Venting I just hit rock bottom

[Codename_Joryu]

I'm at the lowest point of my life so far. I'm almost out of all the money I saved but my job hunt is going nowhere, so I just rot at home while mindlessly scrolling or playing video games that aren't even fun. Literally nothing gives me pleasure and I'm always just so fucking tired. Every action takes so much energy that I have to unironically lay on the bed for 5 minutes after bringing some snacks from the kitchen. I can barely sleep and have nightmares almost every night. I'm addicted to nicotine and porn again. I have no real friends and I'm still a virgin at 20 years old. Suicide is getting more tempting with every passing day.

 

[SadBumblebee]

The process of getting a job totally sucks sometimes, I get that. I also understand not getting pleasure out of anything and feeling completely exhausted for seemingly no reason. That, plus the lack of sleep and addictions (which is just a coping mechanism) is a sign of severe depression. Is it possible to see a doctor about this? Also, a bit random but which video games?

 

[Codename_Joryu]

That, plus the lack of sleep and addictions (which is just a coping mechanism) is a sign of severe depression.

Yeah, no shit. I've been depressed for almost 9 years now.

Also, a bit random but which video games?

League and Valorant.

 

[eupdplishlp]

I'm at the lowest point of my life so far. I'm almost out of all the money I saved but my job hunt is going nowhere, so I just rot at home while mindlessly scrolling or playing video games that aren't even fun. Literally nothing gives me pleasure and I'm always just so fucking tired. Every action takes so much energy that I have to unironically lay on the bed for 5 minutes after bringing some snacks from the kitchen. I can barely sleep and have nightmares almost every night. I'm addicted to nicotine and porn again. I have no real friends and I'm still a virgin at 20 years old. Suicide is getting more tempting with every passing day.

I get stuck scrolling too for ages the quick dopamine buz is very addictive. nictotine too i practically chain smoke to keep my self feeling settled. games also give a sense of achievement which is addictive, games are better than porn for sure. Also being a virgin at 20 is more normal than you'd think infact most religious people are like this as they don't do anything until marriage. Don't let social media make you think your not normal for that you completley are

 

[Codename_Joryu]

I get stuck scrolling too for ages the quick dopamine buz is very addictive. nictotine too i practically chain smoke to keep my self feeling settled. games also give a sense of achievement which is addictive, games are better than porn for sure. Also being a virgin at 20 is more normal than you'd think infact most religious people are like this as they don't do anything until marriage. Don't let social media make you think your not normal for that you completley are

It's not social media, I just see how other people around me are doing and it's obvious that I'm doing something wrong. And being a virgin at 20 is not normal at all. Sex and love is something that most people experience when they are teenagers. An adult virgin is a laughing stock and a disgrace, people don't even treat you like a human being.

 

[SadBumblebee]

Yeah, no shit. I've been depressed for almost 9 years now.


League and Valorant.

Have you seen a doctor?

 

[Linda]

It's not social media, I just see how other people around me are doing and it's obvious that I'm doing something wrong. And being a virgin at 20 is not normal at all. Sex and love is something that most people experience when they are teenagers. An adult virgin is a laughing stock and a disgrace, people don't even treat you like a human being.

I first had sex when I was 21. Not because I wanted to wait that long, but because my circumstances didn't give me much choice. It didn't do me any real harm, and once I got going I soon made up for lost time. Don't worry about it. You have plenty of time.

 

[darksouls]

It's not social media, I just see how other people around me are doing and it's obvious that I'm doing something wrong. And being a virgin at 20 is not normal at all. Sex and love is something that most people experience when they are teenagers. An adult virgin is a laughing stock and a disgrace, people don't even treat you like a human being.

your private life is none of other peoples business

 

[Codename_Joryu]

Have you seen a doctor?

I've been seeing doctors almost my entire life. I don't see how are they supposed to fix my severe lack of pussy and intelligence.

 

[Michelstaedter]

I think the worst thing is thinking you've hit rock bottom and then realizing you haven't... That there's still more rock bottom to hit, and that happens over the years...

I'm 33 and still a virgin, jobless, friendless, addicted to porn, fapping, insomnia. There were times I'd have nightmares or weird feelings while sleeping, like making roaring noises or whatever the hell was happening to me, where I'd wake up with a sore throat from the sound I was making. There were also times I felt like I was suffocating and would wake up scared. It doesn't happen anymore, but when it did, I thought I was pretty screwed... Then it stopped happening, and now I'm just an insomniac.

When I was in my 20s, and even before that, I worried about not having a girlfriend, being a virgin, and not being able to have a job. Now I realize that the least important thing was having sex and a girlfriend, as much as it was a fucking joke, because you can't live off sex and girlfriends. On the other hand, having a job to live on my own and provide a better life for my pets would have been better, so I wouldn't have hit rock bottom and know there's still more to come...

P.S. If you're wondering what I mean by touching beyond the core, I can illustrate it with this image. Now that I saw your avatar, I remembered that 8 years ago I fapped watching an anime gif and felt weird... Nowadays, an anime girl turns me on more and makes me hotter than a real woman... And I'm serious, I'm not joking. Hentai makes me climax faster than real porn...

 

[Aloneandinpain]

And being a virgin at 20 is not normal at all. Sex and love is something that most people experience when they are teenagers

It's absolutely fine to be a virgin at 20, I'd say you're at the perfect level of maturity for a relationship. It only starts to get genuinely worrying once you're past 25.

I'm double your age and still haven't figured it out so it's basically over for me now unfortunately.

 

[Signal]

I'm at the lowest point of my life so far. I'm almost out of all the money I saved but my job hunt is going nowhere, so I just rot at home while mindlessly scrolling or playing video games that aren't even fun. Literally nothing gives me pleasure and I'm always just so fucking tired. Every action takes so much energy that I have to unironically lay on the bed for 5 minutes after bringing some snacks from the kitchen. I can barely sleep and have nightmares almost every night. I'm addicted to nicotine and porn again. I have no real friends and I'm still a virgin at 20 years old. Suicide is getting more tempting with every passing day.

I'm 21 and still a virgin, as pathetic as this sounds, i don't think i have even held hands romantically with a girl or a boy and i don't even remember the last time i hug someone that wasn't my mom. Not because i haven't had opportunities to achieve that, in fact, i have had quite a few, but something's broken in my brain and i just can't do it.

As michel said, i had thought several times in the past that i had hit rock bottom and i couldn't get worse only to discover that i, in fact, could fall even deeper, i have also thought about committing suicide several times in the past, but I'm too much of a coward to do something like that, and for better or for worse, i kept on living, and you, too, will probably keep on living, for better or for worse.

There's nothing you can do about almost all the things you mentioned, aside from keep on trying and seeking professional help, but even that doesn't guarantee anything. But there's one thing you can control, and that's your outlook on loneliness and relationships. You see, i really think that there's people that, for one reason or another, are destined to be alone forever, i know I'm one of them, and i don't know if you're one too, but from what you say, probably the best thing you can do is make an active effort to get used to this loneliness, it will be difficult, and maybe you won't even get used to it, but if you do, even if all the other things in your life stay the same, at least that will be one burden less from your mind. I have completely given up on real people, i just take care of my social needs with people on the internet, and my sexual desire with the occasional porn

I'm not saying that it is easy, but it is possible, and what other choice do we have? After all, cowards like me will probably keep on living, even if it hurts, even if they don't want to, for better or for worse.