i don't care about anything

[batmanreal]

i lost my wallet today. turns out, i dropped it in my brother's car; but i had no clue where it was for the majority of the day. i assumed i had dropped it at some random location yesterday and it was long gone, but i didn't really care. i knew it could've been a disaster; my debit card, id, social security card, health insurance card, etc. could've been completely missing—but i couldn't bring myself to care. tbh, i was only upset because losing my wallet could delay my death. i'm going buy a gun after i get my driver's license, and i ofc need a bunch of the shit that's in my wallet to do those things.

some more shit happened today. at work, someone said that i made a pretty big mistake. they ended being wrong, lol, they got my area mixed up with a different area; but i didn't care either way. just a few days ago, i would freak out and feel horrible whenever i was presented with the possibility that i could've made a small, inconsequential error. now, i don't even care when i'm told that i apparently made a big mistake.

i might be sick with something contagious, which could be pretty bad. i honestly can't afford to miss work, but i might have to. again, i don't really care either way.

there's more examples, but i don't feel like going into everything. the title is a lie, kinda. i still care/feel horrible about the same stupid shit. i'm still agonizing over loneliness and the fact that i don't mean anything to anyone. i'm still extremely depressed that i couldn't see my favorite band live; but i just don't really care about the important things that happen in my life.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you care about not caring or, is it a relief not to be worrying so much?