Venting I can’t stand the state of my life

[Isolatedloser]

I am feeling like suicide may be the final step in achieving freedom from suffering. I have terrible Survival Instict but just think of how things suck now and that I don't ever try to help myself. Thinking of suicide by self inflicted gunshot. I don't own my own gun but could use my parents gun. That would be devastating to my parents but maybe I just might succeed and never have to suffer in my own filth of living my life not doing shit to feel happy and fuck the meds and the world. Jesus. Fuck it all! Anyone willing to talk to me or will I be ignored? Please help
Anything helps even just acknowledgment. Thanks

 

[hell toupee]

Hey friend, I can talk.

Let me preface what I'm going to say with I support everyone's right to do with their life whatever they want. I don't walk in your shoes, so I'm not going to pretend like I know what's best for you.

You mentioned you are on meds, is it possible that this is the cause of your feelings of being worthless and wanting to CTB? Have you always felt like this? I was on 12 different meds when I got out of the hospital last year, and they messed me up so bad that I had to throw them all away - anti depressants, anti ptsd, anti anxiety, muscle relaxants, painkillers, nerve medications, etc.

I'm probably older than you, and one thing I've learned is that when you are younger, often we encounter problems that seem world ending, like there is no way out. Only later on they turn out to be nothing. Like you look back and thing "Jesus, how in the hell did I worry so much about X".

I will go smoke a cigarette and come back to see if you have responded.

You aren't along, there are many wonderfully caring people here.

 

[Isolatedloser]

Hey I am here and willing to talk. I am young and feel disparaged about life. I think I can change my life but I need help getting motivated. Hoping to hear you respond

Hey friend, I can talk.

Let me preface what I'm going to say with I support everyone's right to do with their life whatever they want. I don't walk in your shoes, so I'm not going to pretend like I know what's best for you.

You mentioned you are on meds, is it possible that this is the cause of your feelings of being worthless and wanting to CTB? Have you always felt like this? I was on 12 different meds when I got out of the hospital last year, and they messed me up so bad that I had to throw them all away - anti depressants, anti ptsd, anti anxiety, muscle relaxants, painkillers, nerve medications, etc.

I'm probably older than you, and one thing I've learned is that when you are younger, often we encounter problems that seem world ending, like there is no way out. Only later on they turn out to be nothing. Like you look back and thing "Jesus, how in the hell did I worry so much about X".

I will go smoke a cigarette and come back to see if you have responded.

You aren't along, there are many wonderfully caring people here.

 

[AZRAEL600]

Hey friend. I hope things will be better for you so that you don't have to do this. But if you decide to do it. Don't use gun. It can have massive negative consequence if you survived. All in all I hope you find your happiness and peace.

 

[Isolatedloser]

Honestly yeah that is so bad for many reasons and for me it's the fact of having my family who all love me think of how I shot myself with my parents gun. Saying this in itself is nuts that I'm even thinking this.

Hey friend. I hope things will be better for you so that you don't have to do this. But if you decide to do it. Don't use gun. It can have massive negative consequence if you survived. All in all I hope you find your happiness and peace.

 

[EternalShore]

I wish things could get better for you, and that you could be happy~ :( I'm glad that your family all loves and supports you~ :) hehe~ That is a very good thing to have~ :) especially when many others don't support each other at all~ :(

 

[Misery99]

I am feeling like suicide may be the final step in achieving freedom from suffering. I have terrible Survival Instict but just think of how things suck now and that I don't ever try to help myself. Thinking of suicide by self inflicted gunshot. I don't own my own gun but could use my parents gun. That would be devastating to my parents but maybe I just might succeed and never have to suffer in my own filth of living my life not doing shit to feel happy and fuck the meds and the world. Jesus. Fuck it all! Anyone willing to talk to me or will I be ignored? Please help
Anything helps even just acknowledgment. Thanks

It's nice to hear that you have good parents and a loving family which some of us here can't relate to...But I'm sorry to hear about you feeling suicidal..Everybody hurts here and it's tragic when suicide feels like the only way out there.

 

[Isolatedloser]

I'm not ready to give up. I need to think more about helping myself before I do anything like that.

It's nice to hear that you have good parents and a loving family which some of us here can't relate to...But I'm sorry to hear about you feeling suicidal..Everybody hurts here and it's tragic when suicide feels like the only way out there.

 

[Misery99]

I'm not ready to give up. I need to think more about helping myself before I do anything like that.

That's great and I hope that you will be able to enjoy your life.

 

[hell toupee]

Hey I am here and willing to talk. I am young and feel disparaged about life. I think I can change my life but I need help getting motivated. Hoping to hear you respond

Sorry I missed you - I waited around for a little bit, but you may have been busy with other things.

From the little bit of your posts ITT that I have read, it sounds like you are really going through a difficult time, but questioning whether or not you should CTB. If this is the case, you need to slow down and re-assess.

CTB is a very big, final decision. Unfortunately, there aren't many ways to do that quickly, easily, and reliably.

You mentioned that motivation is difficult to find. Maybe myself or others can help you with that, if you feel comfortable explaining your situation a little bit more.

I will be off and online here throughout the day today, so if you want to chat, just reply to this message.

I myself fell in to a dark hole about a year ago, also ended up disabled and losing everything. Believe me, I had no motivation to even get out of bed. The mornings have always been the absolute worst for me because I always feel like I have an entire day I have to kill before I can go to bed at night and blissfully forget all of my problems (ie while asleep).

Things changed for me though - I still deal with some of it, but it doesn't control me like it used to. What changed me? The entire way I was looking at what being alive actually means, ie., why we are here. And this isn't some religious piece, I just had a series of revelations that were instigated by some weird experiences that happened to me right after my wife died.

Hit me up if you are still around.