I cant keep going.

[ykoizy]

It sounds stupid, i know, but hear me out.

I broke up with my loving partner. He was truly the best person in the world, hes so sweet and talented, i still love him so much. But as a person with BPD, i cant keep him.

I noticed recently that hes been getting distant, and im 100% certain that it was my fault. I couldnt keep him happy, so i decided to do what was best for him, i left him. He deserved someones who could keep him happy.

We decided on remaining friends, but shortly after he texted me "you know what fuck this, stay safe" and blocked me.

its been two hours since. I cant stop crying and i want to die. I want to die so bad. I cant keep going. My chest hurts so much.

i need help. I live with my aunt because i can not live alone. She has cameras all over the house, outside of the door, in my room, living room, kitchen, etc. i want to run away and hopefully make it to the bridge. but i have thin walls.

please help me. i need to die.

 

[Jadeith]

It sounds stupid

No, it doesn't. Broken heart hurts af. Even more if you are sensitive type with tendency to mood swings. It is ok to vent. After all this place should be your safe space to do so.

i need to die

No, you don't. You WANT to because you hurt rn but you don't NEED to. It's a choice and always should be. And it should not be made under pressure or while stressed. Since you are overloaded with negative emotions rn, i strongly suggest you postpone that decision for now.
That's why guns and heart break combo is so dangerous. People act on the impulse and wireless hole punchers do not offer second chances.

 

[enjoytheride]

I second Jadeith's wise words. I would add from my experience that time really does heal. So if you just hold on, things will get better and easier, and different perspectives will open up for you. This seeming to be the end and it actually being the end are two very, very different things. Be kind to yourself.

Best regards

 

[ykoizy]

No, it doesn't. Broken heart hurts af. Even more if you are sensitive type with tendency to mood swings. It is ok to vent. After all this place should be your safe space to do so.

No, you don't. You WANT to because you hurt rn but you don't NEED to. It's a choice and always should be. And it should not be made under pressure or while stressed. Since you are overloaded with negative emotions rn, i strongly suggest you postpone that decision for now.
That's why guns and heart break combo is so dangerous. People act on the impulse and wireless hole punchers do not offer second chances.

thank you so much, i just wanted to let you know that you helped the urges slowly pass, and im thankful for you.

 

[Jadeith]

Glad to hear that calmness slowly returns to you. Wish you peace.

 

[knickknack81]

I can definitely relate. I just had a relationship of 6 years come to an end. It was the longest I ever had and I thought this person would be her forever. There were mistakes on my part for sure but I didn't realize the severity of unhappy she was with me. So when she told she was ending things earlier this year, it was a real punch to the gut that I didn't see coming. A lot of my close friends and associates have kind of moved on as we got older so once I lost her, I feel like I have nothing. The loneliness and isolation I was thrown me for a huge loop. There have been so much time spent of me thinking of CTB. The method I keep coming back to jumping off a high building mainly because it's the easiest option for me in the city I live. I didn't get that close to doing it, other than finding a place online where someone jumped a few years back and taking public transportation to the spot just to check it out. Now when it all comes down to it, I am not sure I will actually be able to something like make that jump. I have no idea how SI will hit me. But there are definitely some bad days (and also some good days as well, its not all doom and gloom) where I just get some beaten down by my sadness and anxiety and I can't help but think "lets just end this". It hasn't gotten past the actual thoughts yet but I can totally relate to the pain and misery that comes with losing a partner. I guess that's just my long way of saying "you are not alone".