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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
my ctb topic June 13 passed and I failed (survival instinct)...

I very selfishly create MY own thread...as a journal intimate rather than creating several threads each week
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
45,077
I hope that you find the freedom you search for, best of luck.
 
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stoiccactus

stoiccactus

somehow still here
Mar 24, 2022
279
good luck. i appreciate your username
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
My psychiatre said me that will be very difficult to be healthy...because bipolar/ borderline/social phobia/généralised anxiéty illness of my mom,death of my boyfriend...

I want to die...
I have no plan in life apart from dying...no thank you I don't want any other solution...just to die.
 
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U

UKscotty

Doesn't read PMs
May 20, 2021
2,447
Setting dates never work and will have the opposite effect in practice.

Most of us can't even commit to something like a diet or quitting smoking on a given date.

In my view its better to be gentle on ourselves, get rid of pointless deadlines and dates that only cause stress.

Only once all hope of getting better is gone will we CTB in that moment.

Good luck.
 
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Nothing87

Nothing87

Goodbye
Jun 5, 2024
83
I respect your decision, goodluck and I hope you find peace ♥️
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
Setting dates never work and will have the opposite effect in practice.

Most of us can't even commit to something like a diet or quitting smoking on a given date.

In my view its better to be gentle on ourselves, get rid of pointless deadlines and dates that only cause stress.

Only once all hope of getting better is gone will we CTB in that moment.

Good luck.
I agree with you. I know that setting a date increases anxiety and stress... Besides, that's why I didn't set one, I said just before the end of the year... it could be at any time...

but I always hope that with will, determination, perseverance and insistence I will eventually get there.

every day there are thousands of deaths by suicide in the world (I don't even count the attempts which are 15-20 times more numerous)

not all these people are supermen... all these people are very scared and have SI
the problem is that I can't ctb when I want...

I have to give a date and time so that eventually I can be granted access to the roof...

It would be much simpler if I could do it impulsively...

I have another way to get there on a very high footbridge but I have to book a driver 48 hours in advance.

but when I have an impulse I can't do it. now, right away I can jump but I can't...
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
I am jealous when i learn that one personne( young) is died
 
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Mywill

Mywill

Member
Feb 6, 2020
91
I wish I have this commitment and determination on ctb, Good on you reminding yourself everyday and I wish you the best of luck.
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
I wish I have this commitment and determination on ctb, Good on you reminding yourself everyday and I wish you the best of luck.
I dont have all days😕😥😰
 
Mywill

Mywill

Member
Feb 6, 2020
91
my ctb topic June 13 passed and I failed (survival instinct)...

I very selfishly create MY own thread...as a journal intimate rather than creating several threads each week
Could you tell me your experience on jumping ? I would love to jump off my local bridge on quiet hours, but I can't get myself to it, and it's delayed much the bridge have now installed barriers from people attempting.
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
Could you tell me your experience on jumping ? I would love to jump off my local bridge on quiet hours, but I can't get myself to it, and it's delayed much the bridge have now installed barriers from people attempting.
in April I went there I didn't have the courage to jump... I should point out that I have to go through a guard who opens the terrace but he will only do it very few times. in my town there is no accessible high place where it is fenced...I hate when they do that, I understand your anger.

in June I canceled and rescheduled with the guard I knew I wouldn't jump so I didn't want to waste a chance...not sure he'd let me back in one day...
In short, I have a plan for a footbridge 300 km from my home but there have already been 5 suicides and the mayor was talking at the beginning of the month about installing a protective net🥶.that puts me in a rage🥶🤬🤬

, I hope it won't be for now.

I'm going to enjoy the Tour de France and the athlétisme(JO) but from mid-August it's ok for CTB...
 
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Lost Magic

Lost Magic

Illuminated
May 5, 2020
3,207
You know, I never set a definitive time/date. Perhaps I should because this cycle of pain and hurt is never-ending. I guess, we will all know when we have reached our own limits. Peace ☮️
 
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Shakespeare&Company

Shakespeare&Company

Member
Jun 9, 2024
11
Il semble que tu ne sois pas encore prêt à te suicider, et il semble que ton thérapeute ait beaucoup d'informations obsolètes sur la façon dont quelqu'un peut vivre avec une maladie mentale. Peux-tu prendre un rendez-vous avec une autre personne sur l'application doctolib et le faire prendre en charge par ta carte vitale ? Tu pourrais aussi bien essayer d'autres thérapeutes...
Tu mentionnes que tu es excité par le tour de France, etc., tu as le droit de continuer à repousser ton suicide, cela ne te rend pas faible parce que tu trouves des choses qui t'apportent de la joie même si tu es malheureux en général. Courage <3
 
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Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
Il semble que tu ne sois pas encore prêt à te suicider, et il semble que ton thérapeute ait beaucoup d'informations obsolètes sur la façon dont quelqu'un peut vivre avec une maladie mentale. Peux-tu prendre un rendez-vous avec une autre personne sur l'application doctolib et le faire prendre en charge par ta carte vitale ? Tu pourrais aussi bien essayer d'autres thérapeutes...
Tu mentionnes que tu es excité par le tour de France, etc., tu as le droit de continuer à repousser ton suicide, cela ne te rend pas faible parce que tu trouves des choses qui t'apportent de la joie même si tu es malheureux en général. Courage <3
I have to keep this therapist because in January 2025 (if I'm still alive) I have to redo the papers for my disabled adult allowance... the deadlines are long to have another psychiatrist and a new one who doesn't know me very well wouldn't want to not redo a file.

the Tour de France I'm a little crazy this year but it's the opportunity to spend one last good time with my father... and it would be stupid to kill yourself 3 days before and cruel for him...
 
Shakespeare&Company

Shakespeare&Company

Member
Jun 9, 2024
11
Alors je comprends que tu aies besoin de ton thérapeute pour obtenir ton statut de handicapé, mais s'il te dit que tu es incapable d'être heureux à cause de ta maladie mentale, c'est qu'il est paresseux et qu'il n'est plus passionné par son travail. Oui, c'est difficile, mais ce n'est pas impossible. Il devrait essayer de t'aider à faire face à la situation et à opérer lentement des changements (comme la thérapie cognitivo-comportementale, dont tu devrais lui demander des informations). Je comprends pourquoi tu veux voir le tour de France, je pense que c'est une bonne idée !
 
Defenestration

Defenestration

I want to have the courage to defenestrate myself
Oct 25, 2020
1,521
he was honest from the start in saying that he would have difficulty healing me because of my multiple disorders and my context (death of spouse, sick mother). I've already tried TCC and others... nothing has worked since 2008. I no longer want to make any effort to heal (I tried for 17 years without success, I have already seen 4 psychologists before). I just want a psychologist for the meds and follow-up is required for the allowance.


I just want to have the strength to kill myself:
that's THE ONLY goal of my life from now on.
 
Shakespeare&Company

Shakespeare&Company

Member
Jun 9, 2024
11
Je suis désolée que tu aies eu une vie si difficile. J'aimerais pouvoir t'enlever cette douleur.
 
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