I think I have hope now

[museumofthunder]

I've been posting on this account for a while now. I had a full plan to end my life in April of 2023. I was in the middle of undergrad and a slew of illnesses. I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive household and I couldn't see a way out. Honestly, I had no hope of things getting better. I thought I would never escape.

I ended up not going through with my plan. Instead, I turned in my homework that night half-finished and went to sleep. I graduated a year later in 2024 with honors. It wasn't all perfect. I had to work a crappy retail job for a bit. I got rejected from graduate school. I struggled to pay my rent. Nonetheless, I persisted.

In 2025, my then-boyfriend proposed-- I said yes. All we had was a ring from Etsy and a Pokemon card saying "will you marry me?" And that was all we needed. Later on, I ended up finding a new job with a small but stable salary. I ended up discovering a passion in that career field, one that helps me wake up everyday. I wished for a cat for my 24th birthday, and we ended up adopting one together. She's the joy of my life.

Now, we've made plans to get married in 3 weeks. I am beyond happy. I can't help but reflect on all this while I crochet my wedding bouquet. It's not always perfect or easy but it's so much better. For the first time in my life, I have hope. It's beautiful. It's going to be a spring themed wedding. My bouquet has every color of the rainbow. For me, this day is a celebration of love-- and life. I am so happy I stayed alive for this. I am so happy. I don't know what the future holds. My depression may always be lingering somewhere; it does scare me. But my joy in this moment outweighs the fear. I can't wait to see what my life is going to look like.

 

[U. A.]

Congrats, glad you got there. More people need to see posts like this; a lot of users' death drive is driven by changeable circumstances, though a little luck helps too.
Wishing you the best of it.

 

[violetforever]

im so happy for u :')

 

[museumofthunder]

Congrats, glad you got there. More people need to see posts like this; a lot of users' death drive is driven by changeable circumstances, though a little luck helps too.
Wishing you the best of it.

Yes! I think everyone has a right to their own autonomy but everyone's also got a right to second chances. I did end up going on meds during the worst of it which helped bring me up just enough to try. And that led to a cascade of better times ahead. A little luck, meds, and god knows what else, lol. Thank you!!

 

[gunmetalblue]

This is lovely to read, I wish you all the best. And even more good surprises and moments of happiness to come.

 

[webb&flow]

I've been posting on this account for a while now. I had a full plan to end my life in April of 2023. I was in the middle of undergrad and a slew of illnesses. I was in an emotionally/verbally abusive household and I couldn't see a way out. Honestly, I had no hope of things getting better. I thought I would never escape.

That kind of environment itself is a kind of illness—and now, you are cured of it ♥. With change of place comes change of mind, with change of state comes change of feel. May there be love and comfort for you, even when there is no hope, and may be there be hope, even when love and comfort feel distant; we always want both, but may one of these always be; and even in the absence of both, you can always wonder, "if it would be better", and may that curiosity inspire you, too.

I ended up not going through with my plan. Instead, I turned in my homework that night half-finished and went to sleep. I graduated a year later in 2024 with honors. It wasn't all perfect. I had to work a crappy retail job for a bit. I got rejected from graduate school. I struggled to pay my rent. Nonetheless, I persisted.

I am glad you stood through this; it may not be all perfect, but there is a sincere kind of beauty of things being able to come through, through all this: I'm glad all these little successes and survivals through rough failures touched you: it may not be perfect, but it is real, and there is such humanity and such life in it .

In 2025, my then-boyfriend proposed-- I said yes. All we had was a ring from Etsy and a Pokemon card saying "will you marry me?" And that was all we needed. Later on, I ended up finding a new job with a small but stable salary. I ended up discovering a passion in that career field, one that helps me wake up everyday. I wished for a cat for my 24th birthday, and we ended up adopting one together. She's the joy of my life.

Now, we've made plans to get married in 3 weeks. I am beyond happy. I can't help but reflect on all this while I crochet my wedding bouquet. It's not always perfect or easy but it's so much better. For the first time in my life, I have hope. It's beautiful. It's going to be a spring themed wedding. My bouquet has every color of the rainbow. For me, this day is a celebration of love-- and life. I am so happy I stayed alive for this. I am so happy. I don't know what the future holds. My depression may always be lingering somewhere; it does scare me. But my joy in this moment outweighs the fear. I can't wait to see what my life is going to look like.

It may linger and may even come out again, but all of the beauty and support in your life will be there this time, and there will be so much more to accompany that depression than there was before.

Your proposal experience is remarkably beautiful and truly elucidates the nature of love and life: at times even humble things can be gifts incensed with such a divinity. It was all you needed. May you and your love and your cat, and your wedding experience to come too, all be beautiful things that continue to overpour light and truly add more and more loves to your life and now lives: And whenever shade comes up again, always know the sun too waits for you after night is slept through and dawn breaks, every single time.

And I seem to have such strength in me now, that I think I could stand anything, any suffering, only to be able to say and to repeat to myself in every moment "I exist." In thousands of agonies—I exist. I'm tormented on the rack—but I exist! Though I sit alone on a post—I exist! I see the sun, and if I don't see the sun, I know it's there. And there's a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.

—The Brothers Karazmov

When you think you have hope, in reality, you do. And whenever you think you may have none left, one may still end up discovering it despite. Always continue to be curious and to ponder the things that are, and the things that one may like to be.

These are very beautiful stories and truly remarkable anecdotes indeed, but I nor you know not what more breathtaking memories have yet to fall upon you, and may such light, curiosity, and notability, always make you wonder, what good has come and what curiosity may have yet to be. Continue to look, both into the unknown, and into the beauty of things which we are now able to see aspects of, amongst curiosity. There is love and beauty even when we know not of it, even when we cannot feel it, for beauty and awe feel beyond us, and so we may come into them yet again, even when we feel we do not know. Continue to look, ponder, and sometimes, just stand in awe: take the beauty in your story as reality, for it is.

And happy wedding to come. A beautiful occasion of commencement for all your truly lovely true love to come .