Venting i miss my groomer

[doloris988]

even as i type the title out i already feel sick to my stomach but i literally cant help it and i wanna cry i hate being so attached to someone who fucked up my brain as a kid and messed me up for so long i feel so dependent on the fact that she was using me and i hate feeling like i need to be used again by her i wish i just never met her

im so painfully conflicted because i cut all contact and blocked her on everything and deleted every social i ever had conversations with her on and now all i have is memories of her to haunt me and it makes me sick because i can't even remember the bad shit she put me through just the times where i actually felt okay,,, it's backfiring so bad on me i feel like it's eating me from the inside out i feel so gross for missing her for loving her

 

[marksofdespair]

aw im sorry :/ stockholm syndrome is very real and hard to overcome. i think when we are mentally ill for some reason we get addicted to the pain others bring upon us and whatnot. bless your heart :(

 

[cyanidekitty]

im sorry you're having these thoughts & feelings. ik u may not be looking for advice & although ive never been in said situation i think it'd be better to leave her blocked so that u dont end up feeling disgusting or even worse because you are not disgusting whatsoever.
im sorry she did that to you & what she did to you doesnt define who you are at all.
i also hope you will be able to meet someone who is 200x better than her that will love you & that you will feel safe with

 

[Cyc]

I'm so sorry you're going through this :( you've made the right situation though. It's always best to cut off abusive people no matter how it hurts

It's also understandable why you're still attached, you were quite emotionally dependant on her from what it seems. you're not disgusting at all for feeling this way

 

[dewasrite]

Idk if it helps, but that feeling is totally normal. I know the feeling you are talking about and it does go away. Unfortunately, it takes time. That's the garbage bit. When you are actually living in that feeling it seems like it will never change but then after some time, it will go away and you may not even realize it until you look back again.

 

[anabelpuppy]

It's weird, it's like you're just trying to attach yourself to any sort of affection, no matter how twisted it really is, even if it's totally wrong. I feel you, as someone who was groomed by people twice my age when i was 14 at the gym i went to, it's definitely contributed to the way i see my life now, it's tiring

 

[Lost.Empyrean]

happens