I just want to be done. I've lost everything

[littleearthquakes]

I can't do this anymore. I've been fighting my body my entire life and all I do is get sicker and sicker. I had a little bit of hope and it all got taken away from me and that's always what happens.

I just want to walk again I want to eat normal food I want to be able to type on my computer. I want even a sliver of a normal life I want to be able to get out of my bed out of my room. I want my partner to care about me and not constantly pick fights and be distracted and hate me for what I'm going through.

I want to feel safe in the world I want to feel safe in my body and in whatever this relationship is. I want to feel like people understand me I don't want to feel alone all the time. I don't want to feel like a monster and a freak and something that scares people. I'm so limited and no one wants that or wants me.

Either they don't believe me or they're frightened of me or bored by me or disappointed by me or overwhelmed by me. I get pushed away over and over and I lose everybody and everything.

There's one medication left that probably won't even help and I know it's not going to fix the permanent damage.

What am I even fighting for I don't want this. I wish I knew an accessible and sure way that I could end this. I have no autotomy I'm completely disabled.

Nobody cares what I'm going through and if I told them any of this they would just make things worse. I have no one and I have nothing and I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what to do.

 

[Zeir Anpin 729]

I just want to walk again

I feel that. Both of my legs are broken and I am bedridden, alone in an apartment that I can no longer afford. The worst thing is all the job opportunities I have lost. They refuse to hire me once they figure out I am disabled. Every day it feels more and more like RFK JRs hitler concentration camps would actually be more merciful.

 

[littleearthquakes]

I feel that. Both of my legs are broken and I am bedridden, alone in an apartment that I can no longer afford. The worst thing is all the job opportunities I have lost. They refuse to hire me once they figure out I am disabled. Every day it feels more and more like RFK JRs hitler concentration camps would actually be more merciful.

I'm Jewish so I'd rather not go out that way with more suffering and horrors but I wish the US had MAID or death with dignity for chronically ill people.