I am totally done...

[noname223]

I am totally done with my self-help group.
It gets fucking insane and sort of sick.

I think I am done. These two borderline women have a fight in the group. They give subtle jabs to each other. They talk dirty about each other indirectly. And it is impossible to stay neutral. The atmosphere is extremely toxic. I get manipulated a lot. One person is currently doing gaslighting with me. Which is everything but good with my condition. I think I have to cut the strings with them.

I also wanted to talk about a third person with it. And he contacted one woman who is involved in the fight. Told her what I texted him. He told me that. I hoped he could actually help me in settling the dispute.
And now she convinces him to be on her side. And calls me the bad actor. At this point I can't win. I lost the game I have to admit that. My strategy was not good. I wanted to be honest. I wanted the best for the group. And its now used against me.

I am fucking done. She is now super pissed at me but all I wanted was to settle this dispute. And now my words are used against me. This is not good for my mental health. This is certainly not good for my mental health. All of this is also super weird. I think I have to search for another self-help group.

I will take a break for several weeks until the dust has settled. The group is very small and it might break the group if I leave. Maybe it is the best that this group is dissolved when the organizer of the group (the woman who gaslights me) uses it in order to search for men with whom she can emotionally cheat on her boyfriend. Which is also totally nuts.

What will I do instead? Spend my time on Sanctioned Suicide? The thing is one person is now super pissed at me. She already was. She won't stop the gaslighting. There is no reason to stop it. I am now her enemy. There is no way I can win this game. I think I will take a break of this group for several weeks. I mean they can also carry on this absurd fight without me. I think I need to calm down. This is extremely toxic for my mental health. The gaslighting does a huge amount of damage to my psyche. Bro, I can't believe they do this to me.

 

[auto138491]

Take your time. In the meantime, there is SaSu.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It doesn't sound helpful for you anymore. It sounds as if a break or search for something else may be the better option, from what you've said.

 

[noname223]

This fucks my mind totally. I try not to take a benzo. The withdrawal symptoms are horrible.

I will take a sleeping pill. But it will take many hours until I will be able to sleep. I feel horrible. This was a car crash. But I think this would have happened sooner or later anyway. I did not expect something like that today though. I thought it will be a usual session. Currently, I try cognitive restructuring. And I attempt to stop catastrophizing social interactions. But these car crashs aren't that seldom.

Maybe it is better that this group dies. It feels sort of right after what happened to me. I think the situation is fucked beyond repair.

This group helped me a long time. But it begins to turn on me.

I talked with AI about the situation to process it. And it is not helpful at all. All suggestions are totally unrealistic. And have no practical use.

 

[noname223]

My friends believe me which is very healing and goof for my sanity. I told them the story with all the details. Details I could not explain on here.

I was so scared they would call it delusional and paranoid which would have been horrible for my mental health. Because this would have made the gaslighting way more effective. If others already doubt your perception it is very difficult to defend yourself against gaslightening. I am relieved my friends believe it.

 

[noname223]

Bro, she sent me a text and denies everything. I already experienced how someone was gaslighting me. But this time it is way worse. I think she is damn good in it. She also knows all my weaknesses that I am currently questioning my mind and question my perception a lot.

This does a lot of damage. I am very anxious.

I am in a strategical dilemma. Because I was too naive. At the same time my perception could be indeed deceiving me because I had psychosis.

However, there are some incidents where the conflicts between them were that clear that there is simply no other explanation. And once they sort of admitted a conflict between them when I confronted them. Some parts of the story are puzzling though.

It is a very difficult situation. My first Impression was to quit this group. The organizer who might gaslights me uses the group to meet Men with whom she can emotionally cheat on her bf. I have evidence for that because she dated me. And she is really really good at Manipulation. This is also very clear with no doubts. The way she acted when we dated was insane. She followed me to the Bus, cried when I was interested in someone else. I changed my mind and thought well I must mean to her a lot. Turned to her and then it slipped. I am an adventure for her. That's sort of sick. And when I dated her I always had the Feeling she is only playing with me. She currently plays with a dude in our group who is super lonely. And she does the same with him what she was doing with me. She plays with his feelings. I think she realized how much I judge her for this and this is why she is so super pissed at me.

Now back to my strategy. I am like with my back against the Wall. My first option was to quit this group for good. Or at least to take a break for some weeks. But there is something else I could Do. I have a Mentally Ill friend and he could accompany me to this next group Meeting. Then He could make an independent assessment of the situation. There is the Possibility though that she adapts to my strategy. She seems to be out for revenge. I hate psychological warfare like that. Especially, because she is way better in that. But I will use strategical ambiguity and I won't Announce that He will accompany me. At the same time I don't feel comfortable to manipulate her back. I get the feeling I should Simply quit because I cannot win this war anyway.