I have finally decided how am I going to die

[FireFox]

People in my life do not understand how much getting married means to me. I am scared of being alone after my mum and grandmother die because my relatives do not care about me its painful to learn this as I grow older.

The lockdown has showed me if you don't have a family society doesn't care about you and will leave you behind. That made me realise slowly I want a family of my own. If my relatives were nice people and made feel me like a part of the family I wouldn't feel this excessive need to belong and fit in. My relatives don't appreciate family members who help them with all their problems and constantly get away with treating family members as disposable when they are no longer convenient. Growing up I became aware of how my relatives treat people especially my mum and grandmother and as a result I grew up never feeling like a part of the family.

Even relatives I once loved and cared about turned out to be a major disappointment. There was a relative I used to be so close too she was my favourite because she was fun to hang around. When one her adult kids died suddenly from a heart attack she became a verybitter and mean person. Family members who enjoy themselves she hates them for it and make them suffer for iit even during happier times like Christmas

For me SN poisoning is how I plan to go out, once i obtain some. I will never be good enough for any man I love.and I don't want to be alone in this world. People tell me there is a better man out there for me but how do they know when I have never been wanted nor loved by a man. All I have ever known is rejection and humiliation from men I loved so such

 

[Griever]

 

[derekWest]

Have you try matrimonial agency ?

 

[DivineSpark]

For me it is train. There are no high buildings in my city. Getting firearms with mental illness background is almost impossible. I dont trust overdosing methods.

 

[bankai]

Dating is a numbers game. And the right match is all about chemistry. The right person is there for everyone out there. But finding them is going to be tough. You're going to have to date 8 out of 10 people that won't be right for you, which makes it really difficult. When you eventually come across the right person, they are also going to view you as the right person as well since The chemistry will be that good. Like anything, relationships are hard work. If your disillusioned by the few you've met, you have to keep meeting new people.Of course it's going to be really hard and statistically you're going to meet more people that you're not right for. Eventually, you'll meet the right person. But why not try? Exhaust your options as much as possible.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

Dating is a numbers game. And the right match is all about chemistry. The right person is there for everyone out there. But finding them is going to be tough. You're going to have to date 8 out of 10 people that won't be right for you, which makes it really difficult. When you eventually come across the right person, they are also going to view you as the right person as well since The chemistry will be that good. Like anything, relationships are hard work. If your disillusioned by the few you've met, you have to keep meeting new people.Of course it's going to be really hard and statistically you're going to meet more people that you're not right for. Eventually, you'll meet the right person. But why not try? Exhaust your options as much as possible.

Dating is not as simple as a numbers game. That's only if you don't have much trauma. If you have extreme trauma or anxiety issues, there is most likely isn't anyone out there that will be right for you.
Not saying this to be mean. Most people wouldn't want someone in their life with every waking minute having an anxiety attack. Having to miss work maybe to take care of someone with issues? Yeah they may be able to tolerate it for a month. But years and years on? No.
Only a relative or a parent will have that type of unconditional love.

 

[bankai]

Dating is not as simple as a numbers game. That's only if you don't have much trauma. If you have extreme trauma or anxiety issues, there is most likely isn't anyone out there that will be right for you.
Not saying this to be mean. Most people wouldn't want someone in their life with every waking minute having an anxiety attack. Having to miss work maybe to take care of someone with issues? Yeah they may be able to tolerate it for a month. But years and years on? No.
Only a relative or a parent will have that type of unconditional love.

I'm single myself, I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.I was just trying to give OP some motivation as it seems to be very important to them. Me personally, I don't date 'cause I have enough things to worry about. In a relationship, you're not only shouldering the other person's burdens,they're shouldering yours.

That being said, OP wants to rather catch the bus than be alone. So in her case, it's better to exhaust every option. If you have met dozens of people and it's still not working out, then fine. Do what you feel you need to do.

 

[Forever Sleep]

No one knows for sure that you'll meet a good match. No one can say you won't either (including you.) It's likely based on so many things- being open to the opportunity, putting yourself in social situations to meet people and a large amount of luck.

It depends more on whether you're willing to put yourself through that for the chance of meeting someone. 3 of my closer friends have found partners, 2 of us haven't.

There's also the faint possibility that you will grow up to want a partner less. In my 20's and 30's, I was desperate to be in love. Now, I'm glad I'm alone and, I appreciate my independence. That might happen for you or, it might not. Kind of impossible to tell at this stage. Ultimately though, it's down to you though, day to day, whether you think it's worth sticking around for.

One thing though- seeing as I feel reasonably familiar with your past. When that awful older guy you worked with turned out to be an arsehole- at the time, you likely felt like you'd never care for someone again. But then, you did meet that other guy. I know that didn't work out either but it proves at least that there are more than one or two people you could grow to care deeply for.

Each time I went through my crazy limerent crushes, I hated the thought of 'loving' someone new or, 'getting over them' but, in each case, I did. Things change, life moves on. It can take many years sometimes but, it happens (in my experience.)

Really, it's just hoping for that good fortune that you find someone mutually caring about you. I do truly hope that happens for you. Ultimately though, it's you who has to decide whether it's worth risking and holding on for.

 

[Dejected 55]

The whole "numbers game" thing has always depressed me. As a guy, we generally are told that unless we are super handsome or rich or famous, we might have to ask out 1000 girls to get 10 dates and maybe 1-2 of those dates lead to at least a short-term relationship or multiple dates. That is horrible.

And relationships shouldn't be like shopping. I don't give a crap about things. I buy the best thing at the best price and I'm willing to shop around to get that, but I'm not emotionally invested in a thing. I'm not looking for warmth and love and acceptance from a thing. I'm not going to confide in and trust and love a thing.

Rejection is fine. I mean it sucks, but it's life. You can be rejected for any reason and no one really owes you an explanation. From my perspective if I ask a girl out she owes me nothing but a response, and that response can just be "no."

But when you're always rejected unless it's a blind date... and you never get a second date... and you're told that women decide in the first minute of meeting you whether they will ever be interested in you... and all the crazy crap about how you're supposed to act or be in order to "make" someone interested in you... and then it just never happens.

Then you look around and all the people who are doing the things that everyone says are the things you are supposed to do... at least half of those relationships fail and people fail repeatedly and people lie and cheat in relationships and hurt each other along the way out of selfishness and negligence... basically even the people who "succeed" aren't really finding anyone either, not for long anyway.

So rare are the people who meet and fall in love and have a lifelong relationship and family.

Everything just sucks.

 

[divinemistress36]

Its hard finding someone that can accept and willing to date someone who is mentally ill. I know they are out there buts its rare

 

[locked*n*loaded]

and you're told that women decide in the first minute of meeting you whether they will ever be interested in you...

Guys do the same thing. I know I have. And some regrets I have are not giving some women a "chance" instead of just casting them off right away based on initial perceptions.

 

[Dejected 55]

Guys do the same thing. I know I have. And some regrets I have are not giving some women a "chance" instead of just casting them off right away based on initial perceptions.

I know, men and women both do it. It sucks either way. I just can't speak for the other side of it. The key difference in our society is that men are expected to initiate everything. So while it probably sucks to be a woman who doesn't get approached, she at least isn't expected to go up to someone and express her feelings only to get rejected over and over again. As a man, I either have to sit alone thinking no one wants me OR I have to approach a woman only to confirm no one wants me. I feel like that sucks just slightly more. But I am biased I suppose.

A long time ago a friend/co-worker I didn't know him super well as we only really hung out at work, but we talked and even though we were from different parts of the area and went to different schools, I randomly found out one day that he had an ex-girlfriend that went to my high school and the only reason I knew her was we had been paired together for driver's education.

Anyway, one day he brought a girl with him (we worked at a store so sometimes you'd be there on your day off) and was introducing me and others... and later he asked me what I thought about her. She seemed nice enough but I had no real opinion because I knew nothing about her. Turns out, this guy and look I'm not gay at all but I can appreciate handsome men and have no issues with my sexuality saying so... this dude was in really good muscular shape and was a handsome and kind dude. Anyway, he told me that he was in a grocery store and she was the cashier and she just cold asked him out while ringing him up. He said she didn't seem like his type but he knew how hard it was to ask someone out like that so he felt like he wanted to give her a chance.

Dude was a good dude anyway, but that really earned him a lot of respect from me. A girl approached him that wasn't his usual type that he would have asked out, he was single, so he thought he'd give her a chance for her taking that leap. I think they dated for a while. I honestly don't know because not too long after that he left the job and we weren't outside-of-work friends so I'll never know how that happened.

Now, I'm not saying everyone (man or woman) owes someone a date for asking them out. No one is owed anything. I'm just saying if more men and women were open to the thought process of this dude, when someone goes out on a limb and risks rejection IF you're a single person and the guy/girl isn't immediately hideously horrible to you... why not give them a shot? You never know if you aren't open.

 

[FireFox]

For me it is train. There are no high buildings in my city. Getting firearms with mental illness background is almost impossible. I dont trust overdosing methods.

@DivineSpark Trian is the worst. There is a short space of time between when you jump off the platform and when the train hits you . If you mess up your timings you will end up with lost limbs and permanent disability.

People have lost legs and others get paralysis because they failed with the train method.

It's traumatic for train driver similar can be said with jumping in front of a lorry. A footballer in the UK tried to kill himself by jumping infront of a lorry. He survived and had to be treated for broken bones. The lorry driver became traumatied and later on killed himself. I remember when the story broke out.

 

[DivineSpark]

@DivineSpark Trian is the worst. There is a short space of time between when you jump off the platform and when the train hits you . If you mess up your timings you will end up with lost limbs and permanent disability.

People have lost legs and others get paralysis because they failed with the train method.

It's traumatic for train driver similar can be said with jumping in front of a lorry. A footballer in the UK tried to kill himself by jumping infront of a lorry. He survived and had to be treated for broken bones. The lorry driver became traumatied and later on killed himself. I remember when the story broke out.

If I let train behead me, lay my neck on it. I am pretty sure that method has 99% fatality rate. I dont trust SN or other overdosing methods.

 

[FireFox]

If I let train behead me, lay my neck on it. I am pretty sure that method has 99% fatality rate. I dont trust SN or other overdosing methods.

Why don't you trust SN ?

 

[Morte]

I'm 28 and a virgin too.

My family has started to make fun of me because I've never had a girl, while all my cousins and people my age are married, have families or are dating. Sometimes I go out with my few friends and they start talking about sex so I look like an idiot among them. it's easy for them to realize that I've never had anyone, because it's basically written all over my face.

The worst part is that I've reached the point of no return, because at my age no woman will want to date a completely inexperienced guy. My early youth were completely wasted without me experiencing a single romance and this will always leave me with scars for the rest of my life. I'll never be a functional adult because of this.

I tried to forget about it, but this crushing feeling is already starting to eat me up from the inside out.

 

[OhWellDerp321]

I'm single myself, I don't want to burden anyone with my issues.I was just trying to give OP some motivation as it seems to be very important to them. Me personally, I don't date 'cause I have enough things to worry about. In a relationship, you're not only shouldering the other person's burdens,they're shouldering yours.

That being said, OP wants to rather catch the bus than be alone. So in her case, it's better to exhaust every option. If you have met dozens of people and it's still not working out, then fine. Do what you feel you need to do.

Sometimes its more draining to date than not date. The loneliness is sometimes better tbh.

Dating when you know its not gonna work out is more crushing than just accepting being alone.