Venting I gave up on the idea of ending my life prematurely

[zdeweilx]

I have come to the realization that i just can't end my suffering by myself.

I think achieving this feat is out of reach for me. I can always plan to do whatever, whenever and wherever, but for some reason i always end up sh!tting my pants everytime i'm supposed to actually put the plan in motion.

So i give up, i accept i'm cursed to endure this botched existence until its natural end.

If, for some reason, an event that would be bad enough to give me the necessary impulse to end everything on a whim arises, i'll seize this opportunity, but until then, i'll have to 'shut up and take it'.

Has anyone else decided to take the same path here ?

 

[absolute failure]

You should probably quit this forum if you wanna choose life and come back when you decide to end it. I am glad you chose this, youre strong for that.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think you may get more responses posting this in the 'recovery' section. Truthfully, I'm more afraid of the consequences of not leaving my life early. Although- it's always a possibility. If I can't summon the courage or if I fail.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

If you feel this way, please find professional help and try to fully recover.

Also it will be good to delete ac count here and everywhere else where you are in contact with suicidal people, or you will be still thinking about it.

I wish you the best and hope you will find everything you need to to be happy.

 

[zdeweilx]

You should probably quit this forum if you wanna choose life and come back when you decide to end it. I am glad you chose this, youre strong for that.

It's not that i want to choose life, it's just that i'm not strong enough to choose death

I think you may get more responses posting this in the 'recovery' section. Truthfully, I'm more afraid of the consequences of not leaving my life early. Although- it's always a possibility. If I can't summon the courage or if I fail.

I'm still suicidal it's why i posted this thread in the suicide section, i'm also scared of what life holds for me in the future and i'm not really looking forward to it but i can't seem to exit prematurely

If you feel this way, please find professional help and try to fully recover.

Also it will be good to delete ac count here and everywhere else where you are in contact with suicidal people, or you will be still thinking about it.

I wish you the best and hope you will find everything you need to to be happy.

It's not exactly what i meant. but thanks for your kind words, i wish you the best as well

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's not that i want to choose life, it's just that i'm not strong enough to choose death


I'm still suicidal it's why i posted this thread in the suicide section, i'm also scared of what life holds for me in the future and i'm not really looking forward to it but i can't seem to exit prematurely


It's not exactly what i meant. but thanks for your kind words, i wish you the best as well

I get the sense many people over in the recovery section are still suicidal too. Just more resolved to having to or, trying to live.

But then- I think I know what you mean. Being effectively forced to stay while not wanting to is a different mindset to trying to turn things around.

 

[Another Path]

I'm in a similar sitiuation. I feel forced to live out of compassion for others.
I try to reduce suffering through investigating my mind through mindfulness.
Realising that craving and attachment are at the root of a lot of suffering, and that I am not the author of my thoughts can sometimes calm my mind.

 

[Off_Switch]

Same here. I'm really hoping terminal illness can change this for me.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Has anyone else decided to take the same path here?

I'm in the same boat. I keep comforting myself with the noose in my closet but I know it won't kill me.

I'm paralyzed. I'm so ashamed of my life that suicidal ideation has become my mental home. This is how I cope. I can't stand being me, not after what I've said, done, and failed to do.

But if I can't end it, then what? Just keep couchrotting? This is unendurable and I can't stop enduring it.