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BlueButterfly111

BlueButterfly111

Autistic and Heartbroken
Dec 26, 2024
288
I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.
 
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outrider567

Visionary
Apr 5, 2022
2,865
I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.
same here, 3 years 3 months for me, but my relationship was for 35 years, until she died
 
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Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
2,042
I'm 9 months into being a widow and I have lost all passion excitement and happiness in life. I used to feel so passionate about things and excited, I used to have hobbies and interests. A new season of 2 of my favorite shows came out that I've been waiting on for like a year, and I started watching it but I'm just not into it. I feel like this whole experience after that happened drained the life out of me at the age of 22. I wonder if antidepressants would help, but I don't think they will because I don't feel anything. I'm gonna ctb soon anyway, life is pointless.
If you lose a partner it takes about 12 months to even start to regain some equilibrium, and about 5 years to get back to something like your normal self. So I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. I think you should wait for a few more months, and see whether things start to improve. You should certainly try to get past the 12 months anniversary of your husband's death. For many people, that's a significant milestone, and you may start to feel a bit better after it has passed. But whatever you decide to do, people here will support you.
If my husband dies, I won't even make it to the 9 months after his death that you have done.
 
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BlueButterfly111

BlueButterfly111

Autistic and Heartbroken
Dec 26, 2024
288
If you lose a partner it takes about 12 months to even start to regain some equilibrium, and about 5 years to get back to something like your normal self. So I'm not surprised you feel the way you do. I think you should wait for a few more months, and see whether things start to improve. You should certainly try to get past the 12 months anniversary of your husband's death. For many people, that's a significant milestone, and you may start to feel a bit better after it has passed. But whatever you decide to do, people here will support you.
If my husband dies, I won't even make it to the 9 months after his death that you have done.
Now that it's been 9 months, the grief actually is not as intense as it was even just a few months ago, what I'm struggling with now is emptiness. Honestly I don't know how or why I've survived this long. For the first couple of months everything was just a blur, and I wanted to die. It's a long story but I would've been dead two months ago if things went according to plan, now I'm waiting again I have a plan hopefully soon.

I knew that I wasn't going to make it after he passed, but I stayed because I have a beautiful spiritual relationship with him, and I've seen many signs from him. I wanted to feel his beautiful energy and spirit for as long as I could just in case I don't see him again after I die, but I think I will because he is my soulmate.

I'm sure about ctb because life is pointless without him, and I never did like living anyways.
 
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Linda

Linda

Member
Jul 30, 2020
2,042
Now that it's been 9 months, the grief actually is not as intense as it was even just a few months ago, what I'm struggling with now is emptiness. Honestly I don't know how or why I've survived this long. For the first couple of months everything was just a blur, and I wanted to die. It's a long story but I would've been dead two months ago if things went according to plan, now I'm waiting again I have a plan hopefully soon.

I knew that I wasn't going to make it after he passed, but I stayed because I have a beautiful spiritual relationship with him, and I've seen many signs from him. I wanted to feel his beautiful energy and spirit for as long as I could just in case I don't see him again after I die, but I think I will because he is my soulmate.

I'm sure about ctb because life is pointless without him, and I never did like living anyways.
If you decide to remain in this world, the emptiness will be filled when you eventually find a new partner. I know it doesn't seem like that at the moment, but for most people that's what happens.
If my husband dies before me, I won't be looking for a new partner. I will ctb. But I'm 71. You are 22 and your situation is very different. I think you could, if you so chose, get through this and have a good life ahead of you.
Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
43,656
I understand as I personally see existing as so futile, I only hope to cease existing and never exist ever again, I hope you find peace, I wish you the best.
 
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divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Angelic
Jan 1, 2024
4,717
Have you thought about trying Ketamine infusions to see if helps some with the depression and grief?
 
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BlueButterfly111

BlueButterfly111

Autistic and Heartbroken
Dec 26, 2024
288
Have you thought about trying Ketamine infusions to see if helps some with the depression and grief?
No, but that sounds like a good idea. Have you tried it, and if so, how did it make you feel?!
 
divinemistress36

divinemistress36

Angelic
Jan 1, 2024
4,717
It didnt help me but it helps a lot of people. It was cool leaving my body for a bit though I thought I was dead in another dimension and thought I was one with everyone so I guess it was kind of spiritual
No, but that sounds like a good idea. Have you tried it, and if so, how did it make you feel?
 
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aiyuxhan

aiyuxhan

Specialist
Mar 28, 2025
363
I'm so sorry for your loss :( I see your posts and my heart just aches for what you have been through.
 
A

Aprilfarewell4

Elementalist
Apr 9, 2024
805
Sometimes things happen that are so bad, that life becomes totally meaningless. I don't understand any of it but I know the feelings you describe. Maybe for you it will pass, and life will shine again for you, but then again, we all have a breaking point. Hopefully your Sn arrives soon and you will have the agency to decide what your next step will be. I believe life is nothing without love....felt or experienced...hug my friend <3
 
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BlueButterfly111

BlueButterfly111

Autistic and Heartbroken
Dec 26, 2024
288
Sometimes things happen that are so bad, that life becomes totally meaningless. I don't understand any of it but I know the feelings you describe. Maybe for you it will pass, and life will shine again for you, but then again, we all have a breaking point. Hopefully your Sn arrives soon and you will have the agency to decide what your next step will be. I believe life is nothing without love....felt or experienced...hug my friend <3
I don't know if I ever told you but I ended up reordering over a week ago, I didn't have to pay the full price since my package was lost. And I also ordered from a different source as well, hopefully one of them will get here soon!

And I fully agree with you on that, life without love is meaningless to me as well. I remember when he was alive I was actually living, now I am just existing. I appreciate your love and support always friend❤️❤️!
 
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