Can't encourage you to go kill yourself. You need to take stock of what your life is, if there's anything you can, or want, to do to try and fix it, what your options are, who you may affect by ctb, whether it matters to you, and go from there. It's a personal decision only you can make, and it shouldn't be any other way. You don't want, or need, a "cheerleader" section to help you with such a momentous decision. It must be yours alone.