SaulGoodmanxX
Member
- Mar 7, 2024
- 14
I think it kind of all stems from the idea that i would never make it to X birthday,16, 18, and then 21. But here i am, at 21. And now what? I fucked up the biggest opportunity i had, and now here i am. Not quite at my lowest, although at times i yearn to be there. Its weird to mourn feeling overwhelmingly suicidal i think. I start a summer college class tomorrow, to get started on a degree i really start in August. My mom has asked many times if i'm excited about starting school and ill say something like yeah or i cant wait, but I'm entirely indifferent to it. Like i am with everything. So anyways onward we go, who knows if ill make it to 25. Maybe thats how ill take to life, stepping stones designated by age with the steps getting bigger and bigger as i go, or ill finally ctb and get it over with. Death doesn't send me into a pit of anxiety or paranoia anymore, ive mostly convinced myself that there is some sort of afterlife. What exactly it could be, i guess ill know someday, or maybe it really is just nothing, but thinking of a black void of nothingness is still something. Anyways thanks for reading my everyonce in a while SaSu rant. 
