Venting I HATE BEING ON PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATION

[Droso]

All of these fucking pills that I take every damn day are supposed to help me function properly in society. I'm on fucking 30mg of lexapro and I'm still fucking depressed. YOU EVER THINK THAT IT AINT A GODDAMN CHEMICAL IMBALANCE? THAT THIS WORLD JUST FUCKING SUCKS ASS? AND MOST PEOPLE ARENT ABLE TO FUNCTION IN OUR CURRENT SOCIETY???

I have ADHD and the ONLY pill that has actually worked in terms of me being able to get shit done CAUSES ME TO BE SO FUCKING ANXIOUS AND SUICIDAL. I'm already suicidal, but I dissociate heavily, but apparently fucking concerta stops me from being able to dissociate! So now all of these feelings I've been bottling up to remain somewhat functioning are all let loose! I told my bf that I was planning to CTB in the fall, but now I'm daydreaming of doing it ASAP.

But I can't get off this damn medication. I'll stop functioning as how other people want me. And I know I can't act on impulse so I'm making myself wait. I'm so tired. I have to hurt myself in order to keep everyone around me happy and comfortable. I'm so alienated from almost everyone I know. The only times I truly feel ok is when I'm high on weed.

I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I want to die.

 

[DivineSpark]

Yeah, lots of psychiatric meds has nasty side effects and they might not even help.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I hear ya. I feel like I have had a chemical lobotomy, with all the meds.

 

[divinemistress36]

I agree. Once you are on them for so long they feel impossible to get off of. They dont know what causes mental illness so they just throw random meds at you to be a lab rat

 

[Nobody'sHero]

I hear ya. I feel like I have had a chemical lobotomy, with all the meds.

That's what they are meant to do.

 

[CravingPeace]

Fucking hell, 30 mg of Lexapro is a bitch and led me to my one (and only, for now) visit to the psych ward for suicidal ideation in December. I told my psychiatrist that I was becoming increasingly depressed during the holidays, and he upped my lexapro from 20 to 30. Which, for the uninitiated, is only experimentally given for OCD. No clinical significance at this dosage for anxiety/depression, and the brand name drug doesn't even make pills of 30 mg, 20 is the highest.

Not only did it do nothing to help, but it caused me to have involuntary bodily movements and was scary. While brushing my teeth, I would be unable to stop the "in and out" motion of my arm without pushing my arm down. If I nodded in agreement to something, I would continue nodding without being able to stop without significant resistance. And my depression just got worse until I admitted myself to the hospital.

Even at the psych ward they were like "yeah we don't give 30 mg to anyone" and I said "thank God". That was one good thing about going there - I was able to get off Vraylar (never needed it - I was previously manic, not psychotic, and the hospital didn't carry it) AND get my Lexapro back to where it should be.

I definitely feel you in regards to hating being on meds. Some of them have indeed "helped" me, but I don't feel like my true self anymore. What is the cost of stuffing away symptoms with meds to meet societal "mental health" norms?

 

[Droso]

Fucking hell, 30 mg of Lexapro is a bitch and led me to my one (and only, for now) visit to the psych ward for suicidal ideation in December. I told my psychiatrist that I was becoming increasingly depressed during the holidays, and he upped my lexapro from 20 to 30. Which, for the uninitiated, is only experimentally given for OCD. No clinical significance at this dosage for anxiety/depression, and the brand name drug doesn't even make pills of 30 mg, 20 is the highest.

Not only did it do nothing to help, but it caused me to have involuntary bodily movements and was scary. While brushing my teeth, I would be unable to stop the "in and out" motion of my arm without pushing my arm down. If I nodded in agreement to something, I would continue nodding without being able to stop without significant resistance. And my depression just got worse until I admitted myself to the hospital.

Even at the psych ward they were like "yeah we don't give 30 mg to anyone" and I said "thank God". That was one good thing about going there - I was able to get off Vraylar (never needed it - I was previously manic, not psychotic, and the hospital didn't carry it) AND get my Lexapro back to where it should be.

I definitely feel you in regards to hating being on meds. Some of them have indeed "helped" me, but I don't feel like my true self anymore. What is the cost of stuffing away symptoms with meds to meet societal "mental health" norms?

Jesus this is definitely way worse than my experience with Lexapro. Fortunately I never got horrible side effects when increasing to 30mg other than nausea and some puking, but it went away after the adjustment period. I've been on it for so fucking long that I have no idea how my original pre-medicated self was.

I'm about to have my appointment with my psychiatrist in 5 mins. I'm going to tell her I want to get off of Lexapro.

 

[CravingPeace]

I

Jesus this is definitely way worse than my experience with Lexapro. Fortunately I never got horrible side effects when increasing to 30mg other than nausea and some puking, but it went away after the adjustment period. I've been on it for so fucking long that I have no idea how my original pre-medicated self was.

I'm about to have my appointment with my psychiatrist in 5 mins. I'm going to tell her I want to get off of Lexapro.

If it's worth anything, and I know everyone is different, but I have noticed that my anxiety is less with Lexapro. We also tried it out in conjunction with Wellbutrin and that helped with my depression. The fatigue from them both is what did me in with those however.. Now I'm taking Lexapro with Vyvanse.

I hope you can find the right med cocktail that is right for you. Medication limbo is the worst.

 

[Droso]

I


If it's worth anything, and I know everyone is different, but I have noticed that my anxiety is less with Lexapro. We also tried it out in conjunction with Wellbutrin and that helped with my depression. The fatigue from them both is what did me in with those however.. Now I'm taking Lexapro with Vyvanse.

I hope you can find the right med cocktail that is right for you. Medication limbo is the worst.

Psych is late so I can reply.

But I'm done with medication cocktails. I don't plan on recovering and I hate the psychiatric industry. I'm not gonna take shit for anxiety or depression, I don't care anymore. I'm just gonna stick to my ADHD med so I can function like people expect me to and my sleeping meds for my insomnia.

Update from my appointment: she gave me propranolol for the anxiety caused by my ADHD med. Funny how she prescribes more medication to fix a problem caused by another med. But I'm happy with this cause I know I can use it for my CTB protocol.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I agree. Once you are on them for so long they feel impossible to get off of. They dont know what causes mental illness so they just throw random meds at you to be a lab rat

 

[moonflow3r]

I fucking hate meds too, it's a gamble game for the doctors. They don't even know how the brain works

 

[dontwakemeup]

All of these fucking pills that I take every damn day are supposed to help me function properly in society. I'm on fucking 30mg of lexapro and I'm still fucking depressed. YOU EVER THINK THAT IT AINT A GODDAMN CHEMICAL IMBALANCE? THAT THIS WORLD JUST FUCKING SUCKS ASS? AND MOST PEOPLE ARENT ABLE TO FUNCTION IN OUR CURRENT SOCIETY???

I have ADHD and the ONLY pill that has actually worked in terms of me being able to get shit done CAUSES ME TO BE SO FUCKING ANXIOUS AND SUICIDAL. I'm already suicidal, but I dissociate heavily, but apparently fucking concerta stops me from being able to dissociate! So now all of these feelings I've been bottling up to remain somewhat functioning are all let loose! I told my bf that I was planning to CTB in the fall, but now I'm daydreaming of doing it ASAP.

But I can't get off this damn medication. I'll stop functioning as how other people want me. And I know I can't act on impulse so I'm making myself wait. I'm so tired. I have to hurt myself in order to keep everyone around me happy and comfortable. I'm so alienated from almost everyone I know. The only times I truly feel ok is when I'm high on weed.

I'm tired. I'm tired. I'm tired. I want to die.

If those pills were effective then everyone would be lined up eagerly waiting for a dose! Everyone I know that are on them are still severely depressed, and I often wondered why do they continue taking them? Well, I refuse any psych medications and I'm just like everyone else.