NSFW I just want to fuck normally

[networkAutomata]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

 

[android]

This may not be helpful but it may be food for thought. Is it possible to be with someone or interaction with another human being in a way that is not hurting them?

After all, by talking to someone, you are taking minutes of their finite life away. Is that not the very definition of harm?

 

[OzymandiAsh]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

Are you a dude or dudette? o.O

 

[networkAutomata]

Are you a dude or dudette? o.O

Dude. I'm gay

 

[toskita]

I'm a very lucky person to have a partner and we see each other every weekend now and we're sexually active but I feel like I'm just letting him down every time we fuck lately due to my depression/anhedonia getting bad. I want to genuinely enjoy this activity again but I feel so weak and have such low energy and drive to do anything. I feel horrible since I'm supposed to be "at my prime" and I can't show up in the high energy way that I used to so I can make him feel good and for myself to enjoy it too. I just want to get better and for things to go back to how they were. I also have OCD ruminations about being a sexual predator or rapist every time I'm not seeking reassurance through constantly asking if it's still ok and asking after the fact if it was ok. I have to fight myself to not send messages apologizing for sex acts that happened days ago (although if it was assault, what good would that do?). He always tells me when he wants me to stop something and I always oblige but I still worry that I'm committing assault. I feel like I still struggle to comprehend that someone likes me enough in that way and it makes me think that he's tricking himself into being with me, that being with me is self harm. I don't want to hurt him. My worst fear is hurting him deeply without knowing.

Your consent and comfort is important even if you're active, he's your partner, someone that loves and cares about you, he'll understand you're not in the right state of mind towards the topic at the moment, take time to reflect on where those thoughts come from, and go back to your activities as you feel like it, maybe slower and vanilla could be nice as well

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

This may not be helpful but it may be food for thought. Is it possible to be with someone or interaction with another human being in a way that is not hurting them?

After all, by talking to someone, you are taking minutes of their finite life away. Is that not the very definition of harm?

For someone who only spends time with others purely out of self interest, someone who only takes & never gives, the answer to that question would be yes.