i feel my emotions shutting down at the slightest hint of rejection

[apgpfk]

uh, basically the title. the context is that recently, whenever my boyfriend rejects small things i suggest (ex. asking to watch/play smth together, asking to call, etc...) i always feel like i'm over reacting because my entire system basicallt shuts down. Even when it's not him rejecting me but me thinking it is (ex. bad connection and my voice kept cutting out so he couldnt hear half of what i was saying and i thought he was ignoring me)

i can't help but just shut down. i don't know how to feel any emotion other than dejected or sad in the moment and i have a tendency to drag it for whatever reason. i don't really wanna bring it up cuz its... So Embarrassing bro... like i feel so ashamed for being so sensitive to these things because it's not like he's doing it on purpose. also i've been pouring a lot of my negative feelings on him (i've been crashing out everyday about either wanting to die/recovery is hard or the world ending, sometimes both at the same time)

lowkey this is so embarrassing that there's nowhere i feel comfortable sharing these things other than here please dont be mean </3

 

[Pvnie]

this but 24/7 no matter the context. Seems like some kind of emotional detachment type thing to avoid threats to ones mental state. Cant say much for you, I particularly have begun to enjoy the constant numbness and think its always been a part of me.

 

[ScaredCutter]

same here. i cant take rejection well but, i would become hostile and more forceful because of what i wanted. its reduced but, theres still remains of it.

i like sharing my screen, playing with him, talking to him and much more but, when he says no to something i feel horrible, like im a bad person or, i become sad and talk less and i become sluggish. i try to never express it to him because i wouldbt want issuses to occur or for him to feel forced into doing smth. whenever he plays alone or with otgers when i asked if we could or he forgets ive asked and i juat feel abdandonded and replaced because maybe im just not good. theres times where id bring up replaying a game because of unfinished progress and its constanyly turned down, i feel sad and it feels like he will just do all of it with somebody else.

omg, i relatw to that too, i drag out how i feel affected by it and its so noticeable that i try to act like im fine, it puts stress and worry on him and it makes me feel so horrible. i feel like a bad gf who gets upset over stupid shit that isnt a big matter.

ive been trying yo communicate my feelings with him and trying to set clear boundaries id understand better, i always insist hes never done something wrong because of how i feel about somethibg.

i get why its embarrasing, jve shared smth like this before as well lol.