Venting I hate myself

[Kanau_Nano]

I can't be normal. I just can't. I quit my job recently and I had to return my things today because I kept putting it off, and they were getting mad at me. When I dropped my stuff off I felt so pathetic and anxious. I was shaking, my head and heart hurt, I just felt terrible. I could hardly look anyone in the eye. They probably think I'm so weird.

On the way back I got on a bus to go home, because I'm too anxious to drive a car and probably too stupid too. When I got on it was so packed and I quickly looked around trying to find a seat. My heart was racing I started shaking again and kept thinking bad things about myself. It's just a packed bus I've been on one many times but i just can't be comfortable of course. On the walk home after I got off I kept trying to avoid any contact with others as much as I can. I felt so overwhelmed with bad feelings and still do. Once I got home I just browsed here and smoked pretty much. I'm back here again and i can't stop thinking of ctb right now. I really do want to wait a little more, but it's getting difficult. The only thing I can think of to help is vent here and then I'm going to take enough opiates to try and feel good again. I have no irl friends anymore because of how I am and I can't talk to family because I will worry them. I have one good friend I made on here at least that seems to care about me, but I think they are sleeping. I'm scared they will end up hating me or think I'm annoying eventually.

It's really not the worst day I've had, but I'm just so sick of how I am. I really shouldn't have quit, but I also felt so bad working too I couldn't take it anymore. I felt so stupid I thought i would hurt someone the whole time I was there. Every job I have i feel so incompetent and stressed

The only good thing that happened today was I went and got a coffee and I wasn't too awkward then. I always feel so out of place i don't belong here

 

[Matchaaa]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate. Even things that seem small or ordinary can feel really overwhelming sometimes. I hope things go smoothly for you.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I can relate. Even things that seem small or ordinary can feel really overwhelming sometimes. I hope things go smoothly for you.

I wish you didn't relate, anyways thank you matchaaa you're always super sweet. I hope things go smoothly for you too

 

[Atonal]

I can relate to so many things here unfortunately. Apart from the obvious ones about employment, feeling overwhelmed, incompetent and stupid... The part about being anxious to drive stood out for me.
Driving for me is the same as any social interaction that overwhelmes me and I can't stop thinking about killing someone on the road by accident. I'm not even talking about feeling too dumb to actually learn to drive.
Never had and never will.
Too bad opiates don't work for me lol

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I wish I could give you something to feel a relief.
But I can only say that you are not alone in feeling that way. Although there is not that much positive in knowing that.
I wish you to feel better in any way at least.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

I also go through anxiety like that. I get scared to talk to people often because I have a fear of being burdensome to others, and this fear has ruined friendships and made my life more difficult than it should be. You honestly don't deserve to feel such a way at all. You really are a nice person, and someone like you should be living their life happily. But god always makes the wrong people suffer. I seriously hope for your pain to ease, and for you to make it out of all of your struggles alive.

 

[themisfit]

Dear, don't put much pressure on yourself

It seems like you're having a hard time with your anxiety

I remember the days before I tried to CTB, I was just out of control

Don't hate yourself. You seem to be a very nice person, you seem to care about others

Warm hugs

 

[Kanau_Nano]

I can relate to so many things here unfortunately. Apart from the obvious ones about employment, feeling overwhelmed, incompetent and stupid... The part about being anxious to drive stood out for me.
Driving for me is the same as any social interaction that overwhelmes me and I can't stop thinking about killing someone on the road by accident. I'm not even talking about feeling too dumb to actually learn to drive.
Never had and never will.
Too bad opiates don't work for me lol

I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I wish I could give you something to feel a relief.
But I can only say that you are not alone in feeling that way. Although there is not that much positive in knowing that.
I wish you to feel better in any way at least.

I have the same fear. I never want to be responsible for hurting someone and I don't trust myself at all driving. It's so scary. I hope there is good public transit where you are have you tried to drive before? I never have just the thought gets me

Opiates never worked for me much either I took a many. Only if I take extremely high does. People's bodies are weird. Does it help your pain at least?

I'm sorry you relate to someone much. It's horrible feeling this way. I wish i could give you any advice. Here's a big hug at least!!

I also go through anxiety like that. I get scared to talk to people often because I have a fear of being burdensome to others, and this fear has ruined friendships and made my life more difficult than it should be. You honestly don't deserve to feel such a way at all. You really are a nice person, and someone like you should be living their life happily. But god always makes the wrong people suffer. I seriously hope for your pain to ease, and for you to make it out of all of your struggles alive.

I feel burdensome too. When I end up liking someone a lot I fear abandonment heavily. I tend to try to leave people before they can me if I think it will happen. I'm sure you relate sadly.

Thx btw i feel the same about you. Lots of hugs to you!!! I'm always wishing you the best

Dear, don't put much pressure on yourself

It seems like you're having a hard time with your anxiety

I remember the days before I tried to CTB, I was just out of control

Don't hate yourself. You seem to be a very nice person, you seem to care about others

Warm hugs

I don't even have to try i always feel so much pressure. Anxiety very much helped ruin my life. I try not to blame my mental health tho. I ruined it.

You struggle with anxiety too? I wish no one felt so bad over normal human interactions. You're very nice too thank you for the message. I really do appreciate it. Hope you have as good of a day as possible!!

 

[peacebenow]

Feel good about the coffee. You did what you need to do about the job. It will be ok.

 

[Kanau_Nano]

Feel good about the coffee. You did what you need to do about the job. It will be ok.

Thank you. It's hard to feel good sbout it tho. I am glad I can sleep now tho when I was working I hardly slept. I hope you have a good day/night