Venting i need to die because i’m an awful person

[coolgal82]

i'm the worst, i just like worm my way into peoples lives and either annoy/use them till they leave or forget about me or i like put them in a position where they'll feel bad if they leave so they're kinda forced to stick around despite how awful i am to them (and everyone tbh, all i care about is myself i just use others constantly and never consider their feelings or try and think of stuff from their point of view, and i never care about the damage anything will cause them but more on how it could like come back to effect me), and like the one person i actually care about and aant to help theres nothing i can do to actually help him because i'm worthless. all i do is go around using people for validation or for my own gain in some way so i have no idea how to help and i don't wanna like overstep my bounds or do anything too wrong incase he leaves so i guess i will just let him like be sad and destroy himself all because i'm too selfish to try doing anything because i care more about my connection with him than him himself.

he even said earlier that part of his brain thinks he should leave cus i'm weird and unfair or whatever (his exact words) and idk part of me would kmsmif he did, part pf me thinks he should cus i deserve it, and part of me like knows hes right but i just sit around telling myself i can't change instead of making any actual effort to change. i wish i wasnt such a coward so i could just die already.

 

[lakefish]

you are not awful person, those are character flaws u need to work on, everybody has some

 

[coolgal82]

you are not awful person, those are character flaws u need to work on, everybody has some

the only way yp work on ot is to die tbh i dont see it being possible any other way cus like idk, it feels too hard plus being this way benefits me sometimes so convincing myself to do anything other than wallow in self pity about it is hard

 

[Jello Biafra]

Your mistakes absolutely do not define who you are as a person. What matters is that you learn from those mistakes.

And it doesn't happen overnight all at once.

All that's required of you is to make an effort to not repeat them. It does require effort though. I'm not saying it's easy, but it is possible, depending on how willing you are.

 

[lakefish]

the only way yp work on ot is to die tbh i dont see it being possible any other way cus like idk, it feels too hard plus being this way benefits me sometimes so convincing myself to do anything other than wallow in self pity about it is hard

no, there is plenty way top stop beeing clingy or selfish, or at least to tone it down

 

[itsgone2]

Same. I'm really pissed i didn't buy a gun yesterday. I need to take some action here. Or God could do us a favor and just end things

 

[coolgal82]

no, there is plenty way top stop beeing clingy or selfish, or at least to tone it down

literally how, especially when half of my brain actively wants to keep being like this

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Same feeling. I lost most of my friends for a reason. I'm always saying unhinged shit. The crazy ideas help me cope with my failure and tell me I'm in on some big secret.

 

[likeblueberries]

i'm the worst, i just like worm my way into peoples lives and either annoy/use them till they leave or forget about me or i like put them in a position where they'll feel bad if they leave so they're kinda forced to stick around despite how awful i am to them (and everyone tbh, all i care about is myself i just use others constantly and never consider their feelings or try and think of stuff from their point of view, and i never care about the damage anything will cause them but more on how it could like come back to effect me), and like the one person i actually care about and aant to help theres nothing i can do to actually help him because i'm worthless. all i do is go around using people for validation or for my own gain in some way so i have no idea how to help and i don't wanna like overstep my bounds or do anything too wrong incase he leaves so i guess i will just let him like be sad and destroy himself all because i'm too selfish to try doing anything because i care more about my connection with him than him himself.

he even said earlier that part of his brain thinks he should leave cus i'm weird and unfair or whatever (his exact words) and idk part of me would kmsmif he did, part pf me thinks he should cus i deserve it, and part of me like knows hes right but i just sit around telling myself i can't change instead of making any actual effort to change. i wish i wasnt such a coward so i could just die already.

most people are not good people.
most people are incapable of truly recognizing their own flaws and feeling guilty over them.
Nothing you said is unjustifiable or unsalvageable, you can clearly be a better person, idk how but it is possible. At some point it's too late to change but if you seriously don't want to keep hurting this person then being better could undo all the previous damage, I believe.