I don't want to make it past January 2027.

[HereUntilApril]

Since I'm going to be delaying my CTB date past January 2026 because of future plans happening around that time, I was thinking about giving myself another year. Now, I'm planning for this to be it. No delays past January 2027 for me. The only reason why is because I felt like life started going to shit for me in 2017. Ever since I was 13, I realized that life for me wasn't going to be good and started becoming self-conscious about myself. In 2027, it will be 10 years since I started feeling this way, and I don't really want to go past that. I feel like January would be the best time to CTB for me because a couple of birthdays in my family happen after January, and I'll feel guilty about doing it then. Also, something about dying early in the year feels better to me than dying a lot later. Quite honestly, I'm at a point where I'm just surviving. I'm always constantly afraid of upholding social expectations when I know I wasn't given a fair shot at life. By January 2027, I won't care about whatever plans are happening; I will plan on booking that hotel room and ingesting my SN. I might have to reorder SN at that point. I just hope that 2026 can be the year where I can gain the courage to die in 2027. The world is a very harsh and judgmental place, and I hate it here. I can admit that there's sometimes joy, which is why I keep delaying my CTB date, but I'm just tired of constantly walking on eggshells, being put down, and being judged. Also, I have to deal with my ear keloid on top of that, which is very painful every day. I just want it all to be over.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

CTB can be very time consuming to plan, not to mention the psychological aspects of going against your surviva instinct, so take all the time that you need. I hope your CTB plan goes well, and I hope for you to finally find peace and tranquility

 

[HereUntilApril]

CTB can be very time consuming to plan, not to mention the psychological aspects of going against your surviva instinct, so take all the time that you need. I hope your CTB plan goes well, and I hope for you to finally find peace and tranquility

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. I'm just always afraid that I will never have the opportunity to CTB because of everything going on.

 

[sorrowfullyliving]

Thank you, I appreciate it a lot. I'm just always afraid that I will never have the opportunity to CTB because of everything going on.

I can definitely relate, finding the right time to CTB is hard.

 

[The_Sadness_of_Life]

Also the unknown we look at CTB as a great escape we no longer exist we are into the void of nothingness unaware of anything finally away from the Torments of life.
But the scary part is what if we are wrong and we awaken on spiritual world where we are in some kind of purgatory waiting to be judged and we are tormented something we can not escape from and what we did can not be undone an eternity of torment that's what I'm scared of after all we don't know right?

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of it all, I just wish to be free from all the suffering as well, all I want is to never exist again, I hope you find the relief you search for, I wish you the best.

 

[TBONTB]

Since I'm going to be delaying my CTB date past January 2026 because of future plans happening around that time, I was thinking about giving myself another year. Now, I'm planning for this to be it. No delays past January 2027 for me. The only reason why is because I felt like life started going to shit for me in 2017. Ever since I was 13, I realized that life for me wasn't going to be good and started becoming self-conscious about myself. In 2027, it will be 10 years since I started feeling this way, and I don't really want to go past that. I feel like January would be the best time to CTB for me because a couple of birthdays in my family happen after January, and I'll feel guilty about doing it then. Also, something about dying early in the year feels better to me than dying a lot later. Quite honestly, I'm at a point where I'm just surviving. I'm always constantly afraid of upholding social expectations when I know I wasn't given a fair shot at life. By January 2027, I won't care about whatever plans are happening; I will plan on booking that hotel room and ingesting my SN. I might have to reorder SN at that point. I just hope that 2026 can be the year where I can gain the courage to die in 2027. The world is a very harsh and judgmental place, and I hate it here. I can admit that there's sometimes joy, which is why I keep delaying my CTB date, but I'm just tired of constantly walking on eggshells, being put down, and being judged. Also, I have to deal with my ear keloid on top of that, which is very painful every day. I just want it all to be over.

I'm glad you've found something you are interested in sticking around for. Obviously we are all here with an idea of ending things but I'm personally always glad to see someone find a kernel that keeps them going, I hope you don't mind me saying.

A year and a half is a long time away. You noted that the world has struggles, and also joys. What do you want to fill 2026? Sounds like there will be planning, but what else? It seems like a nice chance to get some of those joys while you wait.

Are there joys you are particularly fond of (baking, coffee in cafes, beach walks)? Or little projects? (Learn to some AI skills?, draw your own tattoo?). A group that does in person games? Some classes? Just wondering if you will use your year to play.