Venting I can’t feel romantic attraction

[Nine0]

I really wish I knew what was wrong with me because I genuinely can't.

Iv been in a romantic relationship for the past almost year and she's such a great sweet person but I'v realized I still don't feel things on the same level as her. I never had crushes and I never really felt the need for a romantic relationship but she asked me out and I thought hey maybe this was it I'll finally understand what everyone talks about. Nope.

It makes me feel like a giant villain for ever saying yes, she thinks I'm in love with her and I do love her but I'm not IN love. I would've never gotten with her if I knew I'd feel like this, I really thought I just needed to get with someone and experience what a relationship was like. But now our lives are so completely intertwined and she's all I have I don't have any one else I talk to in my life but her and my parents.

She doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love her like she loves them. How are you supposed to just break someone's heart? Like I see so many people just act like breaking up with people is the easiest thing but every single day I get sick and filled with the worse feeling of dread ever just thinking about making somebody feel so horrible. I don't have anybody to tell any of this too and I feel like if I did they wouldn't understand, it's not really suicide related but it's taking a huge toll on me.

Being in love seems so great, atleast it seems like that on tv and when I see people in real life talk about the love of their lives and their weddings. I wish I could see somebody and just know they were the one, feel that insane connection I hear so much about but I just can't even though I'm trying so hard.

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Being aromantic is a thing. There's nothing wrong with it, it's just like any other romantic orientation.

I'm aromantic and have never struggled with it. I'm quite happy being on my own and the thought of relationships disgusts me.

 

[sanctionedusage]

she might be ok with dating an aro. but you should be honest about how you feel and the extent of that love. shes in love with you; she should be aware if you're not in love with her.

not grounds for a breakup necessarily imo; it depends on how both of you feel about it. you might not feel romantic attraction but treat her way better than someone who did would. a lot of people who do feel romantic attraction STILL go by the initial honeymoon feeling and as soon as it wears off, they perceive it as not loving the person anymore and letting the relationship go to shit. pros and cons to a dating aromantic and a dating romantic.

 

[_Vasa&Me_]

I cant speak about how you should handle this relationship specifically, but I can speak on the romantic part of this post.

I think you might want to explore your romantic attraction at least a little bit more, and with an open mind (emphasis on last part, you will understand later in this message as to why).

I have been just like you in the past. I had relationships with multiple women and just kind of never felt anything… I never wanted to kiss them, hold their hands, tell them how much I love them, heck even give them a love hug… it initially broke me.

Eventually I just assumed I was asexual and that I would never truly love someone in a relationship, at least thats what I thought at that point because I was a very closed-minded person back then and frankly, kind of homophobic, at this point u can probably understand where I am going with this…

As I grew up and became more accepting of people and their differences I started being more open with myself, and tried testing my romantic attraction to other men… and what do you know, everything I wanted was there. The love, the hugs, the kisses, the want to be with someone, it was all there.

Now I am not saying you are gay or something, all I am saying is maybe try experimenting with this thing called romantic attraction (maybe other women types, sizes, shapes, or another gender, or something in between idk, anything really) and see where it leads you, and if it leads you to asexuality… then so be it.

 

[DirtCommie]

I really wish I knew what was wrong with me because I genuinely can't.

Iv been in a romantic relationship for the past almost year and she's such a great sweet person but I'v realized I still don't feel things on the same level as her. I never had crushes and I never really felt the need for a romantic relationship but she asked me out and I thought hey maybe this was it I'll finally understand what everyone talks about. Nope.

It makes me feel like a giant villain for ever saying yes, she thinks I'm in love with her and I do love her but I'm not IN love. I would've never gotten with her if I knew I'd feel like this, I really thought I just needed to get with someone and experience what a relationship was like. But now our lives are so completely intertwined and she's all I have I don't have any one else I talk to in my life but her and my parents.

She doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love her like she loves them. How are you supposed to just break someone's heart? Like I see so many people just act like breaking up with people is the easiest thing but every single day I get sick and filled with the worse feeling of dread ever just thinking about making somebody feel so horrible. I don't have anybody to tell any of this too and I feel like if I did they wouldn't understand, it's not really suicide related but it's taking a huge toll on me.

Being in love seems so great, atleast it seems like that on tv and when I see people in real life talk about the love of their lives and their weddings. I wish I could see somebody and just know they were the one, feel that insane connection I hear so much about but I just can't even though I'm trying so hard.

Firestly , Sorry for any pain you or they are going through

HAve you considered that Maybe youre aromantic? Maybe on the other hand youre asexual? YOu can also be aromantic and asexual at the same time.

It is completely normal to be asexual , aromantic, or both. YOu can also read online stories and articles fr peiple who have come out as asexual, aromantic or both Nothimg wromg with acknowledging who you truly are .

As for breaking this person's heart the bitter truth of it all is that you may not have been or will be the only one to break up with her. Humans enter and exit relationships all the time. Its completely normal. Its sad but its normal. ANd sometimes necessary. Anither harsh truth is just like every other adult thus person that youre talking about will have to come to accept that they can have their heart broken an infinite number of times and....well....thats just is what it is. A normal, but sad , part of the human experience.

One of my favorite quotes is that 'You should NEVER stride for a long marriage , instead strive for a happy marriage'.

Relationships that last forever should not be seen as a mandatory thing for everyome.No relationship has ever been written in stone or the stars to be 'Meant To BE Forever' . There arent really any 'Happily Ever Afters' . Relationships that last for a long time are built through many years of hard work, communication, understanding , interest , infatuation, and respect from all partners involved. And much more. Clearly not every relationship has these 6 things or otheers and so those relationships dont last... You shouldnt force yourself or another person to stay in a long relationship that you both find boring and far too seperated from each other. What you should both be asking yourselves in a relationship is : 'Am I happy?' . If the answer to that question is 'No' then obviously you must change how things go in the relatiinship or you must leave the relationship. And that OK

And obviously there are those who just never want to be in any type of relationship at all cause theyre aromantic or asexual or both. And that's OK.

I wish them and you the best on this journey through life.

 

[NormallyNeurotic]

She doesn't deserve someone who doesn't love her like she loves them.

Not everyone loves the same. That doesn't make you broken.

Clearly you care about her, so you have no way of knowing if this will hurt her in the way you think. You two can still be connected, even if romance isn't part of it, just communicate what works for you.

Allonormative love is boring. Find your own version of love. I recommend looking into QPRs and how they are defined by many people.