is the nth guy directly linked to them who has went and done the schoolyard shootdown"

the guy who got the ball rolling with all of this was and is an active FBI informant btw

 

[sanctionedusage]

...which one?

no comment

 

[leloyon]

no comment

duly noted, by your lack of comment it was obviously the chudjak guy

 

[sanctionedusage]

duly noted, by your lack of comment it was obviously the chudjak guy
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