Venting I lost my job and now I'm absolutely worthless

[stolenvalor666]

I just lost my job due to calling out to much because of my depression. They took me off the schedule completely and now I'm unable to take care of myself. Luckily I still live with my parents but they expect me to pay 300$ a month. The job market is absolute ass and I've been searching for another job WHILE I had that one and NOTHING. Im a burden to my family. They now have to pay for everything. I fucked up.I managed to get myself fired because I wanted to be stupid and depressed and not go into work. Im burdening them with my existence because if this keeps up then ill forever rely on them.This is it for me. They're gonna be mad when they find out because now im worth nothing. Ill be better off dead. First I fucked up college now im in over 40k in debt with NO DEGREE. Now im fucked because I dont have a fucking job because I call myself depressed for no reason I accomplished NOTHING in my life. Im worthless NOTHING. Every opportunity I have to better myself, I ruin it because of my "mental health". I ruin it because im "depressed". What's the fucking point of living if every single good thing that happens goes away because of me?They already told me indirectly that they see me as a failure. I AM A FAILURE. Ive done nothing with myself and will continue getting lectured by them because I cant do absolutely SHIT. Im truly worthless. They're tired of me and my shit. They're TIRED. They want me to die.Everyone wants me to die. If I cant work to become independent, im worthless. I can't keep doing this. I cant. Im tired. Im so tired. I dont want fo fight anymore. I dont to keep this cycle going.

 

[chudcell]

I just lost my job due to calling out to much because of my depression. They took me off the schedule completely and now I'm unable to take care of myself. Luckily I still live with my parents but they expect me to pay 300$ a month. The job market is absolute ass and I've been searching for another job WHILE I had that one and NOTHING. Im a burden to my family. They now have to pay for everything. I fucked up.I managed to get myself fired because I wanted to be stupid and depressed and not go into work. Im burdening them with my existence because if this keeps up then ill forever rely on them.This is it for me. They're gonna be mad when they find out because now im worth nothing. Ill be better off dead. First I fucked up college now im in over 40k in debt with NO DEGREE. Now im fucked because I dont have a fucking job because I call myself depressed for no reason I accomplished NOTHING in my life. Im worthless NOTHING. Every opportunity I have to better myself, I ruin it because of my "mental health". I ruin it because im "depressed". What's the fucking point of living if every single good thing that happens goes away because of me?They already told me indirectly that they see me as a failure. I AM A FAILURE. Ive done nothing with myself and will continue getting lectured by them because I cant do absolutely SHIT. Im truly worthless. They're tired of me and my shit. They're TIRED. They want me to die.Everyone wants me to die. If I cant work to become independent, im worthless. I can't keep doing this. I cant. Im tired. Im so tired. I dont want fo fight anymore. I dont to keep this cycle going.

Im so sorry you're going through this genuinely. Best wishes for you

 

[stolenvalor666]

Im actually gonna kill myself. Im tired of battling my brain and ruining everything due to my stupid depression. Fuck it....im tired.

 

[BradGuy123]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've lost jobs before myself. I'm concerned about long term stability in the job and industry I'm in now. It sucks. I know me saying this doesn't help your situation any but me and a lot of people have been through the exact same thing. I know the job market is bad right now. I've heard that from a lot of people. I hope you're able to find another job soon.

I know we respect choices on here. I hope I'm not crossing a line here. In your post you said this happened very recently. I would say maybe give it some time to let the rawness of this loss pass. When I lost my first job that I loved so much I was devastated and in despair at first but it gradually got better.

 

[starrypandabear]

I just lost my job due to calling out to much because of my depression. They took me off the schedule completely and now I'm unable to take care of myself. Luckily I still live with my parents but they expect me to pay 300$ a month. The job market is absolute ass and I've been searching for another job WHILE I had that one and NOTHING. Im a burden to my family. They now have to pay for everything. I fucked up.I managed to get myself fired because I wanted to be stupid and depressed and not go into work. Im burdening them with my existence because if this keeps up then ill forever rely on them.This is it for me. They're gonna be mad when they find out because now im worth nothing. Ill be better off dead. First I fucked up college now im in over 40k in debt with NO DEGREE. Now im fucked because I dont have a fucking job because I call myself depressed for no reason I accomplished NOTHING in my life. Im worthless NOTHING. Every opportunity I have to better myself, I ruin it because of my "mental health". I ruin it because im "depressed". What's the fucking point of living if every single good thing that happens goes away because of me?They already told me indirectly that they see me as a failure. I AM A FAILURE. Ive done nothing with myself and will continue getting lectured by them because I cant do absolutely SHIT. Im truly worthless. They're tired of me and my shit. They're TIRED. They want me to die.Everyone wants me to die. If I cant work to become independent, im worthless. I can't keep doing this. I cant. Im tired. Im so tired. I dont want fo fight anymore. I dont to keep this cycle going.

I'm so sorry it feels impossible to win with how the world is right now. You have to pay to be depressed but also no one wants you to be depressed as soon as it causes problems. It's like a viscous cycle. Especially with college debt, I am racking up tons without being able to go to class bc I am depressed so it feels so pointless It feels so hopeless, I am sorry this world is genuinely so fucked, and we all are too, just some people don't realize it.

 

[stolenvalor666]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've lost jobs before myself. I'm concerned about long term stability in the job and industry I'm in now. It sucks. I know me saying this doesn't help your situation any but me and a lot of people have been through the exact same thing. I know the job market is bad right now. I've heard that from a lot of people. I hope you're able to find another job soon.

I know we respect choices on here. I hope I'm not crossing a line here. In your post you said this happened very recently. I would say maybe give it some time to let the rawness of this loss pass. When I lost my first job that I loved so much I was devastated and in despair at first but it gradually got better.

Its not about the job loss in of itself. Its the fact that im CONSTANTLY fucking shit up for myself. Like I said...I fucked up college. I fucked up everything!! Im in debt with no degree. I have to pay back the debt. It took 2 years to find the shit job I used to have. Im just tired of having to battle my stupid brain. Im tired of ruining everything for myself.

 

[witchcraft]

I'm in debt with a degree I wish that I never got.


This is, in no way, zero, meant to say I am better off / worse off than you.

Just a fact. Simply sharing.

I am sorry you're going through this. I can't find a job either, because I'm searching outside my narrow little career. And the irony is that when I find a job, it'd contribute to my suicidal thoughts.

Because I hate the concept of what working ACTUALLY means in this life, this society, this culture.

Kill me in my sleep please. Kill me in my sleep. Kill me, in my sleep. Please.

 

[stolenvalor666]

I'm in debt with a degree I wish that I never got.


This is, in no way, zero, meant to say I am better off / worse off than you.

Just a fact. Simply sharing.

I am sorry you're going through this. I can't find a job either, because I'm searching outside my narrow little career. And the irony is that when I find a job, it'd contribute to my suicidal thoughts.

Because I hate the concept of what working ACTUALLY means in this life, this society, this culture.

EXACTLYYYYY. Its terrible. I hate the fact that we have to work to live. I dont want to keep doing this bullshit.

 

[lpdsvm]

It sucks. I can only say getting fired will happen to me too. Just waiting. Maybe in 4 months I will CTB or a year. I am not sure.

 

[TAW122]

Sorry to hear that and I've been jobless throughout various periods of my adult life, never held any job longer than maybe 2.5 years or so continuously before either leaving due to things getting to shitty (voluntary resignation) or being let go due to a meltdown (actually happened several years ago). While I currently have a job, it still sucks with the existential dread, but now I am simply biding my time until the day I (attempt to) CTB.

 

[SASU-KE]

I'm very sorry for your situation, OP. I feel this is going to hit a lot of people in the coming months and years. I work in the tech industry myself. And I'm looking at the growing number of people losing their jobs. It's quite concerning.

 

[itsgone2]

EXACTLYYYYY. Its terrible. I hate the fact that we have to work to live. I dont want to keep doing this bullshit.

Exactly. And we're supposed to do it with these corrupted brains. I know how you feel. It's not possible anymore. I want out. Why can't there be an easy way???

 

[Endisclose]

I just lost my job due to calling out to much because of my depression. They took me off the schedule completely and now I'm unable to take care of myself. Luckily I still live with my parents but they expect me to pay 300$ a month. The job market is absolute ass and I've been searching for another job WHILE I had that one and NOTHING. Im a burden to my family. They now have to pay for everything. I fucked up.I managed to get myself fired because I wanted to be stupid and depressed and not go into work. Im burdening them with my existence because if this keeps up then ill forever rely on them.This is it for me. They're gonna be mad when they find out because now im worth nothing. Ill be better off dead. First I fucked up college now im in over 40k in debt with NO DEGREE. Now im fucked because I dont have a fucking job because I call myself depressed for no reason I accomplished NOTHING in my life. Im worthless NOTHING. Every opportunity I have to better myself, I ruin it because of my "mental health". I ruin it because im "depressed". What's the fucking point of living if every single good thing that happens goes away because of me?They already told me indirectly that they see me as a failure. I AM A FAILURE. Ive done nothing with myself and will continue getting lectured by them because I cant do absolutely SHIT. Im truly worthless. They're tired of me and my shit. They're TIRED. They want me to die.Everyone wants me to die. If I cant work to become independent, im worthless. I can't keep doing this. I cant. Im tired. Im so tired. I dont want fo fight anymore. I dont to keep this cycle going.

Generally people who are neurodiverse, have poor mental health, have altered brain chemistry that is associated with certain cognitive deficits (in processing speed, short term memory, thinking patterns, behaviour, emotional dysregulation etc..) - it just comes with the territory.

It's incredibly difficult for people like us to work competently in normal jobs meant for neurotypical people like in STEM for instance, in roles that require communication..The more one has poor mental health, the greater the hit in executive functioning and functionality in professional, personal, social spheres..It is JUST the WAY it is. One just has no other way but to accept it.

If there's something you can train yourself/think of doing freelance, independently like maybe translation or medical transcription, something similar, work from home, that would be the best option. But whatever it is, it's always an uphill battle for the likes of us.

I have bipolar+borderline and I can't tell you how debilitating it is. I cant get up before 11 or 11:30 am and my functionality across all spheres has come to an absolute standstill.

The way I see it - if someone doesn't have legs, well they can't participate in a high jump competition even if the whole world expects/wants you to. Please don't be hard on yourself. I completely understand and sympathise with what you are going through. I'd just like to say that there is a very valid reason for you not being able to measure up to the standards that have been set for you by society/the world and it is not your fault that you are in this position. Hope this helps.

 

[stolenvalor666]

Thank you, this helps a lot actually. I just don't know what to do now. My parents want me to function like a normal person and that isnt possible. They think that im "failing" for fun. But im not. Im trying...but nothing is working. Im on antidepressants but theyre not working. The first month was great, I had so much energy. But now I cant really get out of bed. I don't know. I feel so stuck.