laceytrigger
The cutest girl in the world ♡
- Mar 29, 2026
- 8
Just a warning yes i still live at home yes im still in school no im not a minor Im 18 which im pretty sure is allowed here
I have 2 loving parents and a sister that compliments me and wants the best for me, I live in a 2 story home with my family, they give me money whenever I want it & buy me pretty much anything I want, theyve always been nonstrict, they let me start getting piercings at 13 and my first tattoo at 15, and my moms been dyeing my hair since I was 9, I can wear whatever I want no matter how weird or revealing.
And its not that they spoil me to make up for something, they do love me.
Im also not ugly, if I weren't alternative I think I could seriously be considered pretty by my peers.. blue eyes, small nose, underweight, pale, all that bullshit that other women would kill for, but I dont want this body.
Ive never been through anything really hard. Sure I didn't have many friends growing up and ive always been the "weird kid" that people judged from a distance, which i understand since I've always been oversensitive and morbid.
My parents always scold me for that, ever since I first found out about death when my uncle overdosed and killed himself when I was just a little kid, I was fascinated by it. I would draw people stabbing eachother before I could even spell my own name and id chase my sister with a knife constantly.
But when I started getting a bit older, like around 10 years old I realised I dont want to grow up, I dont want to live in this world because it sucks, and idk why I even feel that way because my life is great, but I cry at every little insult and I feel so stupid when I get one thing wrong.
I was a violent kid, I would hit and throw and break anytning when I was mad, therapy didnt help, so I was put on a concerning amount of adhd meds, which also didnt help so at some point I started scratching myself until i bled or hitting my head so I wouldnt hurt others.
At around 11 years old I started thinking about suicide everyday, methods, what it would be like, when I would do or, etc...
I managed to fight the urge to cut myself until the summer I turned 15, when my girlfriend left me. It wasnt even that serious but I searched my room for anything sharp and broke a tape dispenser to use the blade on my wrist.
Ever since then I've been cutting whenever I feel any sort of emotion, no matter if its positive or negative. I attempted multiple times during my teen years and never told my parents, just some of my friends, who continued to ask me whats wrong and why I would give up
I never knew what to say to them because... I dont know??? Nothing is wrong. Im happy. I have friends. I have a good family. I like how I look. I am loved. Im not depressed. I just cant stand the thought of living no matter how much I try, at every small inconvenience my mind automatically goes to killing myself. I think about it atleast 10 times a day everyday for almost the past decade. Its taken over my life completely and I wish it would take me already
I dont know why im like this. Does anyone feel the same way?
I have 2 loving parents and a sister that compliments me and wants the best for me, I live in a 2 story home with my family, they give me money whenever I want it & buy me pretty much anything I want, theyve always been nonstrict, they let me start getting piercings at 13 and my first tattoo at 15, and my moms been dyeing my hair since I was 9, I can wear whatever I want no matter how weird or revealing.
And its not that they spoil me to make up for something, they do love me.
Im also not ugly, if I weren't alternative I think I could seriously be considered pretty by my peers.. blue eyes, small nose, underweight, pale, all that bullshit that other women would kill for, but I dont want this body.
Ive never been through anything really hard. Sure I didn't have many friends growing up and ive always been the "weird kid" that people judged from a distance, which i understand since I've always been oversensitive and morbid.
My parents always scold me for that, ever since I first found out about death when my uncle overdosed and killed himself when I was just a little kid, I was fascinated by it. I would draw people stabbing eachother before I could even spell my own name and id chase my sister with a knife constantly.
But when I started getting a bit older, like around 10 years old I realised I dont want to grow up, I dont want to live in this world because it sucks, and idk why I even feel that way because my life is great, but I cry at every little insult and I feel so stupid when I get one thing wrong.
I was a violent kid, I would hit and throw and break anytning when I was mad, therapy didnt help, so I was put on a concerning amount of adhd meds, which also didnt help so at some point I started scratching myself until i bled or hitting my head so I wouldnt hurt others.
At around 11 years old I started thinking about suicide everyday, methods, what it would be like, when I would do or, etc...
I managed to fight the urge to cut myself until the summer I turned 15, when my girlfriend left me. It wasnt even that serious but I searched my room for anything sharp and broke a tape dispenser to use the blade on my wrist.
Ever since then I've been cutting whenever I feel any sort of emotion, no matter if its positive or negative. I attempted multiple times during my teen years and never told my parents, just some of my friends, who continued to ask me whats wrong and why I would give up
I never knew what to say to them because... I dont know??? Nothing is wrong. Im happy. I have friends. I have a good family. I like how I look. I am loved. Im not depressed. I just cant stand the thought of living no matter how much I try, at every small inconvenience my mind automatically goes to killing myself. I think about it atleast 10 times a day everyday for almost the past decade. Its taken over my life completely and I wish it would take me already
I dont know why im like this. Does anyone feel the same way?
