Venting I don’t know what to do anymore

[GrayShadow]

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel completely and utterly lost in my life. I don't know what I want to go into in university, and I really just can't fathom that I'm an adult at this point. I've wanted to die for so long, and now, I can't overcome my SI enough to do it, not to mention the fact I'm a fucking coward. I have no hope for the future and I honestly just don't get how there's normal people who aren't thinking about suicide every moment of the day.

 

[TheHolySword]

How long have you been in university? Many people go for one thing and graduate doing something completely different. Take classes that interest you. You would be surprised what you might find out there. There are jobs out there people never knew about before going to school and stumbling upon it.

 

[GrayShadow]

How long have you been in university? Many people go for one thing and graduate doing something completely different. Take classes that interest you. You would be surprised what you might find out there. There are jobs out there people never knew about before going to school and stumbling upon it.

I feel like nothing interests me though, and everything is a chore. I'm in my second year.

 

[TheHolySword]

Take random courses. My friend went to school for 6 years because they kept changing majors before they found something they loved. I know this isn't always realistic, but think beyond societal expectations

 

[Lycoris]

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel completely and utterly lost in my life. I don't know what I want to go into in university, and I really just can't fathom that I'm an adult at this point. I've wanted to die for so long, and now, I can't overcome my SI enough to do it, not to mention the fact I'm a fucking coward. I have no hope for the future and I honestly just don't get how there's normal people who aren't thinking about suicide every moment of the day.

You arent a coward for feeling like your only option at this point is suicide. Serious problems and severe depression are a common reason why people end up with ideation. It takes some courage to keep facing every day knowing the pain will probably still be there tomorrow and choosing to do it anyways. I get why you feel like one though, its frustrating and scary to know that primal fear is the only thing keeping you here. I'm sorry nobody is offering guidance or help to you. It sounds like people and systems are failing you