ABadPerson
something’s off | internet black goop
- Oct 24, 2025
- 101
I think I'm just a tiring person. I'm tired. I kind of want to fall apart right now, like a firework of limbs splattering everywhere; not really as a genuine ideation thought, just a comforting one. Some way I can just stop processing, anything really.
My head feels light, with a lot of weird burning sensation all around it; at times it hurts, other times it's so uncomfortable it might as well be described as pain. It reached my left ear now which was already sensitive, so that sucks; just like majority of things do right now but I don't think people really care at this point, no?
Maybe if I just started being a 'poser' like I am irl, it'd be fine and people could 'care', but I just can't continue anymore; it's shutting me down to even be around people irl anymore. I keep going on about this and that despite knowing nobody genuinely cares but I can't help myself, I need anything to be able to vomit it all out otherwise I'll go mental, I am not insane, but everything is driving me to the edge right now and I'm scared of the fall. Nice metaphor, right? It helps you understand me, right? I hope it does, I hope my posts aren't just gibberish and rambles to people; I try so hard to convey myself in every way I can to the point where I physically can't stand just not typing like this, it's my only comfort, maybe you all will understand me if I type this way? Maybe. Maybe not, it seems as though my more 'personal' posts only reaffirms nobody really gets it, I'm not sure why I care so much about people getting it but I really do; it feels so lonely knowing I am not human in any shape or form, just a fucking monster. I must seem so unappreciative and insane, don't I? I'm not, I genuinely am not, I just can't physically like any of this why is it so hard to get? I can't, it's my mind I literally can't. I am of sound mind, I get how stupid I sound I really do, it's not that, I just don't see the world that way. I just don't see the world the same, I don't have the same values, I don't have the same ideals, the same goals, the same wants, the same perspective. Why must I? Why do I have to, to just be understood? I don't understand. I really don't understand, maybe I'll never understand.
My head feels light, with a lot of weird burning sensation all around it; at times it hurts, other times it's so uncomfortable it might as well be described as pain. It reached my left ear now which was already sensitive, so that sucks; just like majority of things do right now but I don't think people really care at this point, no?
Maybe if I just started being a 'poser' like I am irl, it'd be fine and people could 'care', but I just can't continue anymore; it's shutting me down to even be around people irl anymore. I keep going on about this and that despite knowing nobody genuinely cares but I can't help myself, I need anything to be able to vomit it all out otherwise I'll go mental, I am not insane, but everything is driving me to the edge right now and I'm scared of the fall. Nice metaphor, right? It helps you understand me, right? I hope it does, I hope my posts aren't just gibberish and rambles to people; I try so hard to convey myself in every way I can to the point where I physically can't stand just not typing like this, it's my only comfort, maybe you all will understand me if I type this way? Maybe. Maybe not, it seems as though my more 'personal' posts only reaffirms nobody really gets it, I'm not sure why I care so much about people getting it but I really do; it feels so lonely knowing I am not human in any shape or form, just a fucking monster. I must seem so unappreciative and insane, don't I? I'm not, I genuinely am not, I just can't physically like any of this why is it so hard to get? I can't, it's my mind I literally can't. I am of sound mind, I get how stupid I sound I really do, it's not that, I just don't see the world that way. I just don't see the world the same, I don't have the same values, I don't have the same ideals, the same goals, the same wants, the same perspective. Why must I? Why do I have to, to just be understood? I don't understand. I really don't understand, maybe I'll never understand.
