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DiscussionI hope people find this account
Thread startersquillykilly
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Does anyone hope that people find their SS account before they CTB, I really wish someone would find this and just ask me if I'm okay and hug me for like... A few hours... And then they take me back to their home and take care of me for the night and maybe the next day.... Maybe i just long to be cradled and coddled...
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LonelyPrince, lollipoppi, witchbimbo and 19 others
yeah, me too. i often wish someone would just come save me. like maybe there really is someone out there who will hold me and tell me its gonna be okay. the loneliness gets hard. i also crave wanting to hold someone too. i want someone to tell me theres a reason to be here and actually mean it and care about me.
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4colliez, lollipoppi, peacecomingsoon and 8 others
Honestly, I do. It's more so for spiteful reasons, so that the people that made me like this can see the state they've driven me into and realize there will be blood on their hands, but it brings me comfort to think about people once in my life being haunted by me and my death.
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4colliez, violetforever, kuroshimi and 4 others
I always just want to be held and told everything is going to be okay. I'm a very tactile person and being without physical contact is driving a lot of my suicidality. I want someone to know who can make a difference and comfort me.
Probably, this is the main reason why I want to talk about this place with some of my internet friends, I think they know about sasu in general, but they unaware about my presence here.
Regarding the question, actually, it depends on which person will discover it. But I think it will only happen with some of my internet friends, since they are kind of terminally online too.
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4colliez, eggsausagerice, EmptyBottle and 1 other person
Many people might consider one crazy if they see they are not just depressed but also wanna die and discuss it here. Just having an account will be enough.
I am transactional not just suicidal I like basic comfort not some fights for pennies or constant pain.
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dontletthembribeyou, EmptyBottle and squillykilly
yeah, me too. i often wish someone would just come save me. like maybe there really is someone out there who will hold me and tell me its gonna be okay. the loneliness gets hard. i also crave wanting to hold someone too. i want someone to tell me theres a reason to be here and actually mean it and care about me.
That's called "Love", and i want that too. So bad, we are just strangers, on an online website, and maybe, our distance are the oceans... I want "Love" so bad. Someone to hug, tide hug...
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squillykilly, EmptyBottle, HowlingCoyote and 1 other person
Does anyone hope that people find their SS account before they CTB, I really wish someone would find this and just ask me if I'm okay and hug me for like... A few hours... And then they take me back to their home and take care of me for the night and maybe the next day.... Maybe i just long to be cradled and coddled...
Not really. I've kind of lost interest in talking to people who are just going to try to gaslight me into false comfort or are otherwise incapable of understanding where I'm coming from. Anyone can tell themselves empty platitudes like "things get better", "don't give up", "you have people who love and care about you", "your life has meaning". I've unfortunately been the person saying these things as a teen when talking with suicidal friends. Saying those things doesn't really require any deep thought or effort towards empathizing with a person. It's the equivalent of telling someone to "just be happy" and functions more as a way to get someone to shut up about their problems and stop inconveniencing others.
This kind of gaslighting under the guise of comforting and encouragement is honestly just emotionally taxing to have to sit through, so I don't really think I would want anyone who isn't open to truly understanding my viewpoint to see this side of myself.
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squillykilly, witchbimbo, MyLastTour and 1 other person
There are some people in my life who know I'm on this forum.
They don't know my user or any posts I've made but I've been honest about it with some people to explain my situation, and I even told my therapist and psychiatrist about it at some point. I never named the forum to anyone though.
I never really got much reaction out of this, though. I think people just really don't know how to handle it when they hear it, and at the same time not very surprised about it either.
I do appreciate the people I have around me that are trying to support me, I just don't think it changed anything.
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squillykilly, dontletthembribeyou, violetforever and 1 other person
No, I have enough stalkers after me. If anyone irl found it I would end up in the hospital again, and if the stalkers find it they would use it to further ruin my life after I whistleblew on their whole operation.
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squillykilly, lpdsvm, dontletthembribeyou and 1 other person
I'm honestly not entirely sure why I quietly hope for someone to find my account. There's about a million ways I could justify hoping someone on here would reach out, most of them boiling down to validation if I'm being honest. 'Oh someone, find me interesting enough to talk to', and variations thereof. Fantasising really.
Very doubtful anyone irl would find this account or go looking, though I imagine if it were found, anyone who knows me well enough would pretty near instantly know it's me.
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4colliez, squillykilly, violetforever and 1 other person
i've thought about this and i really don't care. maybe because i'm not even hiding much of anything on here in the first place. i pretty much talk about everything, just not in complete revealing detail. anybody who knows me that could find this account is already, or at least mostly, aware of what i share in my posts here. my family knows i hate them and i'm unhappy. the online friends i've had know all about how unfortunate my life is. i'm very open with the one friend i do have about wanting to die because we both want to. nobody would love and care more for me if they found this account. they wouldn't really learn anything new either. basically nothing would change. i really like having this place to vent with similar people where we can all be anonymous though <3
i hate when people act like they care about me because i know they only want to do it in the moment, but then they'll forget about me again. i'd rather that no one know i post here. it would just make them uncomfortable. i don't wanted to be touched, perceived, or talked to. i don't want people to feel sorry for me when there's nothing that can make me feel better. there isn't anyone in my life that i would trust with my sasu account. i don't think that i'll be able to meet anyone that won't find me being suicidal repulsive.
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dontletthembribeyou, EmptyBottle and squillykilly
I definitely don't want to hear it'll be okay because no one that says that knows that. It's right up there with claiming CTB is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" atp.
My whole life is a series of overlapping problems and I'm only getting older and am in more pain as it goes on so calling my problems temporary or saying they'll work out is just factually wrong.
My bf knows that my back up plan is CTB because I've told him as much. I felt it would be wrong to not tell him because him deciding whether or not he wants to be with me and consenting to our relationship requires him being aware of the risk of losing me that way.
The hugs and cuddles definitely help and I'd feel a fair amount better if we could see each other more regularly but if he tells me platitudes, I'll end up making him feel bad because I can't just quietly hear him trying to comfort me when the words aren't something he can possibly know to be true.
Plus, then I feel worse because I do appreciate his goal and that he loves me, I don't want to drag him down with my morbid realism any more than I have to.
I do wish someone with the means to take care of my basic needs could just take me in so I had a real chance at getting better though. I know my bf would if he wasn't also broke af, he even seems to be operating with that as the goal. I'm still pushing myself to stay because maybe, just maybe we'll live together someday and together we could find a way to face the world but I don't have much hope of that.
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dontletthembribeyou, EmptyBottle and lpdsvm
If I'm totally candid with myself, I do think I'm sort of constructing a journal of sorts through my posts. A scrapbook of some of my stories and insight into my thoughts and rationales. I don't have anyone particularly inquisitive (perhaps my mother but she's advanced in years and not tech savvy) in my life so I don't think anyone would care to take a dive into my online activites (even if I left a note stating I was an active member here).
I definitely don't want to hear it'll be okay because no one that says that knows that. It's right up there with claiming CTB is a "permanent solution to a temporary problem" atp.
My whole life is a series of overlapping problems and I'm only getting older and am in more pain as it goes on so calling my problems temporary or saying they'll work out is just factually wrong.
My bf knows that my back up plan is CTB because I've told him as much. I felt it would be wrong to not tell him because him deciding whether or not he wants to be with me and consenting to our relationship requires him being aware of the risk of losing me that way.
The hugs and cuddles definitely help and I'd feel a fair amount better if we could see each other more regularly but if he tells me platitudes, I'll end up making him feel bad because I can't just quietly hear him trying to comfort me when the words aren't something he can possibly know to be true.
Plus, then I feel worse because I do appreciate his goal and that he loves me, I don't want to drag him down with my morbid realism any more than I have to.
I do wish someone with the means to take care of my basic needs could just take me in so I had a real chance at getting better though. I know my bf would if he wasn't also broke af, he even seems to be operating with that as the goal. I'm still pushing myself to stay because maybe, just maybe we'll live together someday and together we could find a way to face the world but I don't have much hope of that.
I totally agree with you. I am alive because I am doing them a favor (my job mostly). Friends aaah not sure I have none. Maybe future friends. I just can hang in there if I cant thats over. The fact that I can CTB it makes me less anxious about anything in my life
This website is better than any therapy for me. I have never had one. I need a financial advisor or some sorta skill coach (doubt it will help).This one beats them all.
Nope.
First of all, i do not wish anyone that they would reach the point where they need to look for such forum. And let's be honest, you cannot "accidentally" stumble upon this place. You have to actively look for it.
Second - even if someone i know would end up here, there's very little chance they would connect this profile to me.
Third - even if they somehow found this place AND connected the dots well enough to associate this account with specific person they know then what? "Oh, i'm sorry, i didn't know you feel this way"? or similar bullshit? Guess what. If you think that you are close to me and you still didn't notice then i do not give flying intercourse what do you have to say on the subject, after seeing my profile.
Does anyone hope that people find their SS account before they CTB, I really wish someone would find this and just ask me if I'm okay and hug me for like... A few hours... And then they take me back to their home and take care of me for the night and maybe the next day.... Maybe i just long to be cradled and coddled...
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